Hi All hope you are all well as can be expected, I had my BP took on Friday its still high 160/95 and was told by the nurse i have to go for an ECG due to high cholestral and High BP i they need to check my heart now, i updated her on meds taking now Enbrell and she hadnt heard of it , i was shocked sne had never heard of it being a nurse and dealing with all tyoes of patrients, well she has now , She asked me if i still smoked , i said no i stopped 9 weeks ago and i dont use patches anymore . She said good because of your cholestral and high blood pressure you could have had heart attack if you had continued. So much for cheering me up. Well i left the surgery after she had booked me in for pnuemona jab and sent request for ECG feeling very low and upset i dont know what it is i just feel like i could burst into tears ever since i visited physio.
On my return home my daughter rang me to invite me over, Its half hour drive to her house and even though i didnt feel great I thought i will get out for a bit and perhaps lift my mood and see my daughter and grandchildren which usually does the trick. No i was wrong ! when i got there my daughter asked me how i had got on at the doctors i told her and was a little teary eyed when i did. I explained that i'm feeling down and that since my diagnosis in Sept everything seems to have got worse and i'm fed up of it all, to which she replied oh for god sake mother just suck it up and get on with it loads of people have this stop stressing about it. I was gob smacked to say the least , i never complain to my children i always muddle through, this was the first time i had really said how i felt apart from first diagnosis. I immediately shrugged it off and said oh it dont matter and changed the subject i was so hurt and upset i was really shocked i struggled to fight back the tears . She then said lets go into the living room my one grandson had fallen asleep and my other grandson was half way there. We sat down by my grandson who snuggled up to me telling me how he'd missed me as he was falling asleep. How sweet of my little man he is only 4years old , i cuddled him and wrpped his blanky over him as he dropped off. My daughter then said i'm shattered been burning the candle at both ends for some weeks going out with my friends and had a friend over last night to stay. Her friend had broken up with her boyfriend and needed an ear so she had let her stay but i'm tired now. With that she started to fall asleep, i just felt so hurt and used she had only asked me over to look after my grandchildren while she slept, dont get me wrong i love my grandchildren and love having them but the way she had treated me was so rude.
My dauughter split with her fiance 7 months ago after finding out he'd been cheating on her for 2 years with random women he is a soldier in the army and lied about when he was home so he could go and see other women. I have been there for her from the day she met him and when it all happened me and her father paid to have her move to a new rented house and helped settle her in so she could be by her friends as this is what she wanted and we have still go down to see her and help her when ever needed. Since this split though she has been burning the candle at both ends and her father and i have spoken to her about calming it down a bit . It seems to have gone in one ear and out the other and she has become cold towards us .
I decided to go home i was tired and my knees and wrists were painful i had made the journey there and now i had to struggle on the journey back i was so hurt and angry with her. she just said shut the door on the way out and stop being stroppy i cant help it if i'm tired. I never said a word just shut the door and cried all the way home. How could she be so rude and uncaring.
Am i being over sensitive because i am low?... am i seeing this all wrong?...... What did i do to deserve this and off my own daughter, I cried all evening my hubby is furious, i told him to leave it for a while as it will just cause alot of upset. He said he is so angry how dare she treat you like this after everything you have done for her. I am going to just leave her to it for a while as i am very hurt and upset at present and may say something i will regret.
I have got up this morning still feeling upset and crying and wondering where did it all go wrong ?....
Sorry to have gone on just needed to share and get it off my chest .
Hope you all have a lovely day i'm hoping the sun will come out today i always feel it makes you feel better and things look brighter.
hugs all lena xxx