Blown it have to confess :(

Hi all

I've been absent for a reason.....

Got to day 203 and couldn't stand the battle in my head anymore !

So I bought 10 then panicked and waited 4 hours and then lit one and I couldn't even smoke it, it burnt my throat and lungs so bad.

Then I got depressed because now I'm thinking I can't even smoke now if I wanted to ! So had another go ! That packet lasted 7 days and today I've bought another 10 and smoked 5 !

So I'm completely done in now :(

I hate it but so relieved of the constant craves that was driving me insane.

I've become a secret smoker but now I've confessed I know I am not going to smoke no more. I STINK AND MY THROAT HURTS ! Gums are sore where I've brushed them so much grrrr....

Can't get the stench out of my nostrils it is horrid !

So....back to day one ! it's weird you know because I wanted to post and confess when Kyle was on here..we more or less had out 6 month plus quits together.

My heart went out to him it really did. So

NOW THIS QUIT IS MY DECISION AND NOT MY PARTNER... and I shall do it again :(

xx

17 Replies

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  • Oh Woo, I am so sorry!!

    (((BIG HUG)))

    Know exactly how you feel, it nearly drives you insane but well done for getting back on the wagon. :) Shows you've got a lot of strength, wish I had that!!

    Don't beat yourself up, you know you can do it!!

    This time you know what to expect, and you haven't smoked much so the physical addiction part should be easier than before :)

    xxx

  • Hi Karri and Gemma :)

    Oh God my lungs and throat feel so bad. I won't forget this in a hurry :mad:

    What makes me so mad is that first puff hurt like hell I couldn't believe how much it stung ! My clean throat gums polluted so much just after 13 fags that it doesn't hurt no more. My heart rate nearly doubled ! Walking up the stairs and feeling so out of breath.

    But I tell you I WAS going insane. In the end there was not a moment where I just could not stop thinking about fags.

    How I get round that this time God knows, but I really hope it's not too long before I feel better again. Because I feel so ill with nicotine.

    x

  • Hi Karri and Gemma :)

    Oh God my lungs and throat feel so bad. I won't forget this in a hurry :mad:

    What makes me so mad is that first puff hurt like hell I couldn't believe how much it stung ! My clean throat gums polluted so much just after 13 fags that it doesn't hurt no more. My heart rate nearly doubled ! Walking up the stairs and feeling so out of breath.

    But I tell you I WAS going insane. In the end there was not a moment where I just could not stop thinking about fags.

    How I get round that this time God knows, but I really hope it's not too long before I feel better again. Because I feel so ill with nicotine.

    x

    Aww poor you!!

    I'm glad you had such a bad reaction to the fags hun, it has spurred you on to pick up your quit again which is a major plus :)

    Wish I had that - got a tight chest, scratchy throat and cough for a week and that was it :/

    A big bad reaction would have squished it!!

    Believe me I know what that feeling's like, had it for the 2 months before I caved and it really takes over :(

    But, you've got the willpower and strength to dust yourself down and quit again which is flipping fantastic. You deserve a big hug and pat on the back for that!!

    xxx

  • Gemma,

    Thank you hunni but I am concerned about you...hope you are ok, you don't have to explain all again I will find all your old posts. But so glad you still around.

    xxxx

  • Gemma,

    Thank you hunni but I am concerned about you...hope you are ok, you don't have to explain all again I will find all your old posts. But so glad you still around.

    xxxx

    Ooh sorry!!

    Don't worry about me hun, I'll be OK.

    Am hanging around hoping to get some inspiration to quit again and hopefully to stop people making the same mistakes I did :eek:

    xxx

  • Glad to hear that Gemma. Read some of your posts. Good Luck xx

  • Glad to hear that Gemma. Read some of your posts. Good Luck xx

    Thanks :)

    Ooh I like your new avatar!!

    xx

  • Woo's avatar has been like that for weeks Gemma.;) hasn't it?

    Has it? :o I thought she had a different one before!!

    *Points to her bio* It's true :p

    Gemma you don't have the same effect of revulsion when you light up cos of that damned ECig which kept both the hand mouth action thing,plus the nicotine hit,going well past their sell by date.:rolleyes:

    That's probably it Max :(

  • Sad to hear your news Woo, it might be a blessing long-term now, as you've discovered by your own admission that cigarettes don't help so maybe you won't see them as the solution next time.....

    You know what to do, what's involved, please stick with us, this forum would be poorer without you and your usual positivity ;)

  • Aww thanks Steve what a lovely comment....I plan to stick this time, still want to do my running !

    So far so good, trouble is - I know what's coming !?!?!? But, hopefully will only suffer a light version of my day 1.

    Gutted really because tomorrow would have been my official 7 months :mad:

    I know I can do this...it's all about the most powerful thing in our bodies - that mass of Grey Matter that sits inside our head lol :)

    x

  • Actually, Gemma, I did change avatar back to my original, as I changed it to a fairy for a while......

    Max,

    Oh Blimey, I caved, but it's just not worth it ! ITS NOT WORTH IT AT ALL.

    I've learnt by my mistake all 2 packets of them...so

    not going to look back..NOT NOT NOT GONNA CRY TOMORROW FOR GIVING NIC MY 7 MONTHS OF FREEDOM ! NOT NOT NOT grrrrrrrrr.....

    Today has been very productive, cleaned windows, picked up endless leaves from 3 oak trees that overhang the garden and cut back some dogwood and then cleaned out all food cupboards ready for the hoards of extra food that's going to fill it :)

    I just want that "clean" feeling back...I loved that I did :(

    xx

  • Actually, Gemma, I did change avatar back to my original, as I changed it to a fairy for a while......

    *pokes her tongue out at Max*

    I just want that "clean" feeling back...I loved that I did :(

    xx

    Oh I know what you mean!!

    Turned my head round fast today and caught a whiff of my hair :( know it doesn't cover up the smell altogether but had to give myself a squirt of body spray :/

    I'm sure you'll do it this time hun - and think of how free you'll feel!!

    xxx

  • Oh no quit buddy I'm so sorry to hear this!!!! Don't beat yourself up about it. You know you can do it!!! I'm thinking of you and rooting for you woo!

    Sarah xx

  • I just want that "clean" feeling back...I loved that I did :(

    xx

    That is such a good way of describing it Woo, if anyone ever made one of those bottle brushes that could give your lungs a good old rubadub from the inside I'd buy one for sure :D or rinse them out with a hosepipe or something!

    You seem in a much better frame of mind than earlier today when I saw your posts and spat my tea out with surprise, I'm so glad! I'm sure that you'll make it stick and be back in the old non-smoking mindset in no time. X :)

  • That is such a good way of describing it Woo, if anyone ever made one of those bottle brushes that could give your lungs a good old rubadub from the inside I'd buy one for sure :D or rinse them out with a hosepipe or something!

    They do that in the USA, it's supposed to get most of the tar out.

  • Kat (hugs) back

    Hi Sarah, nice to be amongst my quit buddies once more.

    :) Xx

  • Jenny.

    Hi, sure we will bump into each other a lot lol.. Hope you are doing ok and have done better than me.

    :)

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