Hi, how are you?
It's been a while, no? Yep, 86 days, 14 hours and 13 minutes, to be exact, thanks for asking.
Me? I'm good. Really good. Remember that cough you gave me? Gone. That shortness of breath? Gone. That smell you left all over my clothes, my furniture, my car, and me? Gone.
Do I still think of you? Of course, silly! You can't have a relationship that lasted as long as ours did, and not think of the other for quite a while afterwards.
Yes, I think of you. I remember that time you burnt a hole in my new Christmas sweater. I remember how you made me smoke in the shower. I remember picking butts out of a public ashtray during a blown quit when I was too ashamed and tried to keep my habit private.
So yes, I think of you.
Funny, thought, as I think about it. I can't remember very much positive about you. Sorry to be blunt, but really - you were a fraud. You told me you'd help me feel more calm, but you also told me you'd help me kick it up a notch. You told me I'd be more relaxed with you, but instead, I was more anxious every moment you weren't around.
You never, ever told me that because of you, I'd be up in the middle of the night, pulling on a sweatshirt and sweatpants so I could go to the convenience store at 3 a.m. to buy more cigarettes. Yep - been there, done that.
Anyway, I'm fine now. I'm doing just fine without you - even though you told me I could never leave you behind. You told me I'd never get over you - but I have, and I did.
I suppose I should tell you I have a new friend now - called Healthy Living. With HL, I can breathe. I can climb steps. I can smell good. I can save money. I can hang with any friends I want - they never, ever turn up their noses at HL.
In fact, Healthy Living is everything you never were, Cigarette.
So I guess that's about it. You can take your lies, your false promises, your ridiculous claims somewhere else and try to be someone else's friend. You never really were mine - you just had me fooled for far too long.
Buh bye, Cigarette!