Carrots I'm bad.

[Beeper]

Hi why. Carrots, well I'm fed up with saying sorry. Sorry I'm need a cup of tea, sorry I'm out of work, sorry I'm good for nothing. When will you ever get used to being retired. I'm 61 on Wednesday and as I've dais before I was made redundant at the end of jan having worked all my life and with no job on the horizon I'm excepted the fact that I will never work again. Like some of you I like the free time and relaxing days but feel useless and not wanted. Every time I get a brown envelope from the gov asking me questions and filling in forms or sending documents away I feel that I am a criminal and waiting for them to knock on the door and take me away. I tell them what they want to know as best I can but watching these tv show and reading it in the papers about dodgers I feel I,ll be next. I just want to relax. It got so back for the last few months I have been very depressed and my legs were so bad I couldn't walk. Nothing would get me down I was always giving the advice to pick yourself up and look on the bright side, I wish I could take my own advice now. I feel I'm am wasting my life away, reading, tv, writing, days out with the wife, I have waited for this days all my working life and now it's here I thought it would be great, the kids have gone just my wife, lithe cat and me. Carrots going on I use wanted someone to talk to instead of the wife. How you are all fine out there and hope Murray wins.

[sylvi]

Beeper, you are feeling carrots today aren't you. What can i say that will make you smile. You are a worthy person and yes you have earned your retirement even if it wasn't on your terms. You won't lose any entitlement that you have been given,yes the scroungers do give us genuine people with real illnesses,but your not one of them. Pick your self up are words made by people who doesn't know what depression is like. It is easier said than done. You do what works for you and one day you will wake up and the sun will be shining and you'll feel great.

Hope your feeling brighter now.

sylvi.xx

[Hidden]

Hi Beeper,

I think that there's quite a vicious campaign against benefits claimants in the media at the moment, sometimes subtle and sometimes not but always there one way or another. Sorry to hear it's got to you, it's not fair at all & hasn't got anything to do with reality as far as I can tell.

I can understand how you feel, the carrots have been coming at you thick & fast recently & it'll surely take a while to get your self-respect back on track.

I constantly feel the need to justify my existence at the moment & am trying to not worry what others think of me and consider my options and future carefully. Easier said than done, I know.

Actually I haven't got a clue what you mean by 'carrots' - would any veg. item do? Enjoy the tennis tomorrow and do not let the buzzards grind you down!

Christina

[Hidden]

Hi beeper - you have nothing to be sorry for. You have had this damned disease from 18, you have done well to be in work for so long. Stuff them all, its all to easy to blame all oanybody ur ills on benefit cheats and you are not one of them, there are a few out there but they don't cost half as much as though that use clever accounting to avoid paying tax. I am watching wimbleton the uk doubles won, its great - come on Andy!!!!!

[helixhelix]

Beeper please don't feel that you're good for nothing. It's hardly been any time at all since you were retired, even if it feels like a long time. You will find new things, but it's a big change from working so give yourself a break. I really struggled for a bit after I left work, as I missed being busy all the time even tho' it was making my RA worse. But a year or so later and it's ok. I think you've hit nail on head saying you just want to relax, as it sounds as if that's what you need. Polly

[Hidden]

Dear Beeper,

Try not to feel like you are good for nothing you have done your dues by working til over 60

Perhaps you you should see your Go and say how you are feeling?.

How about if you are or when you feeling up to it some voluntary work?It might help you to feel better about things?, try in the mean time to enjoy the time with your wife and cat xx

[Hidden]

Hello Beeper.

The 'system' just doesn't allow us to relax does it? I think many of us constantly feel on our guard that we may be condemned as frauds. I have become more and more aware of the damage the current benefit assessments is doing to people's self-esteem. It is bad enough having this rotten condition without having to justify yourself all the time.

You are the one who knows though, you have fought through this and deserve your time off. You know how you feel more than anyone so hold your head high.

Don't let the courgettes get you down.

Judyxx

[cathie]

I had to retire early and it ain't easy. I hope you can use the time to develop something you like doing - not always easy when because of ra some options are closed off. I really hope things improve for you

Cathie

[Beth58]

Sadly it's the nature of the beast, when were used to working then suddenly we can't it's natural to feel useless, I've had my moments too! But no one is useless, we all have something we can help others with if we choose to go down that path. We have to exercise our brain as well as our bodies.

As for feeling a fraud, sorry I've never felt like that and I tell people to their faces I've got nothing to worry about because I know I'm a genuine claimant and my doctors will confirm that. Even while working people would question how I get DLA and a mobility car, I simply tell them some days I can't straighten up or walk and people don't see that as those are the days I hide away.

I agree with all of the above comments but, I'd also add;

Perhaps it would be good to write down what you do and the things your good at or enjoy doing. Then look around the community for adult training/education and sign up for a course or go to your local library and see what's going on in there, there's often groups working in libraries.

You never know perhaps there's men's or disability groups in your area you can get involved in and pass on some of the skills/knowledge you've gained in your 61 years.

Remember your not alone, there are others out there hidden away possibly feeling exactly the way you do, to proud or frightened to admit it, so maybe you could start your own men's club in the local library.

Your local social services office will also be a good source of information of what's going on in the community and what you can get involved in.

Remember we all need a hug at times and someone to tell us everything is going to be alright.

Hope you feel better soon, and never be afraid to reach out to NRAS community for help/advice or even just to sound off!

Beth xx

[Beeper]

Thanks to all those who answered my blog. I will take in all you comments and feel must better having talked to someone.

[Hidden]

Beeper, Have you talked to your GP about taking an anti-depressant, to help you over this hump? Many here do, it's also just part of the total package of treating and living with this disease. We can't just "have it" and forego all other aspects of life. We must LIVE with RA.

Please know, most of us here, especially the older, retirement aged ones, have been exactly where you are. Feeling like, "well, now what" and having no goals.

How about thinking about the things you and your wife used to think you would do when you both retired. How did you plan to spend retirement years? Probabilities are, you still can, atleast some of them. Remember, we may be slower at achieving a goal, but we can still get there. First, see the GP, and ask for an antidepressant. I know many here will say it makes a lot of difference in how you can deal with what you have. All the best of good luck. Loretxx

[oldtimer]

You CAN still do some things. Voluntary work, for example, can be so much more flexible than working for an employer. It can make you feel useful again without being pressurised.

Do you know about EPP (used to be Expert Patient Programme - now I think Educating Patients Programme)? It's a six week course about managing long term conditions - all sorts - and there are similar ones for some specific conditions - I know NRAS have been running some in some areas.

If you went on a course, found out what you felt you or couldn't do, you might consider helping the programme? but there are lots of other roles - one chap I came across had injured his back as a fireman, only hobby gardening. He thought life was over for him when he couldn't work and couldn't dig his allotment. But he ended up after the course organising bulk buying of compost, seeds, etc, and in return the allotment holders dug his allotment!

[Hidden]

You've had so much experience of RA that I feel you should try and become a Volunteer for NRAS Beeper because there are so many of us newbies on here who are looking for information and you would be ideally placed to help us - just a thought? I think you really have a lot to offer - you just need to be able to see it which is hard just now when you are so low. I haven't gone down the DLA route yet because I'm self employed and not sufficiently disabled by RA yet to apply. But when and if I do I will take Beth's line - nothing to say sorry for. I also agree with Mads that society is in a sorry state to be making people with disabilities suffer even more when it's the wealthy bankers and tax evaders that have got us in this mess to begin with. Tilda x

[pottypam]

Hi , I know excatly how you feel. I was told over 12 years ago that I would not be able to work agin. I was 44. I had worked from 13 ,only not working when having babies untill 28 years ago when pain got so bad ..12 years ago the consultant was definate that because of my hands and back that was it . And even with all the rubbish that has happened to my health and me since I at least felt that it was official . But over the last couple of years and more so this year I feel that people are watching and commenting and condeming . I feel that walking to my car from my flat without a stick will be my undoing . (its about 8 foot) That the ocasional walk from my car to a pub or a shop with a friend is not good ,but i can not always use a stick it hurts my hands ,they spasm and i drop the stick and unable to pick it up, or if i have to try it takes me 5 mins and a lot of pain, so try to walk without as much as poss but in pain ,then limp and have to stop, but trying to look normal is a double edge sword . If you laugh it crosses your mind that people think,"well she is nt n much pain then," but after 40 years in all of pain you learn to live with it . The threats of reassesment s the stories of treatment by the press the panels and everything make me stressed , If have a good day or two ,do I tell them i have had a good couple of days and the ystop my money or part of it , and then have to try and claim again when it all goes to pot agsin and prob not get it .. It is making us us feel guilty for just being us for having RA also I OA blood clotting problems ,late onset lung problems from treatment of cancer and now my eyes are a concern . But I al ofeel guilty now everyday ...not helped by a text message from DWP saying that must inform them of change in my circumstances . !!! this left me confused and worried , What change .... has some one said something is my trying to look normal gone against me ... my daughter said it prob just a message to everyone to make false claims feel bad , but it did it to me and i do not think my claim is false ... but I have not heard of anyone else getting these text.!!!!!!!!!

So please ry and relax,, its all we can do....take care .xx