F@k this

Seriously,

all this be strong support stuff has got me to day 16, which is worse than 14, which is worse than 13... Ad nauseum...

I haven't washed/worked/had sex/been kind/liked anything non nihilistic in 16 days. I have washed but not for about 3 days. This is too much for me. I quote 'I would rather bury my Dad again than go through this'

The simple fact is that I told myself years ago that when I get cancer I will top myself. Job done.

I only really care about myself and I don't care about myself!

14 Replies

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  • Woodpile - just read your post and can't bring myself not to reply .. even though I'm only on Day 24 (and struggling too). Hopefully some wiser souls will be along soon to offer words of wisdom.

    What I'm seeing though is that in spite of feeling as low as low can be you've found the strength to post on here.

    The mind games are the pits, and that Nicodemon is a ruthless competitor. You've got the upper hand at the moment - and he doesn't like that. But do you really want to let him win?

    Maybe tomorrow will be the day he loosens his grip. Don't give up hope ....

    Thinking of you,

    Sue

  • Woodpile.....hang in there dude....

    it's a constant battle.......you're gonna get there......you gotta kick some nicodemon ass........wash go do some work.....it's hard.....but in your hands

    Thinking of you....

    Michelle

  • I agree with Karri defo terrible three's

    I dont know how much reading you have done, but here are a few sites, READ them they helped me in the early days :)

    Cravings try THIS

    How to handle withdrawl AND tons of stuff HERE

  • Yea it's a long slog. I quit for 3 years then returned. Now day 14 for me. My lungs were making gurgling sounds when I was going to sleep. A cough or 2 cleared the passage ways a bit. But I simply cant smoke, I don't even have Med Ins right now.

    I REALLY want to feel that smoke enter my lungs.

    I chew gum instead.

    Lifes a bitch and then you die! SO..... why not continue to smoke.

    Because I don't want to die a slow death and life is actually pretty amazing. We only have a little time to look at this amazing earth.

    My advise, chew gum, it keeps you busy.

    Rob 51, started when I was 19 w/ 3 year break.

    Edit/Delete Message

  • Perhaps the two people not having sex could...ah forget it that's a weird idea

    Why are you giving up? Think about that in detail.

  • Ha Ha Tropical

    Wink, Wink nudge nudge say no more!!!!

  • lol Karri...........

    :D

    who has time for a comb!!!! :)

  • Its hard..it sucks..and it WILL get easier, it's a process and you really do have to concentrate on the reason you are doing this and post as often as poss on here there is always help, with the jokes, banter, advice, friends and PRAISE<<<<<<truly goes a long way, everytime i get to a hurdle or a w/e i struggle and threaten to smoke cause its gotta be easier than this shite........then realise thats just the nicodemon chatting shite and i have no interest in being his little groupie anymore............this however will notstop me moaning on here come saturday but that is why we all here to help when needed and to have the favour returned too.

    keep up the good work

    never quit quitting

    jenni

  • Woodpile - have you thought about WHY you feel like this?

    At 2 weeks or thereabouts, it isn't because you have physical nicotene withdrawal, the nicotene is gone. It's because your psychological addiction to some dried plant and a bunch of chemicals has such a hold on you that it's totally f***ing with your head, making you depressed and miserable, making you lethargic....

    You may want to just 'live until you die' and to hell with it, but doesn't it make you SO ANGRY that this STUPID addiction has so much control over you? The life that you have: do you want to live it enslaved? Do you want to have as much fun as you can while you're on this planet and in the best health possible?

    When you feel so down, it's hard to see it for what it is, but breathing smoke in and out of your battered lungs does not make any situation - good or bad - any better.

    The longer term quitters will all tell you that if you just keep fighting through this time IT. DOES. GET. BETTER. You have to believe that and keep going. You are bigger, better, and stronger than your demons. Channel your energies and kick them into touch.

    Helen x

  • God I know exactly how you feel.

    I wanted to sleep all day, couldnt be bothered to have a shower, clean my teeth or get dressed, I just wanted to go to sleep, wake up and be a non smoker...simples!

    It is rough the first few weeks, it really is but I swear to you it gets better. I was on 30 a day at the end, more or less chain smoking and I had been having the nicotine for 37 years. I felt as though I had lost my soul mate when I stopped.

    Now, well at 53 days its easier,a lot easier in fact. I have the odd time I forget that i dont smoke and think I'll have one when Ive done so and so, then I just call myself an idiot, remind mysef that Im not smoking today and the thought goes. That thought is there oh so fleetingly.

    Maybe replace your gum with the low strenth lozenges? I have found them to be a godsend, they release their nicotine really fast so that craving doesnt get a chance to take hold, just a thought anyway :-)

    Stick at it and just say Im not smoking today as never is a long time away.

    Lillie x

  • well !!

    I have followed this thread for some days now, and understand woodpiles frustration and distress, after all it ain't easy. Please let us know how you are Woodpile and what ever the outcome - good luck.

    Jonny

  • Sory for the unavoidable delay...

    Hello folks. I'd like to start this off by thanking you all so much for your input/concern etc, it really has helped a great deal.

    Update: Day 19, no cigarettes had here. Shaved off my mountain man goatee and just been to a good friends for a much needed haircut. A smoking friend was there too, his roll up smelled lush but I didn't envy his obvious discomfort after being in the warm and dry for an hour!

    I am really starting to believe in what I'm doing now, about time. Only taken me 30 years...

    Keep strong, we can beat this x

  • Hooray!!

    So glad you're still with us x

  • I thought i was reading my life story, im so glad it happens to other people and not just me. i too was in that nihilistic shit pit recently and had a whine on here then woke up reasonably ok and quite happy to carry on with my quit, just because i can. i think its probably for the best because every day after having smoking thoughts, im glad i didnt give in. its best to revisit our reasons for wanting to quit in the first place. i was just sick of being sick of it.im becoming a nicer person less self centered and comfortable in my own skin and i dont worry about smelling dreadful like a cabbage stalk and dont get paranoid about offending people withthe smell and not listening to them cos im wanting to be elsewhere to smoke... it will pass. its weird this learning to love ourself. Yep thats what it is.

    Mash x

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