MTX injection and a bloody good rant about stuff

[saffron07]

well have been on mtx injection now for very short time over from oral and I've had such a bad tummy and been very restless again. Not as severe as when I first started mtx in November. Was due to see Physio for couple of session but just could not face it. I'm so bloody tired and lacking in motivation it's unreal. Moments of real melancholy and just being fed up. Then looking at my children and right must carry on but honestly trying to keep my bloody job, taking my share of the child care as wife works full time to is starting to tell on me. I've always loved my work but now I just feel on auto pilot alot and the middle management brigade are attempting to apply pressure are peeing me off. I've never backed away from injustice and discrimination in any form so I give a kick in there arses occasionaly which in turn gets there backs up further about risk assessing my role further. Some times I feel like going on permenant sick but Im trying to avoid so now do phased hours but the arses will be getting tight about that soon.

Reading the blogs and knowing the benefits system I know people forced onto it by illness are having such a tough time so Im clinging onto it all the best I can. Chin Up that's the saying isn't it

[Hidden]

Not much I can say really because I'm self employed and not nearly so badly affected by RA as you obviously are - but I can at least sympathise about the horrible feeling MTX gives some of us. For me the side effects are psychologically draining and although injectable MTX is better, it's still not better enough for me either.

As you may know from my blogs I'm having some time off the RA meds and it's only the first week off MTX but I already feel more my old self again. I'm doing this with support from my GP but against the advice of my rheumy so it feels scary but if I find out I have any erosions in my hands already or if things become clearer to me I will return to the RA drugs with not a little reluctance. I'm so sick of thinking about RA all the time and sick of feeling tired and distracted and not able to focus. My brain feels sharper already for not having the MTX in my stystem this week but it's early days in my drug holiday of course. I don't think coming off the drugs has improved my skin or the dryness in my eyes or mouth as I had thought it might.

I believe the lack of awareness of what having RA involves and what kind of drugs we have to take is one of the most depressing features of having this disease for me. If it was more understood I don't think we would feel so isolated. Thank heavens for this place is all I can say. Hope things brighten for you soon and hang in there with the Metoject - it made a huge difference to my inflammatory markers and is significantly more effective than pills so I hope it all turns around for you very soon indeed. Tilda x

[saffron07 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Tilda I do find some solace from this forum and reading the diversity of impact and the coping mechanisms people use is very helpful. Yes there is a distinct lack of awareness and or understanding around RA, my own included. You can read so much research which can be conflicting, then be guided by clinicians etc but there is I think some doubt or denial which is rational?

Your drug free period will be an interesting one to watch and maybe learn from but that said we react different some times like little test tube experiments I'm not sure if my RA really is worse, I have pain in hand, fingers which become a little stiff and swollen. I get pain in feet and toes almost daily, even though I'm 6.2 and built like an ox just picking my smallest up invites sever pain in elbows. My left hip will randomly give way then it's fine again. What's that all about

Good luck with it x

[sylvi]

Saffron, i was told to get myself off the steroids and for a second attempt and four months getting there i got off them last week. Since the pain i have had has been b""""y awful so much so i rang my rheumy nurse not my normal one,so what do you think she did,yep put me back on 5mg for a fortnight. So coming off drugs is a non starter for me.

Your right to moan especially in the work place,your only good when you work and when you have to take time out sick they don't care about you only about what it is costing to them. You keep on doing what you can and take time out if you have to and get yourself a hide like a rhino because they will make you feel guilty for being off sick.xxx

[saffron07 in reply to sylvi]

Thank you Sylvi hope the pain reduces I would say stop but not sure that would be right. I'm a thick skinned so and so but have felt fairly vulnerable at times even the wife takes it for granted just the way she is no intent there at all. But I will keep trying you to x

[Hidden]

KEEP FIGHTING XXX

[saffron07 in reply to Hidden]

THANK YOU, U TOO xx

[Hidden]

It all we can do xxx

[cathie]

I hope things settle down with the good weather (???)

You're in good hands at the Nuffield. I found that after being on a plateau with anti tnf and coping, things did get better. If you can snatch rest that truly helps.