Firstly I want to send you all some warm Christmas wishes for the coming days ahead. I've been reading some of the posts on this supportive site and hear how people feel guilty about having to postpone, rearrange or decline invitations because of their illness, being in pain or perhaps knowing the next day they will pay for it so to speak. Worrying about what family, friends or colleagues may think and feeling perhaps the potential for isolation and possible exclusion from any future social events or opportunities to socialise. I guess this becomes more so around Christmas time when the family/ friends get togethers and work place dos are in their flow and we are left with that awful feeling of how can I explain or partake in this without the possible reprocussion or future rejection. When inside all we want to do is join in and be part of it all. as we may have done in the past or not that long ago even. I have learned so much over the years having this disease and seeing my mum who also had this disease and to me especially at this time of the year how hard it can be wanting to please everyone, trying to deliver that 'perfect' Christmas, stressing over things like have we enough of this or that, did I buy for Uncle X or Auntie Y, wanting things to be right and for us to feel right like we used to. That sometimes the strain and stress can add to how we already feel. So this year let's be kind to ourselves, do what we can, don't sweat the small stuff so to speak (if there aren't enough brussell sprouts on the day that's ok) allow ourselves to rest and not have to feel bad about not being able to go here or there. Those who understand and will still love you at the end of the day. For me the last few years have shown that spending Christmas with those you love in a way that is meaningful to you, is more important than any trimmings on the tree or the parcels underneath it. I gave my parents and then parent during the last few years the best I could despite my illness and I did things at a slower pace and still got there. This year as the title at the top says will be different and it is not a Christmas I am looking forward to as it will be the first on my own. My dear friends have been kind and supportive and the invitations have been made, but they also know that of late my physical health has not been good alongside my emotional side as I grieve. So they understand whilst trying to support me there may be times when I simply can't go. So this year there will be a tree, there will be cards and some traditions but as with the last few years I will do these when I am able to. So in my own way (and I don't seek any pity or sympathy here for my loss) I am trying to say enjoy Christmas in the best way you can or are able to. If you are well enough to celebrate, go to 'the do' or partake in festivities go for it and enjoy every minute. If you are not up to this or are in pain, or are in pain the next day from going to something don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself do something for you. Allow yourself to cry if things aren't well, but also find something that makes you happy or content be it a warm blanket, nice soothing warm drink, that cheeky mince pie or block of chocolate and a tv programme you love(d). RD is always an unwelcome visitor any time of the year sometimes it sits drumming its fingers in the background other times it will be stamping, jumping drumming and all hell breaks loose, but lets make it take a back seat if we can and enjoy life to the best we can today and this Christmas. Whatever you choose to do or however you are able to spend the coming days, I wish you well. Take care and thanks for reading my post.
It Will be Different This Christmas: Firstly I want to... - NRAS
It Will be Different This Christmas
Such a well written post, it resonates so well with me.
Such good advice I hope you have a lovely Christmas x
This is good advice for everyone whether they have RD or not (or any illness). Just no need to stress so much over it all. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas 🎄
I think a lot of us can relate to this Pippy. I wish you a warm, settled Christmas & a hope for you being able to spend time with those you care for & who care about you. x 🌟
Thank you, I think sometimes with RD we can be a little hard on ourselves. As it is an often misunderstood disease peoples expectations, confusion or realisation that we can appear to be ok one minute and not the next may lead people to question why we may have to decline an invitation or opportunity to socialise, when we would really love to. A change in how we used to be can throw some people , when you have RD. Take care
What a fantastic informative, interesting, intimate, and inspirational post!!! I wish you the best Christmas ever and we’ll always be here to support you in any way 🤗X
Thank you, so kind of you. Sending my best wishes to you.
Good, honest post which I can relate to. I wish you a lovely Christmas.
What a lovely post, so thoughtful and relevant for a lot of folk.
As I get older I find myself thinking about folk who are struggling at this time of year. We are bombarded from all sides with depictions of the perfect Xmas, surrounded by family and an abundance of gifts, food etc.
This is just not the case for a lot of people.
I hope you all have a happy and peaceful time, wherever you and whoever you’re with xx
Thank you for your lovely post. I think it is relevant to most people that this vision we are given of the perfect idealism of Christmas, but I think it is hard on those who are or have illness and having RD I feel we strive hard enough throughout the year to keep as well as we can, that it can become an extra pressure, or a longing for things to be well or as they were before our RD again. So by realising that we can do things still, but be kind to ourselves as well as others however we spend Christmas. Be it in our pjs in a warm blanket, keeping old traditions or inventing new traditions if it is not possible to do things we used to do any more or being with family, friends, colleagues or on our own even. It is what is meaningful to us and is unique as our RD is to us. Reading the posts from all the lovely people on this site who seemed to be feeling guilty, perhaps upset, frustrated, or fearing isolation because they have had to decline invitations, opportunities to socialise because they are either too unwell, in pain either before, during or may be so the next day led me to write this post. I know that this year will be different and not easy one for me as the two people I dearly love can't be here, but I will greet the day as it comes and if my health means I am not able to do what I would have I will accept this and in time learn to adapt and make new traditions and memories of my own next time. Take care x
What a nice post and so relevant.
Every year, I have up to 20 friends and family for Christmas Day dinner and as much as I love it, it’s only the next day that I realise how much it has cost me.
I am hosting it again this year but have already made the decision that this will be the last year. My youngest is nearly 14 and we all agreed, next year we will go out to eat.
It’s a beautiful time but gosh, the pressure we out on ourselves to be doing so much, is enormous!
Whatever you do this year at Christmas, I wish you a lovely, peaceful time x
Thanks Eiram, take care of yourself this Christmas and I hope you get some time to rest. Enjoy the memories of traditions and the years you have had friends and family round, but look forward to the new next year too. Take care
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