well physically, mentally not............

[alibonura]

hi everyone,

not been on for 3 wks, im doing quite well joint wise but had some terrible news, i lost my brother very tragically june 14th, its hit me and my family very very hard and i just cant accept that he;s gone, just dont know what to do xx

[Hidden]

Really to sorry to read your sad news, my deepest sympathy to you and your family. X

[alibonura in reply to Hidden]

thanku x

[allanah]

oh no Ali. Sorry I know is not enough.

I lost my beloved Dad suddenly when i was young and went to talk to people called Cruse. The lady from Cruse had lost someone close, and as I couldn't talk to my mum or my brother and sister as they were grieving too, it helped me.

Its not even gonna get easier over night, it has taken me a long time to feel better about it and even now just find it hard to accept but just try to take it a day at a time. I found remembering the good laughs we had was lovely even if it was painful. Talking to others about him does help and if you can talk to your friends and family it does relieve some of that awful feeling, like there is a ton weight on your chest.

Also in the mornings i used to wake up thinking that i couldn't last another day but then i would realise my hubby and kids needed me and so did my mum. I found it so hard when i just wanted to curl up in a ball, and at times i did, and just cried, and that helped me.

Then i thought Dad would kill me if he knew i wasnt getting on with life and not talking to the family a lot about it, so i tried hard to tell them how i felt and listen to how they felt.

I felt guilty too having a laugh or a night out and couldnt do that for such a long time, as well he wasnt here and here I was enjoying myself but again i had to realise that well ,life does and had to, go on, i know that is what he would want me to do, and if I die tonight that my hubby and kids would manage as would mum and my brothers and sisters.

When you think of him try to smile at his life if you can. I also went to the gp and got sleeping tablets as i find it hard to sleep and they did help me get some rest and as i said Cruse helped a lot.

I really feel for you, I lost two Aunties in the last couple of months and the raw feeling takes a while to pass but it actually does. Theres not a day I dont think of Dad and the Aunties but the agony feeling goes off, then you get angry and start looking for someone to blame, then I went off anything religious , then at last i started to realise I was eventually having to start accepting it.

There really is not one answer on how to cope, you will find your own way and i wish you all the luck in the world.

all i can do is send you hugs and anytime you want a chat, message me if you want, hugs , Axxxx

[alibonura in reply to allanah]

thanku so much for your reply, its so so hard, i lost my Dad 4 yrs ago to cancer i thought i would never get over it but in time you learn to live with it.

i was just starting to get in a good place, i think of my dad everyday and miss him so so much, now im back a that awful place again.

i can honestly relate to everything you have said, i felt the same way, i cannot get my head around my brother being gone it still seems like a nightmare, we are a close family so we helping each other,

lots a love Ali xxx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry, you must be reeling from the terrible shock. Deepest sympathy to you and your family. Virge

[alibonura in reply to Hidden]

thanku x

[Ginsing]

What terribly sad news for you and your family. I know what an appalling shock you will all be reeling from. No words can make a difference at this time but I send a hug and my support to you. May he rest quietly take care xgins

[alibonura in reply to Ginsing]

thankyou i feel like im in a nightmare and cannot wake up x

[Hidden]

Hi Ali. Can't imagine how you are feeling . Thinking of you & your family. Stay strong & look after yourself. Xx Alison

[alibonura in reply to Hidden]

thanku x

[sylvi]

Ali, listen to allanah,as she has said what i felt when my mum died. She died tragically. She gave up after my dad died 8mths earlier. She drunk herself to death. It took me a long while to recover from her death as i was close to her being the oldest.It took me a long time come to terms with the way she died. Now i believe that there was nothing i could have done to change her dying.I believe that there are shelves of keys upstairs and when your time to die is due there is nothing anyone can do about it. I am sending you all my hugs today as you need warm hugs to comfort you.xxxxxx

[alibonura in reply to sylvi]

thankyou so much xx

[Caza]

Hi Ali,I'm sorry to hear your news. I lost my sister who was also my soul mate six yrs ago now. She was such a fit & beautiful lady. She played tennis everyday,she watched what she ate & drank,unlike me. She had a massive stroke & died,it was a huge shock,she hadn't even been ill. I miss her every single day & still have nightmares about it but all but allanah right my children needed me & so did hers so I had to stay strong. It's still early days for you so be kind to yourself & allow yourself to grieve. In time your remember all the good times you had with your brother & be able to recall them with fun & laughter & without the pain. It'll take time. Take care many hugs xx

[alibonura in reply to Caza]

true words i know, the pain is unbareable xx

[Hidden]

So sorry to learn you've had this tragedy. If you need help I think Allanah is right about Cruise - perhaps you could ask your GP. X

[alibonura in reply to Hidden]

xx

[Munchkinella]

So sorry to hear your sad news Ali. Some wise words already been written so will not add. Sending you and your family my love and prayers. Love Janet xxx

[alibonura in reply to Munchkinella]

thankyou x

[nellysgran]

So sorry to hear your sad news, I lost my brother last year, its so very hard to carry on but you will, remember the good times you had and that will see you through, all my love to you and your family.

Hugs Wendy xx

[alibonura in reply to nellysgran]

thankyou so much x

[Sharon56]

So terribly sad to read your news what a shock for you. As previous people have said it will take time and you must deal with it however you feel. Its two years since my Mum died in her sleep at home and I still have a little chat with her photo. I am sending you kind thoughts and empathy. As Wendy says it is hard to carry on but you will and in time you will laugh and remember the good times and the funny things he said. Sharon

[alibonura in reply to Sharon56]

i talk to his picture, the only comfort im getting is knowing he is with our Dad xx

[summer32]

Dear Ali,

sending you my deepest sympathy such sad news.. as well as cruise there is another charity called Winston's wish it is more famous for its work with children but it helps adults too x

[alibonura in reply to summer32]

thanks, i think im going to have to talk to someone because i just cant take it in xx

[helixhelix]

That's so sad, I know how I'd feel if anything happened to my sisters so much sympathy. Do talk to people, and not try to be too brave. Pollyx

[alibonura in reply to helixhelix]

xx

[allanah]

how are you today?

[alibonura in reply to allanah]

trying to be strong but its so hard xx

[Craw]

So sorry to hear your news.

I lost my dad a year ago and it is very hard to get over.

As someone said before think of all the good times you had together.

Mary x

[alibonura in reply to Craw]

thankyou so much xx

[DandyLad]

I too lost my brother, just a few weeks before Christmas. I had a call from him a month or so prior to his death, he told me that he had cancer in his stomach, colon and kidneys. There were no treatments available and 8 weeks later he died. We were not close at all however my Mum is distraught, not only has she lost one son her other, that's me, also has a terminal illness. I know that sometimes you can't even catch your breath, that the whole things is just too over whelming, but what can you do? Hold on tight to your family, come together and you just have to take one day at a time. You will get through this, it will be painful but the one thing I carry with me is my brothers love, that will never change and I love him too. The love won't change and it will be with me for the rest of my life. If you really don't think that you can cope contact your GP and ask for bereavement counselling.

[alibonura in reply to DandyLad]

Dandylad my reply for you is under your comment, i cant think straight, one minute im ok n the next a wreck xx

[alibonura]

xx

[alibonura]

its just so hard isnt it, i want it to stop but it wont, i know its time and it will get easier but i just cant believe he isnt hear anymore.

we are a close family and are all suporting each other xx