Saying goodbye

It seems my style of humour is not to everyones liking. I have decided therefore to retreat to the safety of my own group of RA sufferers where we all enjoy a bit of gallows humour and making light of our sometimes very unpleasant predicament. It doesn't work for everyone and I fully understand this. When we can't laugh at ourselves in the face of adversity it really is not worth the struggle. I leave you with a verse by Robert Service and wish you all well in your fight against RA .

I Laugh at Life: its antics make for me a giddy game,

Where only foolish fellows take themselves with solemn aim.

I laugh at pomp and vanity, at riches, rank and pride;

At social inanity, at swagger, swank and side.

At poets, pastry-cooks and kings, at folk sublime and small,

Who fuss about a thousand things that matter not at all;

At those who dream of name and fame, at those who scheme for pelf. . . .

But best of all the laughing game - is laughing at myself.

Some poet chap had labelled man the noblest work of God:

I see myself a charlatan, a humbug and a fraud.

Yea, 'spite of show and shallow wit, and sentimental drool,

I know myself a hypocrite, a coward and a fool.

And though I kick myself with glee profoundly on the pants,

I'm little worse, it seems to me, than other human ants.

For if you probe your private mind, impervious to shame,

Oh, Gentle Reader, you may find you're much about the same.

Then let us mock with ancient mirth this comic, cosmic plan;

The stars are laughing at the earth; God's greatest joke is man.

For laughter is a buckler bright, and scorn a shining spear;

So let us laugh with all our might at folly, fraud and fear.

Yet on our sorry selves be spent our most sardonic glee.

Oh don't pay life the compliment to take is seriously.

For he who can himself despise, be surgeon to the bone,

May win to worth in others' eyes, to wisdom in his own.

Robert William Service

26 Replies

Not at all Ben ... you just need to use some decorum when talking about ladies issues.

Your comments often put a smile on peoples faces, thats gift and its good to smile.

Took some time for you to win me over with your often "zany" comments but life on NRSA without Bens comments, nah ...keep them coming :)


AWW Ben sorry you feel you have to go - i wasn't offended by your posts.


Plus Ben, you get enjoyment in writing your post's which is as good as any medicine in my book. Not sure I have read the ones you have though ehhe


AND another thing Ben, my main point actually, we are in the minority here, the ladies rule supreme (we let them think that anyways) we need solidarity!

Just stop walking on them eggshells is my only advice lol


And personally, I would delete the Hirsuite post


Its not nice reading for "some" women ...



I am one of those women whom is currently experiencing hair thinning/loss. I did not read your original blog.

Having read it now and I am not offended, but I do think it was insensitive and can understand why some women may of taken issues. Hair loss is sensitive to all no matter what gender you are. I know this because there is a big no huge market in mens hair grooming products especially to try and prevent hair loss!!!!

I personally enjoy reading your little anecdotes and I think they are enjoyed by most. You can't please all the people all the time, just take care on the subject areas - if in doubt leave it alone.

Hope you will have a change of heart as most of the time you are quite funny



For sure ..


And BTW Sci ... men think of baldness as a sign ot intelligence, grass dont grow on a busy highway lol


Hi Pete

Hubby is bald, went bald early 30's and he is late 40's now. Yes he is super intelligent as he holds two degree's and string full of professional qualifications.

However baldness is not linked to intelligence. It's to do with an over production of a hormone, if you over produce it, then you suffer baldness, if not then you don't, also unusually women can over produce this hormone and the same happens to them - so to summarise bald men can be viewed as being more verile!!!!

Just thought you may be interested as it was told to me by a biochemist lecturer 20 yrs ago, when we were looking at genetics and hormones!



better than intelligence, bald men would normally have a high sperm count due to all that extra testorerone stuff!!!! excuse my spelling

the balder the man the more manly the man :)


Ahhh Wilby! What can i say, i knew someone was going to say it -should have guessed (lol)


Ben, i think you should stay, i've not been a member of this forum for very long but i have enjoyed your blogs, you have a unique style!

We are all entitled to our opinions and the world needs people like you to stir things up a bit!!

Yes you have upset some of the ladies but i'm sure they will get over it, now take it on the chin and start working on the next blog!!



Got a grin like cheshire cat :)


Sorry to here you are thinking of leaving this group Ben .... I have only been on a matter of day's ...we all have a moan to start with just to tell every one about our aches & pains .. but light hearted banter please bring it on .....we all need a bit of humor !!!


DON'T YOU DARE GO,what would us women have to smile about. You don't offend me.We have lost one lady we don't want to lose one of the few men we have. So keep blogging please. sylvia.xx


Bencorde, I am appalled that you are thinking of closing down your blogs. I have thoroughly enjoyed them and as one lady who has lost a lot of hair, I was not in the least offended by your Hirsute blog.

Your blogs are written for a laugh and as you say "gallows humour". I think we all need the ability to laugh at ourselves whilst we battle this awful disease.

Yes, we do moan about our aches and pains but the beauty of this site is that we get support from everyone else who is suffering + good ideas on how to tackle our various issues.

I, for one, will miss your blogs. Please do stay. Best Wishes. LavendarLady x


Ben, I have found your blogs inspirational. When I have been worried about my RA, I have often quoted your RA experience to my husband. 'He is well enough to make his own apple juice/walk on Chesil Beach etc. And he's on the same medication as me. I will be well again. If he's OK I can be OK too.' It would be a loss not on have you here as a success story amid all the bad news.


Ben, from what we've read from your previous blogs you've had a very interesting life so far, surely during your time in the police you've faced far worse feedback :) we know what your humour is like and we have a choice whether to read it or not, stop being so sensitive, grow a pair and keep blogging!!!

now, I've offended you.... I'll be feeling bad and blame myself if you don't come back.....

So, cheek, insults followed by guilt but what more can I say that the others haven't, you really shouldn't leave, it would just be wrong! ;)


Hey don't quit Ben - you can't chicken out now you've got this far!? I went away and now I'm back again and I don't even know if I've got RA for sure yet so if I can be here you certainly can too.

It's too easy to get paranoid on these forums because someone is usually in deep struggle with RA pain so they can lose the ablity to laugh - we're all different. There's room for all kinds and we are adults and can pick and choose whether we want to join in or not for goodness sake!

Personally I thrive off humor but it's there has to be a time and place to offload too. That isn't to say there are subjects that need vetoing but just that you have to gage the mood/ tone of a blog or a question as best you can before wading in trying to make light or laugh inappropriately. For example - as someone who has already suffered alopecia twice in my life I am dreading the hair loss bit. I won't look good bald as I'm round and a natural blond and just now my hair is already thinning with stress so I briefly scanned your hirsuit one and didn't read on because I'm just a bit raw on that one. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have written it though - just means I won't choose to read or comment.

I spend my life joking and making light of this bu**er at home so NRAS can be a life saver for when the humour isn't working. But on the whole it's a huge relief to have some blitz spirit around and for me that lies in laughing.

Also as everyone says its good to have a few men about - Its not a menopause site after all? Important to keep the gender balance in favour of RA statistics ie one man to every three if possible. AS is the one a lot of men have i believe and guess women probably feel a bit outnumbered on a site for that condition.

Some of your peculiarities and the more racy jokes will inevitably get a hammering. But man up and enjoy the banter and if some take offense you only have to apologise charmingly in the next post and all will be fine again I'm sure. Even Samaritains make good jokes but hopefully not when someone is threatening to cut their wrists on the other end of a receiver if you get my drift?

There is a time and a place but all of us will get it wrong sometimes. If you like dolling out the gallows humor then you also have to learn to take the ensuing flack! Please stay and do just that. TT


hehe yeh, don't be a chicken Ben and Man up! go Matilda :) x


Ben please don't go! I love your blogs! It's great to see all sides of the disease and sometimes all the sympathy can in itself be upsetting! I find your stuff really refreshing! Jasperjolly


Ben, hope you're reading all this as a visitor to the site & decide to come back full time. It's great to have different points of view. And yes, RA is generally for the we can't lose the men that are unfortunate enough to get RA & join the site. Come back! Polly


Hey Ben, don't go, I just got here! Tonight. I haven't read any of your blogs, but a sense of humour does have a place in our lives, up front, daily. We can't spend our days being dull and morose. There is humour in the way we have to compensate to do normal tasks. so, stay on and keep us light-hearted! Loret


Return at once you make me 'howl' with laughter....Citihound


dear Ben

As you know i haven't been blogging for quite a while, and yes we women can be sensitive, notsure whatthe fuss was about, I lost my hair totally to MTX, and it's falling out again because of the anemia, now one day i'll laugh at myself the next minute I cry. So like the others leave the issues out, and do come back to the site, you did make me laugh.




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