Day 45. Rebuilding :o

Hiya :)

Well I've had a pretty grotty couple of days - hence my vanishing act and it felt really odd!!

Woke up on Tuesday morning feeling a bit pooey and grumpy (ended up biting my poor dad's head off :() couldn't get on here so when the crave kicked in there was nowhere to call for help - can't bug people face to face about it!!

Anyway it got a hold, and my positivity went AWOL, the *insert word nice girls like me :p don't use here* and I ended up massively craving a smoke.

Like before it wasn't that I thought it would be nice, the sensible bit of me knew perfectly well it wouldn't be, and that it wouldn't be one ciggie then back on with it, but I'd be full time smoking again - that thought did keep me off them thank flip!! It was just that I got sick to death of a constant toddler throwing a wobbler in my brain :confused:

Yesterday was worse, ended up heading off to beg a cigarette because I was desperate, and was seriously thinking about failing. Was strong enough to divert from the next office to the loo instead and had a good bawl - waterproof mascare totally isn't by the way.

Luckily, I got a load of messages on my Yahoo (YAY for iPhones!!) saying that there was a search party out, and I got a load of support from some lovely people. <3

So today, my quit is still on :D I haven't smoked :cool: and although I am still craving, it is nowhere near as bad as it was yesterday!!

I suppose it's a good warning for me really, had been poleing along nicely with no major trouble or craves for ages so I guess it made me overconfident and Nic does love a good surprise attack :eek:

So for now, it's back to "I won't smoke for the next hour" and carrying on!!

36 Replies

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  • Well done for hanging in there sweet pea. Just another step towards a life without that horrible, stinky Nic! We're always here, no matter when you need a little support &#128522; xxx

  • Well done for hanging in there sweet pea. Just another step towards a life without that horrible, stinky Nic! We're always here, no matter when you need a little support &#128522; xxx

    Aww thanks hun :)

    It did scare me how he couldcome back so strong, but i got through!!

    xxx

  • I DO exactly know what you are saying (in the same place)

    So well done for staying strong he CAN'T win this now

    we have both come to far :mad:;) xx

    It's flaming horrible isn't it? But yes we can't let him win, oh no!!

    Well done you for resisting too hun xxx

  • Gemma glad your ok and can relate to the way your feeling:)

    I'm pretty miserable myself what with one thing and another...but we are still here...yes? And smoking won't solve anything so onwards and upwards.....x

  • Good to see you still hanging on hon and getting your stubborn head back on - that is priceless when it comes to holding fast when the evil little oik throws everything he has at you.

    Proud of you for keeping going and it may be that your experience gives a timely reminder to some other quitter who has been having a good run of a few days together and is then suddenly hit from out of the blue by a huge crave - celebrate the easy days when you have them folks, enjoy them to the full, but always keep your guard up and beware ambushes by our smelly nemesis, he just LOVES to catch us unawares.

    Thanks hun, it was not easy (well you know that :o) and it was scary!!

    I hope it does help other people in the same situation knowing that I came out the other side

  • Lovely post Gemma :D Very proud of you!!!!

    Yes we all got pretty nervous when you went awol :eek:

    But you do have a very powerful stubborn streak in you,that much is obvious and it is THAT which will win this arm wrestle with Nic.:D If again you feel the resolve waning away,dig in be determined and blame Nicdemon,make it an incantation in your mind that NO WAY will he get you back,if you have to stay in bed all day you will,because once you beat the worst he can hit you with,what he can aim at you after that is tame and weak :D and many longer term quitters fail not because they cannot resist a severe crave,but because they become blase and think one puff or one ciggy is going to stay just one-WRONG.:rolleyes:

    You are not that far away from green fields and blue sky Gemma,and believe me,it is fantastic to stroll through those crave free meadows :cool: xxx

    Aww thanks Max, it as definitely touch and go and I'm still craving today but it's a lot less bad than yesterday!!

    You're right, I've blown quite before because i thought I could have "just one" or only smoke socially - well I know that can't happen any more.

    Am hoping to get out of the manky bits soon and settle into being a non-smoker :D xxx

    Gemma glad your ok and can relate to the way your feeling:)

    I'm pretty miserable myself what with one thing and another...but we are still here...yes? And smoking won't solve anything so onwards and upwards.....x

    Awww sorry you're struggling a bit too :( Stupid Nic!!

    We'll get through!! xx

  • Look at it as though Nick O'teen is a real person...a stalker. One of those bl00dy awful people you keep trying to throw off but who just keep on coming back (gawd knows I've dealt with a few of THOSE in my time) & just think that, every time he turns up with that sneaky smile, giving you that shivery feeling, you....KICK THE LIVING KERAP OUT OF HIM! THROW HIM AROUND, STEVEN SEAGAL LIKE (or Neo...whichever floats yer boat), STAMP ON THE MO'FO' & HURL HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE! Oops...sorry...excessive use of caps...went off on one there, I did! :o Then pick yourself up, shoulders back, head up, big deep breath in through your nose, & exhale through your mouth...then look at yourself in the mirror, salute yourself & continue your day. Each moment Nick O'teen stalks you will become less frequent & less intense...one instant at a time...little by little, you'll get there :)

  • Look at it as though Nick O'teen is a real person...a stalker. One of those bl00dy awful people you keep trying to throw off but who just keep on coming back (gawd knows I've dealt with a few of THOSE in my time) & just think that, every time he turns up with that sneaky smile, giving you that shivery feeling, you....KICK THE LIVING KERAP OUT OF HIM! THROW HIM AROUND, STEVEN SEAGAL LIKE (or Neo...whichever floats yer boat), STAMP ON THE MO'FO' & HURL HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE! Oops...sorry...excessive use of caps...went off on one there, I did! :o Then pick yourself up, shoulders back, head up, big deep breath in through your nose, & exhale through your mouth...then look at yourself in the mirror, salute yourself & continue your day. Each moment Nick O'teen stalks you will become less frequent & less intense...one instant at a time...little by little, you'll get there :)

    Ooh that's just what it's like!! Or an ex who doesn't realise it's over.

    Lol I'll definitely whack the daylights out of him when he shows up next :D He won't get away with it!!

    Soon I'll be free :D Thanks!!

  • Good for you, Gemma! That's another battle that nic has picked with you and you have beaten him yet AGAIN. :D You are bound to be feeling a bit battle-worn right now, but at least he has slunk off (in a huff, no doubt), so you can continue with your re-building. It will make you even stronger going forward......you know for certain now that you CAN win these battles. :cool:

    Val

    xxx

  • Out of interest, how do you keep losing access to the forum?

    I can just log on wherever I am using my iPhone.

  • Out of interest, how do you keep losing access to the forum?

    I can just log on wherever I am using my iPhone.

    It was down yesterday, and part of this morning, other times it's that I'm too busy to log in.

  • Good for you, Gemma! That's another battle that nic has picked with you and you have beaten him yet AGAIN. :D You are bound to be feeling a bit battle-worn right now, but at least he has slunk off (in a huff, no doubt), so you can continue with your re-building. It will make you even stronger going forward......you know for certain now that you CAN win these battles. :cool:

    Val

    xxx

    Thanks hun, it was very hard, but now while i'm craving it's not as bad as the last 2 days thank flip!!

    Somehow, don't know how, I did get through and that's helpful!! xxx

  • Flaming hell, now it's kicking off again, really hope it bogs offf soon 'cos I'm so fed up with it

  • Out of interest, how do you keep losing access to the forum?

    I can just log on wherever I am using my iPhone.

    I'm having trouble too.....Internet says cannot connect to server....weird:confused:

  • It will, I promise...kick that stalker's ass into touch...deep breath...failing that, rip lots of paper up or scream into a pillow or cushion x

  • Flaming hell, now it's kicking off again, really hope it bogs offf soon 'cos I'm so fed up with it

    Huge positive vibes coming in your direction from me Gemma. Just hold on girl, like you always do, and let it flow over and past you. Like Max says, you'll soon reach those sunny meadows and this will all be a distant memory. :)

  • It will, I promise...kick that stalker's ass into touch...deep breath...failing that, rip lots of paper up or scream into a pillow or cushion x

    Thanks Sophie!!

    Think I'll nip out for a quick yell, lol x

  • Huge positive vibes coming in your direction from me Gemma. Just hold on girl, like you always do, and let it flow over and past you. Like Max says, you'll soon reach those sunny meadows and this will all be a distant memory. :)

    Thanks Skiddaw, I'm holding on but it's a flaming pain (putting it mildly)

    Soon, hopefully, it'll all calm down :D but until then it's :eek:

  • way to go Gemma, You need to stop scaring us ya know :eek:

    I'm almost jumping up and down at work here rooting for you!

    You give free reign to that stubborn streak and give nicodemon the ol' what for!

    yeah!!!! Keep it up Gemma

  • Hiya :)

    Well I've had a pretty grotty couple of days - hence my vanishing act and it felt really odd!!

    Woke up on Tuesday morning feeling a bit pooey and grumpy (ended up biting my poor dad's head off :() couldn't get on here so when the crave kicked in there was nowhere to call for help - can't bug people face to face about it!!

    Anyway it got a hold, and my positivity went AWOL, the *insert word nice girls like me :p don't use here* and I ended up massively craving a smoke.

    Like before it wasn't that I thought it would be nice, the sensible bit of me knew perfectly well it wouldn't be, and that it wouldn't be one ciggie then back on with it, but I'd be full time smoking again - that thought did keep me off them thank flip!! It was just that I got sick to death of a constant toddler throwing a wobbler in my brain :confused:

    Yesterday was worse, ended up heading off to beg a cigarette because I was desperate, and was seriously thinking about failing. Was strong enough to divert from the next office to the loo instead and had a good bawl - waterproof mascare totally isn't by the way.

    Luckily, I got a load of messages on my Yahoo (YAY for iPhones!!) saying that there was a search party out, and I got a load of support from some lovely people. <3

    So today, my quit is still on :D I haven't smoked :cool: and although I am still craving, it is nowhere near as bad as it was yesterday!!

    I suppose it's a good warning for me really, had been poleing along nicely with no major trouble or craves for ages so I guess it made me overconfident and Nic does love a good surprise attack :eek:

    So for now, it's back to "I won't smoke for the next hour" and carrying on!!

    Wow Cravings at 6 weeks still!!! I feel for you, if I had still been having cravings at 2/3 weeks I'd have given up so give yourself a pat on the back for resisting!!!!

    Good work

  • Gemma sorry to hear you're struggling again, but so glad to hear your quit is still intact.

    Each time you survive these bad patches you will come out stronger, please keep telling yourself smoking is not the answer, i promise you, you will look back and see that smoking really doesn't solve anything.

    I look back now and can see it for what it is now, you will one day, i promise.

    Netti xx

    Thanks Netti, at leas this time its a come and go crave, not a constant one!!

    Smoking isn't the answer, it's admitting defeat, and losing 2 quits on the bounce, well who knows how long it would take to quit again?

    Max warned me of that yesterday and it was a really scary thought :eek:

    Am looking forward to the time when I don't crave and don't feel like this 'cos it's not nice!! xx

  • Wow Cravings at 6 weeks still!!! I feel for you, if I had still been having cravings at 2/3 weeks I'd have given up so give yourself a pat on the back for resisting!!!!

    Good work

    Thanks Paul, it's a pain 'cos I was free for ages, then it came back :eek: am probably not typical but it was a bolt from the blue!!

    way to go Gemma, You need to stop scaring us ya know :eek:

    I'm almost jumping up and down at work here rooting for you!

    You give free reign to that stubborn streak and give nicodemon the ol' what for!

    yeah!!!! Keep it up Gemma

    Sorry!!

    Aww and thanks, I can be flipping stubborn when I want to :D

  • It's enough to make you despair....these craves can come like a bolt from the blue. But you have to know that you will come through them. You've come through a biggie over the past two days, Gemma.........you can get through this one. Honestly, you can.

    You can and you will get through this, Gemma. You have already proved that you can do it.

    Val

    xxx

  • Oh, I'm a bit late with the support. :rolleyes:

    Are you OK now, Gemma? Are you treating yourself well by having lots of nice treats? Have a bottle of wine or box of chocolates or something this evening....it'll give you something nice to look forward to. :)

    Val

    xxx

  • It's enough to make you despair....these craves can come like a bolt from the blue. But you have to know that you will come through them. You've come through a biggie over the past two days, Gemma.........you can get through this one. Honestly, you can.

    You can and you will get through this, Gemma. You have already proved that you can do it.

    Val

    xxx

    It really is!! But I do know it won't always be like this thank goodness!!

    Am looking forward to the time where the craves are all gone!!

    xxx

  • Oh, I'm a bit late with the support. :rolleyes:

    Are you OK now, Gemma? Are you treating yourself well by having lots of nice treats? Have a bottle of wine or box of chocolates or something this evening....it'll give you something nice to look forward to. :)

    Val

    xxx

    Oooh no you're fine hun!!

    Am better than i was thanks but they're still coming and going - it's a total difference to when I ws breezing through but I guess that's quitting for you :eek:

    Am going to think of something nice for my tea and some choccie, that'll be nice:D xxx

  • Smoking isn't the answer, it's admitting defeat, and losing 2 quits on the bounce, well who knows how long it would take to quit again?

    Each quit gets harder cos you know how tough it's going to be :eek: This is my 5th & it had better be my final one...I really don't think I could bear to go through all that anger & despair another time :( I just keep remembering how much of a prize nasty pain in the arze I was...I'll have to try & find some of the posts as I expect they'll make me seriously cringe & want to curl up in a corner with my blanky over my face!!! xxx

  • Here you go, Gemma...here's one of them:

    forum.nosmokingday.org.uk/s...

    & another:

    forum.nosmokingday.org.uk/s...

    & this is an old one from 2011 from my 4th quit:

    forum.nosmokingday.org.uk/s...

    What a right mardy biatch I am when I first quit, lol

  • Each quit gets harder cos you know how tough it's going to be :eek: This is my 5th & it had better be my final one...I really don't think I could bear to go through all that anger & despair another time :( I just keep remembering how much of a prize nasty pain in the arze I was...I'll have to try & find some of the posts as I expect they'll make me seriously cringe & want to curl up in a corner with my blanky over my face!!! xxx

    Oooh that's true, and you dread it that bit more, and build it up more - not fun!!

    Am sure this is your last one :) and it needs to be mine too 'cos I don't want to go through this again!!

    It's not a good feeling thinking that a bit of shreded leaf has so much power over us, but we'll win!!

    Lol, I'm sure you weren't that bad!! xxx

  • Oh it is just ****ing pooh sometimes isn't it :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Well done :):):):):)

    J x :)

    Yeah it is, but I've nearly got through another day YAY!!

    *plans a treat for her tea*

    xx

  • Gemma so good to see you feeling happier x x

    Thanks Karri, I'm getting there :) x

  • Glad all is well Gemma.

    I've always enjoyed reading your posts for their humour and positivity through thick and thin.

    Keep going Gemma, you can do it. x

  • Gemma, life is just flipping rubbish some times, and we all need just a little bit of me time for what ever reason.

    I love reading all your post,s and your honesty is to be admired, hoping you are feeling back on track, bur just some times we don't want to be positive or brave, or anything! We just need a little time to our self.

    I do hope you are at least feeling slightly better, and if not have what I call a selfie day, do exactly what you want, when you want. Cornflakes for tea, cream bun for breakfast etc what ever lifts your feelings

    Keep posting my lovely :)

  • Hang in there Gemma!!! I really hope things look up for you soon!!

    Lots of hugs coming your way!

    Sarah

    &#128513;

  • Glad all is well Gemma.

    I've always enjoyed reading your posts for their humour and positivity through thick and thin.

    Keep going Gemma, you can do it. x

    Aww thanks Linda!!

    I hope I'll be back to my bouncy self ASAP :D

    x

    Gemma, life is just flipping rubbish some times, and we all need just a little bit of me time for what ever reason.

    I love reading all your post,s and your honesty is to be admired, hoping you are feeling back on track, bur just some times we don't want to be positive or brave, or anything! We just need a little time to our self.

    I do hope you are at least feeling slightly better, and if not have what I call a selfie day, do exactly what you want, when you want. Cornflakes for tea, cream bun for breakfast etc what ever lifts your feelings

    Keep posting my lovely :)

    Oooh you're so right!!

    Am in the plodding mode at the mo, not looking too far ahead yet 'cos it's tough :eek:

    I'm being as nice to myself as poss, and eating a load of rubbish too but it's tasty rubbish!!

  • Hang in there Gemma!!! I really hope things look up for you soon!!

    Lots of hugs coming your way!

    Sarah

    &#128513;

    Aww thanks Sarah (((hugs)))

    Hoepfully they will!!

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