Not great if I'm totally honest.....

[nsd_user663_2681]

Morning campers.... Well, I just want to put it out there because I can't pretend any longer..... This is hellish... For the past couple of weeks I've felt like utter plop.... To the point that I don't feel anything, even towards the people I love.... It's just a numbness and emptiness... I feel like half of me is missing.... I have been CT for over a week now and quit for 38 days, so what's that..... Just over 5 weeks?? Can't shake off this depressed feeling..... Utterly fed up..... I'm sure it will pass at least I hope it will hope everyone else is faring better xx

[nsd_user663_63632]

Morning Donna, sorry to hear your feeling bad, I know how your feeling I swing from highs down to massive lows and like you feel like something is missing in my life

I just keep plodding away at my quit waiting for the magic day when I feel normal, I know it will come we just have to be strong. Im not great with words so I cant offer you some inspirational quote and fantastic words of wisdom only you own your quit ,choose health, choose life, choose freedom they will all come.

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to nsd_user663_63632]

Thanks Brian, it's a relief to know I'm not the only one that can go from blissfully happy to downright depressed in the

He space of a few days....quitting really is tough

[Incy_Wincy]

Donna dear I'm so sorry you're feeling poop. It will pass, of course it will...what were you on before CT? I went straight for CT so I don't know what it's like for you, really, but the withdrawal part must be similar, and I can categorically state that I do not feel the same now, nearly five weeks in, as I did after my first week. I remember feeling tense and a bit empty, but I kept myself really busy - even if a lot of the time 'busy' was reading or playing candy crush while noshing bag upon bag of wine gums and liquorice allsorts.

Also, I used the horrid feelings to remind myself what a demon nicotine is, and how much I wanted to escape, if that makes sense. So instead of trying to brush off the negative feelings, acknowledge that they're there, and WHY they're there, and have faith that if you keep fighting, eventually they'll be gone for good.

I chanted Not One More Puff in my head for hours at a time sometimes...

One last thought: is there anyone in the penthouse that still feels depressed and lonely without smoking? I don't think there is - because it really does pass if you keep battling through - you've done so well, keep pushing.

Hugs xx

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to Incy_Wincy]

Hi incy I was on patches before, when I went CT which was I think 10 days ago? I felt liberated at first, for the first few days I was so happy and proud that I had gone CT but now I just feel awful.... It's like quitting all over again

[Incy_Wincy in reply to Incy_Wincy]

Aw lovely lady, you know you can do it though, right? I had a phase about ten days/two weeks in when I really couldn't believe how well I was doing, sort of expected to cave in and smoke again, and it was a bit of a fight to realise that hey, I was already doing what I set out to do - NOT smoke...I'd won. And then I felt great again.

Hang in there, you can do this and we're all right behind you with an armory of mantras and positive thoughts and inspirational success stories and empathy and stuff. Fight fight fight!

[nsd_user663_59644]

Oh Donna, soooo pleased you have posted life's sometimes so difficult, sometimes there's a reasoning, sometimes there is not. But the fact you have found the strength to put it out there( as you say) shows what a strong woman you are, and in that it shows you want change, maybe a little trip to the docs have a little check up.

DONNA Wow your doing so well in your quit I do hope you can hang tight to that. It is indeed quite normal some times to feel alone and lost even with people around us, but hope this passes soon.

Thinking of you take care

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to nsd_user663_59644]

Hello my lovely thanks for your reply I am hanging on with no intention of failing but it's really really hard at the moment

[nsd_user663_58050]

I know these feelings you describe. I knew them when I was thinking I needed to give up smoking when I still smoked, and thinking I would feel empty. And that was in anticipation of stopping! And from time to time I am feeling down with not smoking. You use the word 'empty' and that's exactly right. I have a niggling feeling of lowness and missing much of the time. Deep unforced breaths help me to a degree, as does exercise, and as does distractive TV programmes, reading, films and I forget about the emptiness for a while.

Some people get really assertive, angry even, in beating this demon, and I wonder if we let slip who the real enemy is. Cigarettes. But instead we turn the anger on ourselves. Sounds a bit psychobabble. But get angry with the nicotine monster again, and his poisonous mates, and not allow him to turn it back on you. From your supportive posts to others on here, I know you recognise the monster and what we need to do to be rid of it. You need to be looking after yourself as well and telling yourself those positive things again and again and again. Easy to say, I know............I'm going on, and making a bit of a mess. I know what I mean!! Just stay with it. Having a cigarette will not make it all better.

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to nsd_user663_58050]

Thanks WAB, you aren't babbling I understand perfectly, your post has really helped thanks x

[nsd_user663_63114]

Oh Donna how horrible for you. If it helps, I went loopy on day 26, everyone hated me and I was shouty lady. I wrote a mildish post at the time but believe I was almost psychotic and paranoid! It is a horrible experience but does go, I promise. I believe it is Custer's last stand, get through this and the other side is relatively easy

You know this is your forever quit, and it looks like those pesky fags are doing their best and meanest tricks to get you back, show 'em who's boss x

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to nsd_user663_63114]

Thanks Caroline, your right, this is my forever quit and no matter how much I would like a cigarette at the moment there's no way I'm going down that road, I can see smoking for what it is and that's where I've failed in the past, I always thought 1 won't hurt, but it does and it will x

[AnnMarie74]

Hi Donna

I am sorry you feel rubbish. I think at 1 week CT you are at a tough point where nicotine withdrawal is shouting. It will pass, you can see this from the other ex smokers. I know the feeling you describe and it is dangerous because it has made me relapse in the past. Cigarettes seemed like good friends and we feel like something is missing and life will never be the same, we will never feel again but it's just addiction talking. I think you posted a link to whyquit.com once in an old post. I may be confused about this but whoever it was helped me lots because whenever I think I am missing something I read it and it helps me to understand addiction and why I am feeling the way I do and to remember I am doing ok and then I feel better, proud of what I'm doing. People around you will support you Donna and even if not be selfish for a few weeks. I am at 5 weeks cold turkey and its better now. 😀 I think it might be the CT and will pass soon x

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to AnnMarie74]

Thanks Anne Marie, I think we are conditioned to the fact that with CT the nicotine is gone in 72 hours but nothing prepares you for the psychological withdrawal that follows, it's just dawned on me that this is the longest I have been without Nicotine, ever!! Xx

[nsd_user663_63128]

Hey Donna, I too am no wizard with the words. But I too think its completely the addiction talking and a quick visit to your GP wont do any harm - unfortunately us ex-smokers will go through a whole load of funny head stuff in the early days of our quits. You'll be fine though, I'm sure.

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to nsd_user663_63128]

Bless you TT, I think your way with words is just fine, the fact you have replied is lovely so thank you I am on anti depressants anyway for anxiety and I have suffered depression previous to quitting so I think I'm one of those people that's prone to find it exceptionally hard to quit, I guess that's why I've been here so many times lol, there's no way I'm giving in, just wish I wasn't so exhausted and downtrodden at the moment xx

[nsd_user663_63741]

Mr Nick really is the devil. He doesn't let go easily. Please try to remember you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by quitting. Get a hammer and hit him full on. We are all rooting for you xxx

[nsd_user663_2681 in reply to nsd_user663_63741]

Thanks Spanish, it is easier said than done sometimes to pull yourself together but you are quite right it's what I need to do, I hope my holiday next week will do the trick xx

[nsd_user663_40832]

Guess it must be true that you cant have a rainbow without a little rain Donna.

I definitely know what you mean, but chin up a day at a time, and it will pass.

I've just seen on the news the people who have won a million on the lottery for the 2nd time, now if that's not taking the last silk cut, I dont know what is

[Incy_Wincy in reply to nsd_user663_40832]

Sun'll be out in a minute

I heard about them on the news too - is it real? Lucky buggers!

[nsd_user663_2681]

Ha thanks Andrew my own signature is my mantra I should take note how can someone win a million twice on the lotto, that's just unfair!

[nsd_user663_40832]

Ha indeed, jammy so and so's

I have a bad lottery day dream of winning and nipping to the shop to celebrate for a pack of you know what.

Even though I don't want to smoke ever, some weird brainwashing makes these thoughts sneak past the defences. Bring on the time when they dont.

[nsd_user663_62023]

I remember that empty feeling. It was awful, felt like somebody had taken a spoon and hollowed out my insides. You do get back to feeling like yourself Donna honest, just don't stray from the path. The transition is nasty but so worth it in the end. All of a sudden you'll be a sweet smelling butterfly instead of a smelly caterpillar!

[nsd_user663_59644]

Morning Donna, I do hope your getting on ok, but if your still feeling a little pants, better times will be ahead I,m sure.

[nsd_user663_58050]

Hi Donna. How's today going? Some of the posts above have me thinking. I have taken antidepressants on four occasions in my life, and I'm taking now. My GP changed me to a new prescription five weeks ago, and it's working a treat as the one before wasn't making any difference. On this occasion I started as my mood had dropped very low due to persistent physical health issues, which really were impacting on my life quality.

I first started with anxiety and depression when adolescence hit and, I now believe that they/it let me let the smoking demon into my life, along with being decorated nicely with a good dollop of low self-value, self-criticism, and a sprinkling of lack of self-care that go hand in hand with depression, and of course smoking! This is exactly what we do with this smoking malarkey - we don't value ourselves, we criticise ourselves, and we don't look after ourselves. And when we quit but have the craves, we repeat all this over and over again. It's like a recording on a loop!

At this time, I am not going to let any of this have control of me. I'm in the driving seat on this quit. I sometimes get stuck in traffic jams, but I'm not giving up on giving up. And I have to keep reminding myself of this, when I can remember!

Breathe in the fresh air. It helps fill my empty spaces.

All the best to you.

[nsd_user663_2681]

It's day 39 and this is the worst day so far with it a doubt.... Ever since I opened my eyes this morning I've been hoping it's nearly bedtime thank you for your kind words it's so appreciated and it's really helping xxxx

[nsd_user663_63128]

not long before it's bed time Donna - f it, if you can, why not just hit the sack now - get a movie going on a tablet or phone or something and veg out in bed until you drop off - then that's another day in the bag right? I don't feel particularly great myself - but one day at a time is all I'm homing in on these days.

[nsd_user663_59644]

Hi my lovely. Oh bless a early night I hope.

It's tough going I know. But this is the quit Donna, I believe this is it. Knuckle down glass or two of something nice. Or sweets.

You have QUIT Donna keep going my lovely, you can and are doing it.

I,ve said befor but will say again, if it was easy the world would be smoke free, but it will get better, this is a step that's the difference between failure and success.

Thinking of you, ride the wave you can do it, so pleased you have got this far

[nsd_user663_63128]

plus I want you to stay 5 days ahead of me all the way to the penthouse baby!!!!!!

[Incy_Wincy]

Hang in there Donna love - you can do this! TT's right, just go to bed and curl up with a book or a film if you can - I've done my fair share of that, too! xx

[nsd_user663_59644]

Donna please have a look at your avitar, I would like it to say.

DRIVING TO THE PENTHOUSE.

Says so much more don't you think?

[nsd_user663_2681]

Bless you all, so kind well it's been one of those days where I just cannot shake off the crave, to the point I even text my husband to get some on the way home, then 2 mins later I text him back and said actually don't lol.... I KNOW I cannot have even one puff, I just can't, but that doesn't mean I don't want a puff cos I do, I really do but I won't it's just not worth all this pain of keep quitting again, I'm in bed now, got through another day by the skin of my how pearly white teeth xx

[nsd_user663_63128]

Nice one DJ, night night.

[nsd_user663_59644]

Moning Donna, just popped in to say, I o hop to day is a bett day for you

[Incy_Wincy]

Moning Donna, just popped in to say, I o hop to day is a bett day for you

Haha, Tracey I came to say exactly that, too Stay strong donna x

[nsd_user663_26699]

Hi Donna,

My advice is to let yourself feel like crap with the understanding that it is a phase that many people go through. Don't wallow in what is happening or try to fight it. Just accept it for what it is. The fact that you called back your husband to cancel the request for cigarettes is a great sign that you know deep down that you're on the right track. A lot of people feel numb when they quit. I know I certainly did, but I hung in there. Every morning when I woke up I mentally high-fived myself, thinking about how great it was to have managed another day without smoking. Eventually, you will get to a point where you wake up in the morning and think "of course I made it through another day without smoking", and later you will wake up and no longer even think about it.

Just keep doing what you're doing and everything will fall into place.

Alex.