Day 10 of quitting cold turkey... and I've been having a couple of really hard days, thinking about smoking a lot.
But what really annoys me most, is the willingness of my mind to trick me. So, I want to smoke so badly, right? But if I think about the actual act of smoking, I do not feel any release or pleasure anymore (and that's in stark contrast with the earliest days in my quit): just a, okay, why would I want to put smoke in my lungs? So: I don't want to smoke, yet I keep telling myself I do. How messed up is that?
But, hanging in there. Still not smoking
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It's not really you that wants to smoke, Alma You're a sane and sensible person. You want to be a non-smoker, but as you know, cigarettes created this nicko-demon (I like that, spanisheyes!) who can only survive if you feed him. And you're bigger and stronger than he is. And you've got all of us here behind you!
Around about ten days (I'm only on 13 myself...) trying to stop thinking about smoking all the time, because even thinking about it feels a bit risky sometimes, I started picturing my newly non-smoking self as a child. A toddler, say, just big enough to tell me that she thinks she'd like to go and do something totally unsuitable, like play on the mini-roundabout, or juggle knives. She thinks it's something she can do, and as long as she's careful it'll be ok. I know how dangerous it would be, and that it would be madness to let her do something so dangerous, so I won't! Absolutely no question, no arguments, just NOPE! Does this make sense? Or am I completely off my rocker now?
There's times I still think it'd be fun to smoke. But it's not really me, thinking it, and it's getting easier to know that, instead of having to convince myself every time. We'll get there!
It's as I said in my post in your welcome thread Alma, you've gone through the physical act of smoking 20 times a day for 25 years, it's almost like a conditioned reflex now. Indeed all our reward cigarettes are Pavlovian by nature, we complete a task - have a smoke, need to think - have a cigarette, have something to eat or drink - have a cigarette etc, etc.
Quitting smoking involves breaking a chemical addiction to the nicotine and the other chemicals, the physical addiction of the mechanics of smoking (hand to mouth) and the psychological addiction of why we smoke (in truth it's to prevent withdrawal symptoms from the nicotine we got from the previous cigarette).
We believe we smoke to give ourselves pleasure and to make ourselves feel good when in fact we smoke to prevent the pangs of withdrawal caused by smoking in the first place.
It's a complex addiction and time really will heal. Once the psychological addiction has been broken a quit falls into place nicely but until then stick religiously to NOPE (Not One Puff Ever). Never feed the demon or you'll be back to square one in no time at all as a full blown smoker again.
Take it minute by minute, hour by hour to start racking up the time between you and your last smoke will pay dividends in the end, you just have to have faith that eventually not smoking becomes your new habit and everything becomes normal again.
You're doing great and 2 weeks is on the horizon - feet don't fail me now!
Ah the romanticising phase.... We have all been subject to those thoughts... Might I suggest hitting Nic over the head with a blunt instrument?! Treat Nicodemon like an ex... You had fun for a while, it's not working out so ta ta
Incy -- in another post you hope your messages are not too flippant -- let me tell you: they are the warmest, bounciest, kindest messages! They make me happy every time.
All -- thank you. I'm hanging in there. In fact, I think something "switched" mentally later today in the same way I experienced a physical switch on Day 2 of my quit. I'm feeling really good now, mood tremendously improved.
I will not fail, Capitan! Too much has been invested in those 10 days And Donna: I love the metaphor. Yeah we've had fun, but it's clearly not working out anymore!
Hi Alma! Just an inane hello, really, to see if you're ok I saw you post that yesterday was tough - I hope that today was better for you. It's SO going to be worth the effort Alma!
I keep telling myself that it's only ever really nasty for a few minutes at a time, and weighing that up against how many minutes of life I have left to enjoy (hopefully!) Having said that, I've noticed a big drop in smoking related thoughts the last couple of days (day 16 and 17). Hang in there! xx
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