Walking home from work this evening and I was ready to launch into a major post when I got home which would document just how crappy this quit has become in recent days.
However, I'm home and I'm calm and it all doesn't seem quite so bad. I'll be 50 days into my quit come Sundee morn, I could have a cig right now if I really wanted one (the wife's are in her bag) but Ive looked at them and I'm not really bothered.
What it comes down to is this. I'm tired. And, therefore, vulnerable. Now that I've recognised that, my head is clear.
I had a big bust up with the wife this week over smoking. It went something like this...
Do you want me to give up?
Of course I do
But I enjoy it
So, give up when you are good and ready
But you want me to
Yes, but there's no point in you giving up for me - it's got to be for you
But, I'm smoking out the back door now even in the rain so I'm not enjoying it so, what's the point?
It's your call, hon but, if you quit, it has to be for you, not me...
Now, the wife's quit could begin tomorrow, maybe Saturday but it doesn't matter. I really don't think that she is in the right place. I think that she feels "badgered" by me in some way to quit (which I haven't). I've made a point saying that if you wanna smoke, you smoke. I've got to get through these triggers one way or another so Mrs Pappy's smoking has not really been an issue.
I just think that her head's not in the right place and she will feel resentful. And this is a wonderful woman who gave up for five years until I succumbed in a previous quit whilst on hols and she said "what the hell, why not?"
Any advice, my good friends?
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Good advice! There must be something about the 50-60 day range and the rough spots. I just came off a couple of days where I could easily have just said chuck it. But like you, I realized I'm just tired. Tired from the quit, tired from work, tired of riding waves, but I made it. Today started and ended much better. That seems to be the pattern, waves of good, waves of bad......
I'm glad you recognized you were just tired Pappy. High on my list of quitting priority pieces of advice to folk would be......look after yourself. Eat well. Sleep well. Try to avoid anything you know will stress you. It is very much like recovering from an illness when you need your mum to tuck you in and cook you scotch broth. I really hope that your wife joins you.....and we all know what its like to be the one still smoking when others have stopped......but I would say at the moment you're still at the scotch broth stage. Still in the fairly early days of a difficult thing. Try not to be drawn in or to draw her in. You love her. She loves you. She'll either stop or she wont. Just focus on keeping on keeping on. Look after yourself and more importantly your own quit. For now.
I've just got into Month 3 (I'm on Day 63). Gosh, does this post all sound familiar. I've just posted that I'm surprised at how much I still think about or want a fag.
I'm also exhausted - dodgy sleep patterns, work stresses etc. But mainly, I think I'm exhausted because this stopping smoking kerfuffle makes me feel like I'm constantly on red alert!
On the positive side though, despite exhaustion and constant red alert status, none of what I'm currently going through will kill me (well, unlikely ;)), unlike the bloody fags.
So for all of us around this 2-3 month stage experiencing the same issues, questioning our decisions and wondering what the point is, remember:
Well done Pappy, awesome thought processing regarding being tired, vulnerable, and sticking with your quit, you're gonna do this, I can sense that....... and I'm pretty sure your wife can sense it and you know what, she wants it, too, for you and also herself but most likely she's scared. Maybe she's not quite ready BUT it's a start, and even if she fails, it will only motivate her more, and she'll try again, and then she'll commit and do it. You're inspiring to every smoker but also very scary to every smoker.... but every smoker secretively just wants to quit so the inspiring factor will most likely win in this case..... you seem like someone really in touch with himself and others, you will know exactly what to say to your wife. Awesome job!!!
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Giving up in the work place
