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visiting my father

It started on Thursday i rang him which i do regularly as he is 91 yrs old. On his own and still in the house he had with my mother who only died 2yrs ago. He didnt sound to bad, he was going out for eggs from the local butcher who he has dealt with for yrs. That is all for one day, and i said i would go down on friday. I rang on Friday to see if he needed anything taking and he was not good. His voice was not right, so i said i'm on my way. He had a very bad stiff neck he also has RA. He said the bedroom window was open and that was why his neck hurt.I fetched him some Paracetamol and told him how to take them as he does'nt take pain killers. I rang my brother to go see and see him that night after work to make sure he had some dinner., which he did and he did it for him. This is Sunday and my brother has gone and he is ringing me to let me know how he is. I am going again tomorrow and will see if he needs the GP, if he does i ring for a home visit.. My older sister usually see to him with me visiting when i can but she has gone to spain for a few weeks. She will come back if i need her but trying not to do that, other sister says he has been like this a few times this last few months but i hadnt seen him or heard him like that before.I dont think he is eating or drinking enough so wtch this space.

Sorry i've put it on here but beside my children the rest of the family forget i looked after my mother-in-law for 17yrs with no help except from them . So i do know what i'm talking about, if i say there is something wrong then there is.

Thanks for any replies.


8 Replies

Hi Chris,

I can hear how worried you are for your dad at the moment. I do hope you find him a bit better tomorrow. He must feel really grateful to have such a loving family.

Make sure you look after yourself as well though. x


Hi Chris. You are right. You know instinctively when your Dad is not right just by the sound of his voice. It's so difficult looking after our aging parents and much more so when we are aging ourselves and not in good health either. My mother has lived with my husband and I for nine years since she had a severe stroke. She's 90 next week. We still work full time (I'm 60) but off work at the moment due to polymyalgia. I also have RA and just found out I have cervical spondylosis which is triggering severe headache and migraines. My father in law is 92 and needs help too. I hope you get some support from your other family members although I know a lot of the responsibility falls on the daughters. I do hope your Dad is OK Chris. It's such a worry for you. Angela x


Well done to you for recognising the signs. At 91 it doesn't take much to pull someone down, so hope you get him eating and drinking again. X


Its a good thing to trust your instincts where parents and children are concerned. Well done for being a great daughter. Tilda x


I hope he's better today. My mum in law has been very hard work. She moved to a nursing home in November. I have never seen her so happy, three lovely meals per day, flat gets cleaned, loads of company , she's a different woman and we get time for ourselves!, xx


Hi Chris, I too have a 90 yr old father who is causing me great concern at present. He lives alone in the house we all grew up in, mum died many yrs ago aged just 52, so he's been on his own for nearly 40 yrs. A while back on a routine health check at his surgery the nurse mentioned that his blood sugar was a tad high and ever since then he is virtually starving himself. He has cut out all carbohydrates but never told me about this. I got a phone call two days ago from him telling me he thought he was having a heart attack!!! I live over 30 miles away and it was 6am!! I am also unable to drive in the dark as I have macular degeneration and cataracts, plus I am going through hell with a massive flare at present. I rang my sister who only lives half a mile from him (he never rings her for anything!!) only me who lives a long way away. She was angry I had woken her and then said she could not possibly go round as she had to get to work for 8am. I was furious with her as she never does a thing for dad.

I then was forced to ring my dad's neighbor, a marvellous lady who has been wonderful these past few yrs and she went straight round to dad. She did not think he was having a heart attack, she like myself is a type 1 diabetic and she thought he was having a hypo but she called for an ambulance anyway. When they arrived they checked him out and yes, it was definately hypo, blood sugar only 3.5.

As I had suspected he had cut out all his carbohydrates and this was the result. They took him to hospital anyway for further checks and when it was light I drove the 40 miles there. It turns out he has never had diabetes, but after the casual remark the GP,s nurse had made two months previous he had taken it upon himself to go and buy blood testing kit and had been cutting carbs out in order to get bloods lower than 5.5, which is far too low for him. They kept him in till today, he is home now.

He will not have social services in to assess him for any help. He will not have meals on wheels. My sister and brother do nothing to help my dad ever and they are both fit and well. I am calling Social Services Monday to discuss my dad in secret because I cannot cope any more and I hope we can try and sort some help out for him. The distance is too great for me to go over more than once a week and the way things are going with my eyes I might have to stop driving soon. Hope your dad is bit better now, it's a big responsibility isn't it? Lynda x


Chris you know don't you when something is wrong. Keep us informed of how he is please as i am sure i am not the only who will follow how he is. xxxxxx

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My father lved til 101 and resisted any help. He didn't drink enough. Your experience is so familiar. If he won't get hel from outside, can he stock up on ready meals? I do hope he improves. It's a worrying time for you.


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