Went in to work today ended up in floods of tears. That is so not me. I think that is the steroids seems to do my head in, To be honest have been down since diagnosis, Been seeing my GP who i have to say is very good i have no complaints there.
What is at the root of my( suppose ) depression is why me. Which i feel is very selfish of me or winning which ever is your point of view.
I think what has made me feel even worse is the fact i have failed on sulpha and hydroxy. I have been started on mtx which i did not want to take. This is because of my liver. I had hep b about 30 years ago Well cut along story sort consultant has done tests on my liver and spoken to a liver man he has ok it. My consultant has even arranged for me to have an ultra sound on my liver.
Well i took the mtx were my stomach should be felt like a brick. Stomach acid burnt my throat intestines felt dreadful. I phone the rheumy well tx said what had happen to be told i would be changed to injec mtx the rheumy nurse said she would post the script. This is were the fun starts !! I now have to travel 30 miles then park the car which is no mean feat to be shown how to do injections.( why can't my GP show me all hell broke lose when i asked)
Well can say the floods of tears has given me two weeks of work full pay on the say so off my boss. Think he thinks that i will be well when i go back!. I did try to point out that rheumy takes time to sort us out thats assuming that the change of meds will do the trick.
As for the depression i am taking mirtazapine which me thinks is so not working. I hope that this journey i am on will at least improve a bit pleaseeeeeeee
Very sorry to be a moaning old woman i will try to pull myself together. And look on the brighter side of life. thank you for reading xx
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miss
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bless you ive just left a blog pretty much the same, its hard when no one understands how we feel im waiting for my reumy to get back in touch with me, dont think my meds are working take care chin up michelle x
Don't apologise for moaning, we're all here to support each other and have a good moan when we need to. This illness and its treatment is far from straightforward isn't it ? I'm starting the injections for the same reason as you. We just have to keep reading the positive blogs on here to remind ourselves that there is light at the end the tunnel. Just wish I knew how long the tunnel was !
Thanks guys hope the time off will help. Just hope mtx dose the trick...... Heres hopping xx
I think the injectable MTX might be the way to go for you actually Miss. It really does make a huge difference to my RA although unfortunately I still have tolerance issues, but this might be about my gallstones or a hernia so please don't worry. I don't normally get depressed but until quite recently I really did struggle to accept that I have RA. I think a large part of this is about ignorance - my own initially and then that of others around me. It has taken me over a year to accept and understand what is happening to me but now I have I feel much better psychologically. My GPs were both fairly reluctant to let me start injectable MTX. I think its just that they don't have other patients here on it and they didn't even realise that it was self injected and all I would need was a lesson from the practice nurse. Now they prescribe it just like the oral stuff and hopefully this means that anyone else who needs to switch in my area will be able to do so easily. Its also a lot more expensive than the oral stuff so they are maybe trying to avoid this - in the current economic situation. Its not a nice feeling when our GP fails to support us in this way though I know. Xx
so sorry to hear this.. mirtazipine may not be the right drug for you?? it would take at least two to three weeks to feel benefits if it is the right drug, there are more you can try this seems a strange choice pm me and I WILL have a chat and see if I can help further xx
Think they have done tests to check the mtx is safe for you.. ultra sound etc. I would have thought liver would have hopefully recovered after 30 years xx
Summer is right about about you having the tests to check your liver. PM her as she knows what she is talking about. YOu don't have to apologise at all,as has been said here before me we are all in the same boat and we all need support one way or another. You will get there in the end, as to how long, how long is a piece of string,nobody knows how long it takes to get on an even keel. Some get sorted straight away,others it takes longer. There is no one size fits all with this disease sadly. So i am sending you a sylvi hug to cheer you up.xxxx
This disease is scary & depressing as we have to live with the pain & tiredness before the meds kick in. Like you I have just started MTX, I was told that it will take weeks for it ti start to work & even then the tiredness will be the last to go
Thank you all for your support it is gratefully received. Tilda my GP phoned me as he said no other patient in my area has ever had it. I thought that quite strange as others on this site and you of course use it. Have to say Tilda from what you have said about injet MTX has elevated any fears i might have had so thank you. Sylvi thank you for your lovely hug and yes i will PM Summer. Pauline you are write it really is very scary this disease xx
I think we all go through the why me stage at least once....if not a few times, so don't feel bad about it. It's hard to come to terms with having this, and especially when still trying to get meds to work. I also found that steroids made me loopy, and very emotional so would cry one minute and be shouting at my OH the next. Do give the injectable MTX a try, it really made the difference for me and I got used to the injections pretty quickly. Still don't like doing it, but it's manageable. Polly
Your blog resonates so much with me, have been and am going through exactly the same at work at the moment and with the drugs, plus steroids again in the last two weeks. Have also struggled on sulpha, but still on hydroxide and meth, have had dodgy liver results on meth so my dose has fluctuated over the last 16 months. Am having a major drugs review at the moment so expect regime change
When were you diagnosed? I was in jan 2012, the why me's dominated my life for a long time (esp as i'd had cancer 3 years before). I think I started to accept it after a year but the last few months have been dreadful because of the sulpha, major flare, emotions all over the place. Fundamentally I still accept it even though i'm still p****d off it's happened and i don't know where it will end up. Lack of control and uncertainty are hard for most people and I'm a control freak!! Am not on anti-depressants and trying not to go there even though have cried most days for the last 3 months and find it dufficult to talk about esp,when people are too nice!!
I gave my boss the NRAS guide for employers this week and told him how I've been feeling for months, he has read it and explained it to his boss so am hoping I can work on developing their understanding when I'm feeling stronger and it's more under control. At the end of the day I know I do a great job and they don't want to lose me. They're probably scared of what it means in their own way so I can reassure them that when it's under control I can operate as before with adjustments from time to time however unpredictable that turns out to be for both parties.
I hope this has helped in some way, have just started on this blog thing but it seems like a very supportive environment and I wish you well
I was diagnosed last Aug 12 i started having symptoms last May.I have found the blogging is very good for me. Hope you find as much soloists as i.
Yesterday my boss was brill and i am thankful for that. But up until then i would say no interest from management really at all. Now he seems more interested the cynical side of me say who's going to do the job now!!! In between the sobbing i did manage to ask what he thought RA was. He had no idea really just wanted me to go to counselling which i pointed out i was seeing the doc already.
When i go back he wants to know more well that was yesterday. so i will see when i go back.
You have had such a hard time already (cancer) Think about the anti-depressants coz you should not have to cry every day. Have come to the conclusion what ever gets me though the day now. Take are of your self xxx
Hi Miss, I hope you feel better soon, try and rest as much as possible during your time off work. Sometimes it takes us breaking down for people to see how bad we really feel so in a way it has been helpful. I hope the injections help soon and remember there are many newer drigs now so try and stay positive. xx
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take care chin up 
michelle x
Liver bother 😡
Depo-Medrone is done with me, but lasted almost a month
having a catch up day :)
Abatacept concerns
