Hi there, a week ago we had to put to sleep one of our dogs - 14 years old, brilliant companion, I had her before I had my 2 kids, so it's hard for me too, but my son (10 years old), although he's dealing with it admirably better than me, doesn't want to skater her ashes (we had her cremated separately) and just the thought that we'll do that makes him cry straight away... my husband wants to do that as we feel it's the right thing to do, he doesn't want to see it (as it reminds him and he was with her, I couldn't due to stupid health issues) so to let go, I'm happy with either way, just don't know how to find a middle ground... burying the ashes it's a firm no - that's my issue... but the important thing is how I comfort right my son, what do I do that doesn't upset my son and my DH..?
Off topic - dealing with a dog loss, 10 year old and ... - NRAS
Off topic - dealing with a dog loss, 10 year old and my husband and me…. Where is the middle ground so we all feel ok with what we do?…
How about a few ashes for your son so he can scatter them then rest for DH? That way everyone ok with it as they can be?
I tried that, it’s not even on the table for negotiation- he wants all of her… I suspect he is being so emotional due to me not feeling well too but I have to help him find a way… I miss her so much, I know it’s silly, she’s been a comfort for me always no matter the madness of whatever was happening… she practically was my co-midwife through my pregnancies and my miscarriages… and I don’t know how to comfort my son and my husband…
As it was only one week ago since your beloved dog passed I would wait a while longer, there is no rush to do anything. Just let it all rest and when he feels calmer then maybe you can do something. My friend has her dogs ashes in a box under her computer table where her dog used to lay . 🐶
I can’t imagine how you all feel. My dog is my constant companion, pending divorce and my son going to Uni, then being diagnosed with RA, it’s been tough, but my darling fur baby has been the one thing that’s given me the impetus to get up in the morning. He’s lying by the side of my bed now (yes I’m still in bed - fatigue) 😖I think the advice from rabbit65 above is definitely the way to go. Once the emotions have settled a bit, he might change his mind.
Big hugs to you all.
A few of my friends have their dogs ashes on the mantelpiece in a lovely box, I think I’m in favour of that too. 💕
x
I really miss her… don’t know what else to say… I also feel guilty that I didn’t appreciate her enough when she was still with is, but life is f***** hard these days… I’ll probably do what someone suggested along with you - I’ll wait for things to settle down then get a place somewhere where my DH can’t see every day, but my son knows she’s there, at home, with us😢😢😥
Of course you miss her but you gave her a long, happy, loving life and it will start to hurt a little less as time goes by. We've currently got our fourth boxer; losing each one was agonising at the time but we can now look back and remember all the happy times rather than the pain of losing them. 🐕😍
Right now I really think I’ll never want to have another puppy, although all my life I’ve never been without these magical companions, but I’m probably wrong. You were all right - time helps, at least works for my son. So now I’ll get a nice box for her and move it from the kitchen (as my son insists she stays there) and then move her to his room. The idea of doing anything else with the ashes it’s a firm no for him. My husband won’t be happy, he wanted to scatter her ashes at her favourite park but he’ll understand. This way my son won’t be upset and my DH won’t see her ashes constantly in the kitchen… so let’s hope this will resolve the current issue.. it’s still a very rough spot, I can’t talk about her without crying, but given I’m totally emotionally unstable should be normal… working on collage with pics of her from puppy till now with all the happy moments (which are are quite a lot, I might need a bigger frame
and hope that will help too. Thank you all for your support, honestly, I feel more devastated by her not being here than having to deal the RA… but it will pass…
Hi forislava. First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your lovely Tara and know how you're feeling right now. We have the ashes of three of our dogs still here at home and our last girl went in 2013. They are all in their little individual wooden caskets, each with their name plates on the top - I couldn't bear to part with them as silly as that may sound.
I agree with rabbits65, if it's that difficult just to hold on for a while and see if things change, it is early days yet. Good luck with your decision. x
Thank you. Looks like she’s staying with us… This is the 4th dog I lost and hurts the most - probably because she was with me when I was going through a very very dark patches of my life- but as I’m not British (Bulgarian) the concept of cremating your dog and keeping the ashes totally shocked my family… If I could I woul do the same with every single one I lost, but in Bulgaria dogs are just dogs… which was never the case for me… so again I was told I’m wasting money, to tell my son that that’s life and are you crazy keeping her ashes… and of course I’m acting like a British person, which apparently it should be insult or something I honestly don’t know… Can’t they understand??? We are talking about two completely different worlds here??? My son is not “soft”!!!! Anyway, If they think being a British is not a good thing - fine, one of the other 1000 reasons we are living here for over 20 years and never planning to go back, to live I mean, I’ll still have to once and a while to visit my family and relatives but after the last few weeks I’ve got the feeling it would take a year or two… sorry, I always rambling too much…
I'm really glad that's what you've decided to do. Your son and you will be happy and your husband won't have to see it so hopefully won't be upset about it. I understand your feelings for her as she was with you during those dark times and I think a special bond develops when they’re with you during times like that as they are such a comfort and seem to understand. Don’t worry about what your family in Bulgaria say, it’s you, your son and your husband that matter. All the best to you. xx
Someone around here so I expect there is one near you puts ashes into resin jewellery. I know it sounds mad but its just a bit and not obvious at all. You could try to find someone to put a bit into a something you'd both like as a memory item and put the rest into her favourite wild place. Or simply inter in the garden and plant a lovely rose on top.
As we plan to get a new house in the next few years I’m totally not fine living my girl with strangers- I know it sounds silly, but I prefer to wait when we move I might play that card if my son is ready. Thank you! Jewellery not my thing unfortunately- I’m allergic to whatever I put around my neck and my son won’t allow me to take a piece of the ashes… So she’ll be staying with him in his room. We thought putting her next to her favourite place for a nap, but there is where our other dog sleeps and I’m not sure if he can smell anything from the ashes so playing it safely.
Lovely idea!
Grief is different for everybody. Could you scatter them in you garden and have a bench/ chair with her name on . Just a thought. I’m heartbroken 💔 for you all x
Thank you, I don’t know what I’ll do without you guys… and sorry for the late response… it has been a rough week battling my family over my treatment and I was very very down… now slowly creeping outside my dark place
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. I would definitely wait longer as it’s all still very raw. Put the ashes in a nice jar or box and wait, things will change, it might be a long while but upsetting your son more won’t help him. He needs to grieve. It took me a long time to bury all my cats ashes, but eventually I did and I’m sure your son will get to that point too. If your husband doesn’t want to see them can your son have them in his room, maybe in a cupboard ? I hope you find a solution that everyone is happy with, eventually.
As a vet I always tell people to remember their pet as they were at their best. If you focus on pictures and places you went with your pet it will take the pressure of the what we do with the remains.You can have ashes made into jewellery also but probably not best for a 10 yo.
Sorry about your loss and I hope you find a compromise.
When our dogs died we had them cremated, we bought garden pots big ceramic ones. Mixed the ashes with earth & planted roses. Each dog has a different coloured pot. The roses this year have been beautiful & make me smile. Just an idea.
That's lovely Caza and would make me smile too.
Please don't do anything just yet, give yourselves time to grieve I can't say you will get over loosing her as our pets stay with us in our hearts forever, the Rainbow Bridge poem may help you and your son, I'm sure the time will come when you will be able to decide what to do with her ashes but until then keep her safe at home where she belongs.
Hi forislava. 3 years ago we had our 17 year old girl pts, and collected her ashes which are in a box in my wardrobe. Even now, my husband and I can't let her go (and we are in our 50s!) I think your son needs time, I am sure that your husband can allow your son time to grieve and come to terms with his loss. It is so very early to think that your son can get over the loss of a friend that he has known all his life. I really feel for you all. Your son needs to process his loss in his own way - maybe letting him keep the ashes safe for a while will help him. I wish you and your family all the best.
I have all my dogs ashes in ceramic ginger jars and have kept them, not being able to part with them. Wait a bit and see. xxx
I am so sorry for you! We lost our dog after 14 years and the house is so quiet. We had her cremated at the vet and have planted a bush in the garden. Our vet sent a card which might help -
Please accept our deepest sympathies for the loss of your much loved pet. We hope you find some comfort in knowing you have given her a wonderful life.
I have put it in a frame and when I feel sad I read it again.
Your family may not have experienced bereavement before but little acts of kindness help.
Being sad shows that you loved your pet and what more can you give than your love?🌈
I really feel for you! I have experienced the loss of a much loved family dog before and with our current dog aged 15 I know I will be going through this with my kids before too long.
Sadly, I don't think any of us can tell you exactly what to do. There is no right or wrong answer, you just have to do what seems right. Delaying scattering the ashes may help. You can intend to do so, but allow your son time to adjust to the idea and explain why you think it's important.
Not sure if this helps, but when my friend's dog died recently I made this for each of her kids. It's a photobook with a small, very basic cuddly toy of their dog, so that they could cuddle him and think of him, but also look back at photos of him when they wanted to remember him or talk about him. If making the cuddly seems too difficult or he would be too old for that, a simple photo book could help him with processing the loss while remembering and talking about your lovely dog:
I understand how you are feeling I had to let my beautiful big boy go 2 weeks ago he had cancer and I had a hard time letting him go he was my rock when I became ill I still look for him and this may sound stupid but I often have days I’m sure I see his shadow as others have said there are companies out there who can create almost anything it doesn’t have to be jewellery I was with him when he went we had him and my other dogs lying on his favourite blanket we took it to the vets with him and he could smell them the vet lay it under him and he was so calm the only heart breaking thing is we couldn’t hold him as he went he could seen us and hear us talking to him but because of Covid they wouldn’t let me hold him afterwards this is my beautiful boy he was 13
Oh God, I’m so sorry😥😥😥 I take it very hard when a child or animal of any sort is involved… they can’t take care of themselves, they really on us and they can’t tell us what we can do or what happened… I couldn’t be there😥 was waiting for an ambulance at home but that’s probably for the best… she was my emotional radar.. no matter how I acted she knew how I felt always.. One day a sales guy, don’t even remember what he was selling and it was summer and all doors were open and I was cleaning so didn’t hear him on time, but when I saw him at my front steps he freaked me out, I just didn’t heard anything, but unloading the dishwasher might be the reason.. I didn’t even understand what happened after I gasped in fear, Tara speared out of no where, I’ve never seen her like that, no barking, but all teeth out and showing him clearly to back off. I tried to stop her, but I couldn’t! She pinned him by the front yard fence growling and not missing a movement. I’ve explained the guy that I’m so sorry, he startled me and she sensed that and no one will be beaten. Just don’t run and no sudden movements. I started talking to him calmly and friendly asked him what he is selling, and after 5 mins of conversation Tara conclusion was that he is not a threat, sat by his side and touched his hand with her nose “we are friends now”… I couldn’t pull her as she was a big girl, give or take we were the same weight so I would only make the situation worse… One thing is for sure - that guy will never ever show on my doorstep… She just always felt me❤️
Hi Forislava, my heart ❤️ goes out to you. When we lost our lovely cocker spaniel Paddy, we were all devastated like you. We decided to buy a small bay tree & nice pot, we put Paddy’s ashes in there with his name tag on the pot, it gave us great comfort. It has grown into a magnificent bay tree over the years.
Hi, so sorry for your loss, there is no easy way to ask, but do you have the ashes back yet, as they come in a small box with a certificate, I was in a similar situation to you but my son was a lot older than your son but he wanted to keep the box, so he now has it in his house in a cabinet, it's there but not obvious, but he knows it's there, hope this helps a bit, best wishes Sarah
I am so sorry you had to say goodby to such a much-loved faithful friend! They are important members of the family! We had a Chocolate Lab for 15 years and she gave us so much joy. She had a wonderful life. Especially after we retired and we could spend all day with her taking walks in the woods and cuddling up with us during the day. It was one of the worst day of our lives when we had to say goodbye.We had her cremated and her ashes put in a wooden box which we have under a bench next to his cat sister( Lopper). We have photos of each of them next to their ashes.
Take a while before you make you decision.
So sorry for your loss ♥️ My suggestion is to buy a tree and either plant it in your garden or in a special place, perhaps a woodland trail and scatter her ashes around the base of the tree. Maybe your son in time could accept this as a way forward.Sending huge hugs to you and your family
It's hard when you lose a beloved pet. I had my dog Poppy cremated separately and her ashes put in what they called a pebble. Her favourite place was the sofa in the conservatory so I put the pebble, which has a plaque with her name on it, on the windowsill next to the sofa with a framed photo next to it.
How horrible for you brought tears to my eyes ..beautiful photos of your baby’s ..dog loss is awful ..lost my two pugs recently .. it’s early days yet as others have said .. 9 months later I’m still crying they slept next to me I still wake up and feel for them...can’t bring myself to get a new puppy yet..take your time your all still very much grieving .. I’m so sorry . Xx
I'm sorry to hear that Vonnie. x
Hi Forislava. I'm so sorry. We recently lost a beloved pet and our hearts and home were in sorrow for a long while. It helped us to talk about our little guy and thank him for all of his love and good times. It was hard but it was good and it helped. Also, a friend sent us a big 11x17 picture of our guy printed on a canvas - real artsy looking. A total surprise and not something I would have done. It was sad to look at it at first but was soon comforting. I hope you get some good ideas from all of the people responding to you.
Hi there, so very sorry for your loss and know how you are feeling after just having lost our boxer girl of 14 years. Everyone deals with grief differently but we have her separate ashes in a wooden casket, along with the casket of our previous boxer that passed. On special occasions such as their birthdays and anniversaries of their passing, we burn candles as a way of remembering them. They were the love of our lives. Also look out for butterflies, robins and white feathers as they say it means that your passed pets are still around you. We saw all three after our dog passed and it was so comforting. I agree with others and wait a while to grieve before making any decision. Take care.
Hello. I'm so sorry for your loss. Animals are such a joy and part of the family. What about doing both? Buy a nice urn/tub and sit the ashes in it for a few months then, when the time feels right, maybe persuade your son and husband to scatter them in a place you liked to take your dog or a new place where you'd like to think of her. It is so hard. Also difficult when you have health to deal with as it can be hard to concentrate and make decisions.
My Dad accidentally threw out our greyhound's ashes - as he wasn't thinking straight when my mum died and was very depressed...this happened when he was clearing things out.
I was upset but I understood it was a genuine mistake and we still have our memories of our beautiful pet. Don't feel guilty. We all take each other for granted at times, pets included.
Try to remember you gave your dog a good life and she brought great joy to your family. Thinking of you. 💐 xx
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