Feeling guilty: Hi all just wanted to talk to people... - NRAS

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Feeling guilty

emma88 profile image
23 Replies

Hi all just wanted to talk to people that will be more likely to know how i feel. Been really bad for months now my right hand has been deformed for many years and now over the past few months my ring finger has started to curl over and stick every morning its had trigger finger in it for years but only started sticking the past few months its very painful to stretch it back out at times sometimes it loosens straIght away other days it doesnt unlock at all to add to that ive had bad knees and struggled to lift my arms most days so doing day to day things such as getting dressed and work have been a struggle, all this and im classed as in remission so not great haha. I spoke with my manager beginning of the week saying i had been bad so may have to go alot easier at work i said i will let her know what the nurse says as i wasnt too sure if it was just the cold that was making me so bad. Had my appointment yesterday and the nurse said my tendon in my finger wasnt doing what it should ( something along them lines they always use words i forget haha) thats why its curling over and sticking she said if it ever sticks again to the point where it wont unstick I am to go to a&e straight away as it can rupture she has booked me in for a joint injection and physio for my knees. Her saying i need to go a&e if it ever sticks made me think it was a bit worse than i thought so now im worried about work i work in retail which aint great ( i have tried to get a job thats more suited for my joint but keep having no luck) over the two weeks of xmas its not stop with your hands and being on your feet my manager did the xmas rotars before i had chance to tell her what the nurse said Im in for more days and hours than i think i would manage and very awkward shifts so im always in at peak times. I need to speak to her about it but i always feel guilty now all the other girls have seen the rotar they wont want to be changing shifts and i dont think she would change it anyway i jusy always feel guilty which i know i shouldnt and always feel they think im just exaggerating how i am. Does anyone else ever feel like that?

Sorry for the essay

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23 Replies
JulezH profile image
JulezH

I totally get it. I had ankle surgery in October and keep getting pressure and guilt to go back early and I am not healed yet. The thing is you have to be selfish - they don't know what you can handle but you do so you have to tell them. I am sure no one will be angry about it and if they are they are horrible people. Please help you to help yourself and no more wasted energy on guilt.

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to JulezH

Think thats my problem ive always put my work before me ive done alot more than what i should have over the years mainly because i always just feel people probably think im just complaining over nothing or in the past when i have asked for help its come across like im being a pain haha

in reply to emma88

As my husband always says, the more you do, the more they'll let you do, even if they can see you're struggling. Don't let guilt get the better of you. they won't appreciate you for it. Put yourself first and take care.

Guilt .... know all about that one feel,guilty that I can’t get involved with my family more , guilty I can’t do the housework and my husband works long hours and comes hone and does my share, guilty I can’t work as hard as I use to and my co workers pick up the slack... I tend to be honest at work and say I’m having a bad day so they know in advance and I also dropped my hours. I think it’s best you tell them in advance what your capable of so they can plan in advance rather than leave them in a mess when it becomes too much for you and you are off sick.

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to

Im not usually this bad this is the worst ive been for years ive only ever called in sick once in the 8 years of having it. I explained to my manager i had been really bad at the beginning of the week but wouldnt know until i had my appointment if it was more serious than i thought or if i could just have a steroid injection to ease it off but she had allready did the xmas rotar before i had chance to get out my appointment and speak to her thats why i now feel guilty when i know i shouldnt because i know i would have to try and change my shifts and hours ive been given when the other girls have now seen what they are working

in reply to emma88

I understand but you would be no good to them if you make yourself bad.... there’s no easy way . Maybe if you felt well enough later you could offer to change shifts.

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to

I sound daft i know, i shouldnt feel guilty for something i cant help i think because unless you have it you dont really understand it so if im describing how i feel some people just look like at me as if to say stop being so dramatic. I just need to stop worrying so much on what other people think and try and just put my health first till im better. I think once ive had the injection i should hopefully be back to being ok :) thank you for your replies

nomoreheels profile image
nomoreheels

Yes, it all sounds familiar & no, you're not exaggerating, it's how you are. I would still have a word with your Manager about the rota in spite of whether the other staff have seen it or not. They haven't got a limiting condition & should be understanding of what you are & arent' capable of doing at such a busy time. I worked in retail straight out of college so do understand how in the weeks before Christmas it racks up busy-wise.

Your trigger finger (stenosing tenosynovitis?) will hopefully be relieved by the steroid injection. It's due the tendon being inflamed & swollen. Normally the tendon moves smoothly in & out of it's surrounding sheath as the finger straightens and bends. In trigger finger the inflamed tendon can move out of the sheath as the finger bends. However, when the tendon is very swollen it cannot easily move back in as the finger tries to straighten, this is why the finger locks. When my Rheumy saw mine she said she'd inject it but thought it had gone too far & may need an op to cut the tendon sheath due to a GP dismissing it as not being trigger finger. Anyhow the steroid injection did work & whilst it does still lock it's only intermittently & nowhere near as bad as pre steroid injection. I hope the same for you,

Pinkypie2018 profile image
Pinkypie2018

Hi Emma, I totally understand how your feeling as I too work in retail and post office and I'm already dreading the month of December as its just so busy. Our work is extremely short staffed at present and I was asked to cover extra shifts and I just simply said no as my health comes first. Honestly you get absolutely no thanks for going to work when your in pain and suffering and other people just don't get it, but at the end of the day it's up to your manager to sort the shifts. And you don't want your xmas ruined either if your still in pain.

Hopefully maybe the injection works and that you feel better, but please don't feel guilty over something you simply cannot help. You need to put yourself first and never mind what the others think. Good luck.

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to Pinkypie2018

Thats what im worried about being in pain for xmas of ending up in a&e if it doesn't unlock im worried about irritating it more by doing too much at once with not enough rest. I always just worry too much about what other people think and i know i shouldnt. Yeah im hoping the injection sorts it out it will probably be after xmas they fit me in now for that. Thank you for your reply x

Pinkypie2018 profile image
Pinkypie2018 in reply to emma88

Hopefully you don't have to wait long that long for it.

AgedCrone profile image
AgedCrone

Ask your rheumy nurse if the rheumatologist will inject your trigger finger.

I had had that done twice ....once in my ring finger,& once in my little finger.

Both times it released straight away & the pain disappeared immediately too.

Trigger finger is a well-known phenomenon & is normally very easily treated.

Of Course I don’t know your personal circumstances ....there maybe some reason you cannot have this injection but definitely push hard for it because it works and lasts for a long time ......it was about 10 years between my two episodes.

Good luck!

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to AgedCrone

She put through for me to have a guided injection into the joint via ultrasound just got to wait for an appointment :)

AgedCrone profile image
AgedCrone

My rheumy did mine both times without ultrasound. Ask if you could have it that way you might get a quicker appointment?

attatel profile image
attatel

I think you should definitely speak to your manager and get your hours changed. I know it's difficult when you work in a small group of people and you know that it'll be a nuisance for them, but really, it's up to management to try to find a way round this. After all, if you get worse from over-doing it you might just have to take time off anyway. Try not to feel guilty!

Good luck and I hope you get the appointment soon!

RAreyna profile image
RAreyna

I struggle with guilt a lot. My husband works 11-hour days. When he has to do laundry, it's hard not to wonder if I'm just being lazy. I know laundry knocks me out for at least a full day, I know the pain and fatigue are real, but I feel so bad when the house is a tip and I'm on the couch.

rosie1928 profile image
rosie1928

Oh Emma. You poor dear.

Feeling guilty is definitely a side effect of being sick.

I have been guilty of accusing myself of over exaggerating too!

But I have a few dear friends that pull me up and remind me that I have to look after myself.

I've had RA for 26 yrs and I have realised that I must do everything I can to make myself comfortable,move around WHEN I CAN, and rest WHEN I NEED IT.

No one Will understand except one or two friends and your loved ones.

It's so hard to understand this dreadful disease ourselves.

You can't rush your healing and stress will make it flare.

You are sicker than you know and after 26 yrs I have come to terms with it.

Be yr own best friend and nurture yourself and bless those who try to understand.

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to rosie1928

Thank you for the lovely reply. I probably have pushed myself too much over past few months i just need to start taking time out for myself when i need it i think retail has made it worse tbh if i can find myself a job thats not so much on your feet i think ill do better. My finger has somehow started to unlock straight away the past two days god knows how or why, it was really bad before that but now its just all of a sudden unlocked itself within seconds

in reply to emma88

That’s RD for you .. I spent 7 months this year barely able to walk 15yards I say walk I shuffled and couldn’t move in the morning without hot/cold ice packs codeine and naproxen just to get out of bed. Then one morning I was fine 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to

Thats exactly whats happened with this ive been bad for months now and then the past two days its all of a sudden disapeared like nothing happened its mad im gonna look like ive been faking it now, im not sure whether i will need to get back in contact with the nurse and say as im due an injection and obviously i dont want to put anyone out or waste an appointment if im now fine, i cant believe its happened ive been going hours with my finger stuck in a curled up position to it now being absolutely fine and no pain or stiffness what so ever

in reply to emma88

Don’t worry what people think especially the nurse they know what this disease is capable off. As for work I would get some leaflets so your employers can understand the disease better that’s what I did. Thankfully things have settled down until next time 🙄🙄

emma88 profile image
emma88 in reply to

My work have asked for access to my medical records for HR so ive got to do that im hoping its just to understand the disease and not to see if im lying haha. Same with me everything's settles down now its madness how it can change that quick the pain i was in before was awful now its like it never happened i have just had an appointment through to see my consultant so i will explain to him and see if he still wants me to have the injection or if ill be fine now without

in reply to emma88

Probably best . Good luck

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