Disappointing doctor visit

[cheshcat]

Ugh. I hate being sick, I hate being dependent on doctors, I hate having to explain (complain) about my many problems.

I saw my neurologist this morning and it was awful. I feel like I always do the wrong thing, no matter what I do. I had gone to another neurologist in the biggest city in Oregon to rule out MS. I guess I offended him by second guessing him? I feel like I should have just driven the 2 hours to the big city doctor for my face pain. I had assumed I could see the doctor in town (my rheumatologist wanted me to make a visit to see a neurologist).

In the end he told me he didn't think I had trigeminal neuralgia but didn't really say why (my rheumatologist feels I do). I'm not sure he's right but now I feel stuck with his diagnosis. Which I would have taken better if he wasn't so rude to me (my mom was with me and couldn't believe how he treated me). She wants me never to go back to him but how does it look, jumping around to different doctors? I think he has written me off as a mental health case (damn, solid mental health and a quick mind was all I had in this world! The fact that that is in question is a really horrifying place for me to be in).

I miss the old me. The one that always was thought of as capable and on top of everything. Being chronically ill has reduced me to feeling like a complete idiot and possibly hysterical. It's an awful place to be.

Whining and vent over but feeling sorry for myself tonight.

How do you all deal with dismissive and rude doctors?

[sylvi]

I would report him to the administration there is no need to be so damn rude.xxxx

[cheshcat in reply to sylvi]

Thank you <3 - my mom volunteers at the clinic for the homeless for the last 20 years. She said they never treat patients like that and I have really good private insurance. She was shocked someone that's being billed hundreds of dollars would be treated like that when they don't treat the homeless off the street with no insurance like that. She said she wasn't sure if we should just get up and leave but she said I was doing so well answering all his interrogating questions she let it be. I just can't believe an entire adult life of never going to the doctor besides yearly, never using ER unless I was actually dying, would could for something. They literally have all my records for the last 30 years. Thanks again, I'm still really pissed off about the entire thing and I feel like whatever I do, it will make me look bad.

[helixhelix]

Same way you deal with dismissive & rude people, ignore them and move on. It's hard when it's a doctor and we depend on them for our care, but you mustn't let it get to you. If you feel that this doctor crossed the line then report him/her. But otherwise just tell yourself that they may be a doctor but are also a sad excuse for a human being. If you need to see this neurologist again then make sure your mom goes too again.

But hopefully when your see your rheumotologist thing will pick up, and maybe he/she'll have other suggestions. Plus maybe your meds will start working and you won't feel chronically ill...

[cheshcat in reply to helixhelix]

Thank you <3 - you are right, I need to just move on. I had no idea it was like this to get health care. I never went to anything outside absolutely needed my entire adult life. I've had cluster migraines for 25 years and never saw a neurologist because I just dealt with them or saw primary's or my ob/gyn. I never even went to ER or urgent care with them. I feel like I must either complain not enough or too much, and I can't figure out which one it is!

[Neonkittie17]

I would not tolerate such a rude doctor. Sorry you have been subject to this and your Mum too. I think it's better to change and get someone you can relate to rather than worrying about having to go see someoe who isn't on your wavelength. Good luck.

[cheshcat in reply to Neonkittie17]

Thank you <3 - I think I needed to hear that. I just wish it didn't make me look more like a mental health patient to change but I suppose I just need to let go of my pre-conceived notions and not worry about it. I mean I do have a diagnosed autoimmune disease at this point but I think this neurologist put me down as mental health before I was diagnosed and I guess decided that was still valid (or rather that is my own notion on what happened). I hate needing people lol and I suppose that's my own issue.

[Neonkittie17 in reply to cheshcat]

It is so frustrating when we feel unwell and we are made to feel even worse by a bad doctor appointment. You seem very mature and sensible and know what you are feeling so stand your ground and why shouldn't you have a second opinion on something that's really bothering you when you are wanting a solution? You don't sound hysterical to me at all. Just wanting to find out what is wrong and put it right. You will feel much more like the old once all this is resolved. Hugs. 😘

[cheshcat in reply to Neonkittie17]

It is frustrating! Thank you for thinking I’m sensible and mature 😊 that is really all I want, to straighten out why my body totally freaked out and refuses to behave itself any longer. I honestly thought second opinions were welcome. Clearly I was wrong, at least with this doctor.

[Witness2]

I hope you can move on but I know the only way I could would be to write to this jerk and politely tell him how ignorant, rude and unprofessional I'd found him. It probably won't make any difference but it might make him squirm in front of his secretary! I hope you soon recover from this horrible experience.

[cheshcat in reply to Witness2]

Thank you so much! I really needed some confidence boosting after yesterday! I mean I have a diagnosed autoimmune and my rheumatologist wanted me to be seen for trigeminal neuralgia, this is not exactly anything to be a jack ass about. Even if I did get a second opinion about MS.

[Mandy8175]

I would call your rheumatologist, and let them know what happened with the neurologist. The rheumatologist is required by law to report him to the local medical board. I had two instances like this over the last 2 years, and it really pissed me off! These doctors think they are smarter than their patients, and they are in their field of medicine! BUT I am a business person that is ahead of them when it comes to business laws, practices, and ethics! Needless to say, they were reprimanded and still had to see me as they were contracted providers on my insurance plan!!!! I get really good treatment there now 😜

[cheshcat in reply to Mandy8175]

Way to go!!! I never thought about complaining to my rheumatologist. I just don’t understand what I did wrong. I own a successful company and couldn’t imagine treating my customers this way! Thank you ❤️

[Mandy8175 in reply to cheshcat]

You didn't do anything wrong, it's your health and your priority! In a perfect world your rheumatologist would have a rheumatic disease, your neurologist a neural disease, and your care would the primary concern at your primary care doctor! They would truly understand your concerns! Doctors sometimes concentrate too much on the medical and forget about the patients!

[Mandy8175 in reply to cheshcat]

What kind of company?

[cheshcat in reply to Mandy8175]

We are contractors. We build swimming pools 😊

[Mandy8175 in reply to cheshcat]

Once upon a time I was a general manager of a restaurant! Now I am at home on disability!

[cheshcat in reply to Mandy8175]

I’ve been slowly outsourcing most of my responsibilities. We are in the process of hiring a manager and our CPA is doing more of my book work. I just can’t keep up with everything anymore. My husbands a work-a-holic and I can’t keep up with him!

[Mandy8175 in reply to cheshcat]

My fiance is a workaholic too! He is thankful that I am not struggling to make a living anymore, even though I was out of work for a year before finally getting my disability. It is hard to get disability especially at 40! That tells you how bad my disease is!!!!

[cheshcat in reply to Mandy8175]

❤️❤️ it stinks to have a chronic disease! I have been very thankful since getting sick that I have a partner that is a working bee 😉

[Mandy8175 in reply to cheshcat]

After 2 years at home I am more than a little stir crazy! I have been in college classes but had to take a term off to get my disease a bit more controlled. I am just about done with my associates in business management, and hoping to be well enough to go back to work!

[cheshcat in reply to Mandy8175]

That’s wonderful!!! I’m 45 and hoping I can get back some of my life, I miss a lot. I worry my brain is never going to function at top speed again. But I’m hopeful my rhuemy can put me into remission.

[Mandy8175 in reply to cheshcat]

Thankfully my brain fog comes and goes now, but with my fibromyalgia it's a crap shoot! After all this time, I wouldn't know what to do in remission! I have been in pain all my life, I don't really know what normal feels like!

[cheshcat in reply to Mandy8175]

I do wonder sometimes if I’ll ever feel “normal” again. I’m hoping to at least lift the brain fog, if nothing else, and some energy. That sounds pretty good right about now ❤️

[hiandri]

Hi Cheshcat,

These so called highly paid professionals continue to get away with this type of unacceptable behavior because people are bullied by these medical thugs and are frightened to speak their mind and complain. You (and your insurer) are the customer paying the bill, never lose sight of that, who wants to deal with people like that. If the opportunity arises tell him/her what you think of them, obviously not many people have. If you have access to a review of this doctor, do so, i would be mentioning their name on sites like this, but obviously check out possible deformation. Wish you all the best. John

[cheshcat in reply to hiandri]

Thanks John!! As a woman, I think sometimes we need to man up a bit - we are so use to being nice to everyone! Even when someone is a jack ass to us. I need to let go of caring what they think of me! Appreciate the advice

[Beviejon1]

I had surgery the 4 the of Oct. The surgeon was very rude and didn't talk to me after .I reported him to the facility where I had the surgery and he has been very kind and understanding at every visit since.

[cheshcat in reply to Beviejon1]

Nice!! I have been so careful to not be labeled a mental health case or "that patient" but clearly it has not gotten me anywhere, if anything it has hurt me! Sometimes I think part of the problem is I don't complain ENOUGH. I don't go in to ER or Urgent Care when I really should and I need to make sure I continue to find my voice. I so appreciate these boards, I can't even tell you.

[Amkoffee]

Unfortunately some doctors have an ego particularly those who have specialties such as your neurologist. I'm afraid that's the case with your neurologist and you hurt his feelings by going to another doctor. As a patient you have every right and actually a responsibility to get a second opinion. I would move on and get yourself another neurologist possibly even if you have to drive further. You cannot afford to risk your health on doctor with a large ego.

[cheshcat in reply to Amkoffee]

Good point! He's young and I think he couldn't believe I didn't take his word as gospel and would dare to question him. He's full of it though because I know how hard MS is to diagnose or autoimmune diseases, sometimes it takes several eyes. I can't believe I could hurt his ego so easily, he should learn to act professional and get a thicker skin.

[TxKelly]

It's been my experience that doctors are only really rude when they don't know what the problem is and don't want to admit it.

See a new doctor. The bottom line - it's your health. Worry about yourself, not what the doctor thinks.

There isn't a thing wrong with wanting a sympathetic doctor who will really work with you to figure out how to help.

[Amkoffee in reply to TxKelly]

You are so right. I am going through something like that myself but it's with my primary care doctor. I've actually been seeing him for a close to 30 years. He was really good for several years but the last few years it's just gone down hill. And my last two visits with him were horrible. In one appointment he shot down everything I ask for on my list. That really ticked me off. And then my other visit with him had to do with an injury I sustained that caused horrible stabbing pain on my left side. When I saw him he touched one spot with two fingers and told me it was muscle-related and to give it a couple of weeks. Since that time I have had horrible relentless and the worst pain I've ever had because of it. After seeing him I went to Immediate Care and to the emergency room and to my pain management doctor and finally I went to his partner because he wasn't available the day I needed him. I got a lot more sympathy and understanding from his partner that I ever got from him. And he actually attempted to control my pain. And you need to know that I already take opiates pain medication for my lower back pain. It was my pain management doctor that finally diagnosed it and gave me a treatment option that I liked. So I get the frustration that one feels because of an inadequate doctor.

[cheshcat in reply to Amkoffee]

That sounds horrible, I’m sorry he’s treating you that way. It is a tough spot they put us! We need them so much and we are so vulnerable. It sucks they can’t see that. I mean, this is their job. To care for us. Maybe you should switch to the new one you saw?

[Amkoffee in reply to cheshcat]

I already have a new one picked out and my appointment with her is not till December. I will see her for my 3-month diabetes check. I am hopeful that she will work out for me. But I'm not going to burn my bridges with my old doctor till I'm sure this one will work for me.

[cheshcat in reply to Amkoffee]

That sounds like a good plan!

[Liggle]

I so feel for you. Some of doctors should never be doctors, they don’t know how to treat people , don’t understand R/Athritus I feel the doctors don’t do much just talk, I keep thinking it’s because of my age , I cry with pain can hardly walk , my specialist said try a spinal injection, waiting time 10weeks + see u in six months , I would complain if I was you there are always more than one specialist in most hospitals. Good luck x

[cheshcat in reply to Liggle]

Yes, so much this <3 - they go through years and years of school but I think they loose sight of the reason they are doing it. PATIENTS. Without us, they don't have a career. They need to emphasize bed side manner, especially in these specialities, like neurologist. Luckily my rheumatologist is very kind.