Cimzia - I did it!!!

[PJ68]

Well, I have had the worst two weeks possible.

Work has been a nightmare, my colleagues will not help me with my duties as first aider, and have basically made me feel like a freak - if it wasn't for the teachers who think I am wonderful for all I do for them, I think I would have just walked. I have cried so much, and the pain I have experienced has been the worst yet. My boss is so out of touch with emoition, pain and cooperation - its a joke!

Still - Cimzia arrived on Thursday, and so Friday morning, feeling so tired, weak, emotionally drained and so sensitive, I sat on my daughters desk chair in the bathroom, with my hubby at my knees, speaking so softly and encouragingly, holding my syringes (I had three to do - 2 x cimzia and 1 x meth) and one by one I started to inject. I have learnt that stress causes the most pain, and oh boy did it hurt - I felt every drop, and when I finished I cried like a baby in my hubby's arms. My daughter, who hates needles, was telling me I was a brave bunny and she loved me so much, from the comforts of her bedroom!

So one big deep breath, I dried my tears and smiled - this was the first day of a new start for me, I know it wont happen over night, but I did it!!! (by the way I hate needles - I cry when I have my blood tests done - so sad!)

This isn't a blog for sympathy, I was just so encouraged by all your answers to my previous question, that I was hoping that my experience might relate to someone else - or better still give hope to someone (like me) who feels scared and felt lonely!

Thank you for everyone who has put a comment on any of my blogs or questions - you will never know how much they mean to me!!

Bless you all - and happy Saturday!!

Pen

[jaqi1]

aww good for you for being brave enough to inject yrself. dont know if i could do it. i hope yr daughter is helpful to you like my daughter is to me x

[PJ68 in reply to jaqi1]

Yes - I am very lucky, she does lots for me - but draws the line at me injecting in front of her!! LOL

I didn't want to, but suffered badly with Methotrexate tablets! I am sure I will get better at it!

take care

[LavendarLady]

Hi PJ. Well done you for conquering your demons with the needles. It will get easier as time goes on. I inject MTX and Enbrel each week. Was a bit scared at first as never had to inject myself before but I was shown how to do it by the Practice Nurse for the MTX and Healthcare at Home Nurse for the Enbrel.

Try to relax as much as you can beforehand and several deep breaths as well.

It sounds to me as your boss hasn't heard of the Equlity Act either, neither have some of your colleagues! Suggest you get the NRAS booklets on working with RA - you can download them off their website or send for them. They were free last time I looked! Give him one to look at - it might open his eyes to what you are suffering. I did the same with my boss although his grandmother had RA so he did know something about it and they did their best to provide me with things to help.

I can understand your daughter feeling a bit funny at your injecting yourself. I was the same with my mother who had diabetes. I hated to see her or my father having to give her the injection but I had to learn how to do it just in case my father was away and my mother couldn't cope with it. Glad I never had to give her the injection as I don't think I could have borne to stick a needle in her! Silly really.

Your hubby sounds so wonderfully supportive - that is half the battle with RA- family support.

Good luck and keep it up. LavendarLady x

[PJ68 in reply to LavendarLady]

Thanks, I did get the booklets, and he has a copy - but I dont think he has read them!

Still my Unison rep is on the case - so I will just be srtong!

As a first aider I am trained to give insulin injections, silly too really as I can inject someone else, but stuggle to myself!

Its early days, I am sure it will get better!

xx

[LavendarLady in reply to PJ68]

That's good. The Union will be a great help to you and will take it up on your behalf.

Yes, it will get better. I now plot my needles in without thinking about it at all. LL

[sylvi]

I inject mxt every week and it doesn't bother me.I had to inject myself after my operation for 13 days and i had to say it wasn't that bad.You are one brave lady if your scared of needles.I have so many blood tests i get used to is and i think you will in time. Take care sylvi xx

[Hidden]

oh Pen, I know your not looking for sympathy but that did bring on a tear! the way you wrote it was well put and although we've been there in different ways, for me I empathised at the thought of putting yet another unknown drug into your system and the anxiety that goes with it, your Hubby and daughter sound wonderful Lets hope this is your 'miracle' and you'll look back as it being the best horrible thing you've had to do, hope you know what I mean!

I hope things get better at work also, horrible bosses arghhhh, which reminds me have you seen the movie 'horrible bosses'? if not, get it out and it will make you smile, very funny!

anyway, well done and will look forward to things getting better for you xx

[Hidden]

Well done you!!

I feel nauseous just thinking about it! I don't know how i'd cope if i had to inject myself.

I hope that you start to feel better soon and the GITS at work stop giving you a hard time!!

take care

Lyn x

[Hidden]

Good for u Pen, would hate the thought of doing that myself! Glad to hear you have got the union on board. It is hard enough dealing with RA never mind the crap you are taking from work. All the best

[julieporter]

Stay strong Pen - i think your work colleagues are an absolute joke and should be ashamed of themselves.Very glad you have the Union involved.I used to hate needles but now happily inject weekly with no problems - it does get easier i promise.

It sounds like you have a great family so i hope they continue their great support.

Take care and don't let the ******* get you down

Love Julie XXX

[Philip]

I hope the union can sort things out for you, needles eh, my first injection was the scariest ever lol but not I have 7 injections daily, thats for Diabetes though and the injections really do get easier.

Philip

[Hidden]

Well done on the injections.. hope it will get easier for you xx..

I am sorry about the way your colleagues are with you.. I know what this is like from my own experiences..I was wondering unless it is necessary for you in particular to be the first aider.. would it be easier to give that role completely to some one else?..to avoid further stress and nastiness from colleagues? x

[PJ68 in reply to Hidden]

Hi!

Unfortunately my role consists of 3 parts - first aid being one of them, I know they cant sack me for having RA but I suppose they could make life very difficult, problem is I really love my job and the 50 or teachers love me - I am just playing every day as it comes!

I know my rights and just need to be strong - I will keep you all posted!

Thank you x

[Beth58]

Hi Pen, as you say first day of the rest of your life, good luck.

As for your work situation I can fully relate to that, as people couldn't see my pain no one fully understood what I was going through.

I even had to put up with bitchy comments like "your slow today come on" or if I stumbled over "you been on the drink again last night" or if I was really tired late afternoons they's say "you need to get to bed earlier and stop going out", as if. I was to tired to do anything socially.

(these comments weren't in jest as I'd already said they upset me).

The worst thing is they knew what meds/painkillers I took and I'd been up since 5am just so I could get to work on time. Normally I tried not to let it bother me but on bad days I'd go to the loo and cry,

I found their comments so hurtful at times. Oh and they were NHS administration staff, trained in disability awareness (supposedly), on the other hand the nursing team were pretty supportive but still heaped work on me. lol

Anyway that's enough of my moaning I don't want to go back to the dark place I was in then.

But I would warn you that stress does affect us and if your having these kind of problems at work it won't be helping your health. I hope the union rep comes through for you and helps sort things out.

Good luck with the new meds.

Beth xx

[PJ68 in reply to Beth58]

Oh Beth, that must have been such a terrible time - I do hope things have improved.

I think people are wrapped up in their own lives that they just dont care, and cant be bothered to be nice.

I have always put everyone first, and thinking about me is new for me, but I am trying!

Stress has been a huge part and this year I have had to deal with so much!

I am just trying to be positive and look forward!

take care, and thank you

Pen x

[joan_w]

Hi Pen

So pleased you have started on Cimzia, I really hope that it works as well for you as it has for me.

Don't forget - I found that if I injected the liquid slowly it does not sting. Worth a try.

I also hope that everything get better for you at work. I am sure the Union will help. Do let us know how you get on.

Jo

[PJ68 in reply to joan_w]

Thanks Jo,

I have been injecting meth since may, but I suppose my phobia of needles took on a whole new dimension when I saw the cimzia syringe!

I know it will get better, and I am being positive!

I am so glad you are getting on well - stay that way!

Thank you for your advice,

Pen