hi i just wanted to update those that read my last post, i’ve been to the GP today and he was so lovely i cried all over again.
he has decided to start me with counselling for my low mood and has put me on an antidepressant called sertraline. my parents have been very supportive which made everything easier so i feel like a little weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i have managed to tell one of my friends who hadn’t realised how bad i’d gotten and she also seems very understanding and wants me to go out with her etc however i’m never free on the weekends and get anxious about calling in sick just to have a ‘me’ day, even when other employees do the same. i’m not sure whether to just phone in sick so i can spend some time with my friends which i’m never able to do because of work or because of how sad i’m feeling or because of my pain, or just work and miss out again?
i’m such an overthinker 😅
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oliviagodfreyxx
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This all sound do positive and I’m glad you went to your Gp and he was sympathetic. I bet you feel a little lighter already. Your medication will take time to work so if your feeling bad it’s better to have a day off re Center your self if that means sometime with your friend that’s so much more productive for you and for your work as you will feel so much better and will have a knock on effect with work. Well done you’ve done the hard part reaching out and looking for help. It’s never easy but this will get better.
most of my friends are at uni so it’s hard to meet up with them a lot of the time. i have managed to book a day off work to spend time with them so i’m hoping that it cheers me up a little
I'm so pleased you went to see your GP Olivia, it shows strength and positivity in wanting to get to grips with things. Again don't think about others, think about you (remember you are number one) and if it helps take that time out to spend some time working out things and as J1707 says to centre yourself. How about a girlie night in with the friend you have spoken with, a face pack, footspa, be kind to yourself (and friend) night. Nothing demanding to start just gentle kindness, no over thinking no wondering what others are doing, just you and your friend enjoying quality time together. I wished I had a magic wand to make things right, as I would be wafting it all over everyone with RD and other illnesses to make things right. Never give up, you've taken the 1st step by going to the GP. Keep in touch on this site and let us know how you are. x
thankyou for your advice you have all helped massively and that sounds like a good idea, it takes the pressure off of going outside in public and being stressed !! i will keep you all updated hope you are doing well also x
Hello again. Well done you. What a great stride from yesterday. I am so glad you have reached out both to a professional and a friend. It shows the strength of your spirit.
Just one idea to add to the arsenal of advice. When I was struggling and juggling with a severe medical problem, work and intrusive thoughts I took up playing the guitar (classical - but don't think Bach etc). I found that the skill needed in learning an instrument from scratch took over my brain entirely and I literally forgot all my concerns. As soon as an intrusive thought came the music fell apart, so I learned to shut those thoughts out - the music was my drive. It was also incredibly creative and opened up a whole new world. It was something I could do alone but also as my health improved I found it to be wonderfully social - there are loads of groups out there, with many, many young players. Just a thought if you like music, perhaps learning an instrument, like the choir might be an idea to pursue. Any creative hobby. It's also a life time gift that can divert us from ourselves.
It's an idea for later I understand. From all the seeds of ideas given you, from all on this forum, some will germinate and help you to grow even stronger. Well done again.
thankyou i never thought of that i used to play the piano, i used to figure skate and i used to enjoy photography and now i seem to do nothing anymore maybe i could start up one of these again, like you said it will keep my mind occupied & help me focus on something else x
Although I haven't tried it myself many people use the headspace app. Might be worth a look whilst waiting for counselling as if you are waiting for Iapt there is usually a longer wait than you would choose. Take care.
i didn’t really spend time getting into the headspace app but it’s something to look at now, i think there’s also one called ‘calm’ that’s supposed to be good too
Well done for reaching out, a day or two to yourself/ with your friends sounds to me part of your road to recovery. Sometimes a day off from work brings great rewards and let's you refocus.
Well done you! Having the courage to be up front with everyone has paid off big time. The meds do take up to 6 weeks to be fully effective so be patient and don’t skip them if you start to feel better. So pleased for you. Your wellbeing is more important than work. Don’t dwell on it. Enjoy time with your friends.
Hi Olivia. I understand why you’re so low. You’re very young & this disease is very depressing & scary. You feel old before your time. Like i said. I was 21 when i became ill. (48 now!!) All your friends are literally running around & no one knows the pain unless they actually have it. Pain is also VERY TIRING! I don’t always listen to advice. But i’ve been told swimming is the best exercise for the joints. I find it fascinating that even if people can’t walk. They can still swim! Why not suggest to your friends to do that? Or just you & your friend you’ve told. Is there a gym near you?
Also. My lovely mother was a nurse & she always warned me about anti depressants. I was on a drug called propranylol after she died. We were very close. She was everything to me when i was ill. I relied on her alot. The drug made me feel worse. I felt it was giving me panic attacks. So i’m very wary of medication for certain things. Maybe if you just thought of this drug as a ‘stop gap’ for now. Try not to ‘rely’ on it longterm. Like i’ve said. I don’t always listen to advice. But they do say exercise is great for your mental & physical state. But you have to be ‘extra’ careful. That’s why they say swimming is the best. Very gentle on your joints. Good luck. X
thankyou i’m also very close with my mum and don’t like not being without her, i’m not a very independent person as it is. i don’t plan on staying on these for long term and the doctor said i don’t have to either but it got to a point where it was all ‘too much’ 😅
i do like swimming, i used to go to hydrotherapy classes which i stopped for some odd reason. maybe i’ll start going back to them again. it was therapeutic to just float around in a hot pool. thankyou for your help again i appreciate it x
This is an emotional illness. For you the patient & your family. Maybe there’s an actual counselling group where all of you can talk? Like i’ve said. My mum was a nurse. My dad died suddenly when i was 17. So my mother & i became extra close. My brother went away to uni. So i relied totally on her when i was diagnosed. She always wanted me to be independent too. But she was ALWAYS there for me. I can tell you won’t take your mum for granted. It’s also important to keep up with your friends too. It’s good to hang out with friends your own age aswell. X
the gp suggested either group counselling or independent. i wasn’t going to go for group but i thought about it and remembered there will be people in similar situations as me that i’ll be able to RELATE to, which i didn’t think of before. gp gave me a number to contact for a phone consultation, i go to italy next week so hoping to get something sorted for after then. for the meantime i’m going to use my headspace and calm meditating apps and try and fit some time in for swimming and my friends on the weekend x
Yes do go back to hydro and swimming especially if you enjoy it. I do, it’s the only thing that makes me feel like me and outs a half a smile on my face. Best exercise and awesome relaxation. take care ❤️
thankyou i will i shouldn’t have stopped going in the first place xx
OK - I have had 2 breakdowns so I can tell you from real experience on the depression and anxiety the following (and this is from an extreme form you will hopefully never get as far as):
1) Wanting to kill yourself is a feeling that can last a long time but rarely forever. Realise at those moments that depression is a result of chemical imbalance. Your mind will try to tell you things from an illogical viewpoint. Realise that and procrastinate until you have tried every treatment and self help out there and then think carefully and at length. Once you are dead there is no hope, no going back and it always affects others badly even though at the time you'll be telling yourself other lies such as they will be better off without you and that you are a burden. That's really not what they think. Learn to question your own mind if such thoughts are there.
2) Citalopram was an excellent medication for me - slowing those irrational thoughts down so I could see how stupid they were. It was also very quick acting when I was in my breakdowns. Obviously you have to try what you have been prescribed but know these medicines take a long time to take effect and know you must procrastinate with those suicidal thoughts in the meantime.
3) Coping with RA can be difficult. You are not alone and we and others in your life are there to help you through.
4) Depression and anxiety like to make you do things to feed them and increase their power over you. Still go out when you are anxious or depressed or it will get harder and harder to do so. You can cut the odd thing out but you do need to keep doing them. If you are really badly affected try coping strategies such as going to places where you aren't well known and thus won't be expected to get into conversation, or if shopping go to a virtually deserted aisle and stare at a shelf until you can cope again. If you don't want to end up unable to speak and crying at everyone whilst having to write notes to them to communicate you just have to force it. You also might find the panic occurs after a successful outing when everything went well. There's no logic if you get in the grip of depression and anxiety - accept that and fight it by ignoring it as much as is humanly possible.
Hopefully that helps. And do keep talking and posting and you will not only be fine but even happy whatever your mind is being hijacked into thinking right now.
thankyou for your advice i appreciate it very much i had a better day yesterday but i still had a cry, even though i felt okay?! its strange. today i have been having a clear out in my room and listening to music which has kept my mind occupied. i’m also going to work later so i’ll be able to socialise with my work mates
i try and get up early even if i don’t want to get out of bed, for some reason i feel more fatigued when i stay in bed for long amounts of time in a morning. i want to start going swimming because i’m nervous these new meds might make me gain weight. (i shouldn’t look into things like that but i’m a worrier for sure) i know it will he trial and error with finding the right one for me/one that suits me the best but fingers crossed!! i have hope, i’m trying to plan little me days to look toward to and keep my mind busy x
I'm always crying for no reason but I actually think it's a useful reminder that my negative thoughts aren't always real or logical. You will be fine if you keep the attitude you have and hopefully if you start on a downward spiral you will recognise it for what it really is as with depression and anxiety really only you can keep it at bay - and l see you as being strong enough and tough enough mentally to do just that.
that’s the kindest thing ever thankyou so much if i ever do feel down i remind myself to look back on these posts and they tell me i’m not alone, i’m really thankful for everyone that’s given me advice x
Hi Olivia. So pleased you have taken the first step in addressing your depression and anxiety. I'm sure your GP has told you that it will take time for the anti depressants to take effect but be patient and I hope you get some counselling soon. It is a slow process but you will get there and you're not alone because so many people suffer with their mental health. My daughter has struggled for many years with her mental health and now has more clarity about the causes for her. There is an organisation called the Blurt Foundation which has a website and and a Facebook site which she has found to be helpful and informative. There is so much information and resources on there. You may want to take a look when you feel like it. My very best wishes to you. You are stronger than you think and have taken a brave step forward.
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i do feel slightly better now that i’ve spoken about it. it’s always better to talk rather than keeping it bottled up inside 😅
maybe i could start up one of these again, like you said it will keep my mind occupied & help me focus on something else x
Update
Update from today’s rheumatology appointment 
Update on pleurisy diagnosis & cancellation of covid jab
