I was diagnosed with JRA at about age 2.. the flare ups returned in jr. high and throughout highschool, I couldn't even participate in my required P.E. classes. Due to the severity of the pain and flare ups I finally went to seek medical help. Thanks to my destroyed records from my first diagnoses I was back at square one and docs were no help (" you probably sprained your ankle" let me note I didn't do ANY extraneous activities). One doc tried to diagnose me with lupus which finally led me to a RA specialist in 2015. Again i was diagnosed with RA. Here I am 2 years later at age 21 finally looking into treatment to put my RA into remission. Doc started me on Prednisone and it did WONDERS physically, but greatly affected my mental health, I found myself yelling at my loved ones and I was not myself. Then we tried 15mg of methotrexate.. horrible horrible. I felt hungover every day, and like a zombie. Then I had a flareup so they upped my dosage to 20mg and after that I noticed a big mental shift and I literally didn't want to live. The depression hit me so suddenly. I made the personal choice to stop it because I rather feel like me then what meds shape me to be. I've lost a good 20lbs within the past 6 months due to vomiting, nausea, and loss of appetite from the drugs. I've been prescribed hydroxychloroquine but I'm holding off till an eye appointment in February because my RA specialist is concerned that I may have uveitis and I read hydroxychloroquine can cause eye issues, so better to be safe then sorry right. Since I have been off the methotrexate I've been lucky enough to not have a flare up and I'm happy that I'm me again. But now I'mat the point where I don't like the idea of trial and error, I don't want to take 6 months after 6 months trying to find something that'll work, but I want to be able to walk and run and dance and climb mountains. I also don't want to be on meds the rest of my life and it is so so so hard to have this constant reminder that I have to have this battle for the rest of my life and I'm only so young. I'm not sure how to cope. What scares me most is the emotional effects of RA itself and the mental side effects of drugs, because so far I haven't had much luck..