One month, but I am cheating slightly

I have, in the last month, had 3 cigarettes. One on Monday 10th and two on Wednesday 12th.

The one on Monday was in the early hours, after a very stressful shift. The worst thing was, I got through the shift. I was at home where I convinced myself I needed a ciggie, because of the stress I was caused. But I had got through it.

The next two on the Wednesday. My husband is dealing with a problem with the tax credit office. He was talking to them. I convinced myself I was annoyed and needed a ciggie to calm down. The next, was at work when I admitting to a friend what happened. Another colleague, smugly said she knew I would fail. I was hurt by the remark, and promptly proved her right.

It was here that I realised what I was doing. I wanted an excuse to break my quit. I was looking for it. I had to make a decision. I am either a smoker or a non smoker. What is it I wanted to be?

I am here. I am cheating slightly because of the 3, but I am a non smoker.

22 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I know it sounds a bit petty, but those "sneaky ones" are just the way back to a full time habit. I've been there often enough with saying "well, I did a month, but only had one slip up". Before long, the slipups become more and more frequent, before it's back to a daily habit again. The stresses are just an excuse that we all use at the end of the day

    Good luck with it this month. If you can do a whole month with only 3, you can do a month with none at all!

  • Hi - it's almost like we try to find an excuse to justify why we want one and why we're going to have one... but you don't need one.

    What I do, when i think life is just too stressful for my quit to be successful is ask myself what a non smoker would do. They don't just reach for a ciggie, do they? My mum quit 30 years ago and I know she would never, ever have another cigarette, but i remember in those early days how hard it was for her to stay stopped. I have had a few personal issues to deal with recently and I know that smoking would not have helped ease the stress, the emotion, the tension - that's the nicodemon talking. You're not quit until you are completely quit and if i can do it, so can you!

  • Hi redlady,

    I'm going to go with the 3 as 'blips', because you've now realised that they were a mistake and that you made excuses to smoke.

    But, if you have any more, I think you should consider starting again.

    The mind is a tricky thing; it could try and talk you round to smoking again, because you've allowed those three. But it might not - and I hope it doesn't :)

    Remember, you can always come and post if you are feeling stressed.

    Well done for so far and keep strong x

  • Redlady

    Im sorry but you are kidding yourself if you think you can get away with one or two here and there. I did that 6 weeks ago after at least a 6 month quit. I ruined everything and ended up back on 10 a day and sneaking around like some sort of criminal. Dont do it to yourself, take care of your quit xx:D

  • Hi Red all i can say is if i was you id call myself a smoker, only the odd one but still a smoker. im sure everyone on here was once an occasional smoker and now look at us! Its my beleif that your consumption will increase eventually. I would think very carefully about what it is your trying to achieve. as for cheating slightly ,your not , your smoking. end of.hope you dont feel offended by this but these are just my opinions and im scared for you. my mother is doing exactly the same shes quit but has one last thing at night not to mention the OTHER one first thing in the morning,

    Mash

  • It sounds to me like you've realised what you're doing and realised it's a slippery slope, and that you're now prepared to REALLY stop. So, GOOD FOR YOU. Excellent life choice! :D

    It's true, you really do have to make it all or nothing, because life will continually hand you opportunities to give in to the addiction. Life goes on and let's face it, one way or another there's always crap to deal with. But once you get past the difficult stage it really does become increasingly apparent that it IS possible to deal with all these life situations without a fag in your hand. You just have to hang tough and ride out the difficult times at the beginning. It takes strength. But like I say, it sounds to me like you're ready now.

    So, from this point on, NOPE - Not One Puff Ever! You'll feel great for it, I promise.

    Good luck!

    Helen

  • Oh dear, oh dear redlady, you do have a problem don't you????

    Well try this. I don't have a proper bed to sleep in, a single matress on a double bed. Very comfortable - not. And I have a bad back. Really helpful. I don't have the things that people take for granted, no washing machine, so no clean clothes. I am saving up to go to the launderette. I can't use my cooker as I can't afford to have it installed. Great. And yet ya know what?? I am so proud and so happy to have stopped smoking. WITHOUT CHEATING. Broke or not I am genuinely smoke free. And not only that I am learning to face my problems head on because if I can quit smoking I can do anything. So please don't tell me you are in month 1 when you have smoked 3 cigs. If I did that I would take myself straight back to Day 1 (if I made it that far) and begin again.

    And WHATEVER my probs, I am smoke free, truly and honestly, for nearly a month. And I am not gonna blow that quit before I get to that 1 month.

    Urrghh, I feel really mad now but I am NOT gonna SMOKE about it.

    Zoe

  • Ooh:o Sorry if my post was too strong, didn't mean to hurt anyone, but really, if I had smoked 3 fags I would put myself back in Day 1. Is that being a purist?? I don't know. But honestly redlady, if you keep cheating, you will end up back in full time smoking, we all run out of time and your next heartbeat just might not show up. Sorry to be harsh, but reality is harsh too if we don't take care of ourselves. And I wish you all the best of the best, so please take care.

    Zoe

  • Hi Zoe... I'm glad you came back and posted that. Not that I think you're wrong in saying that if you're smoking at all then you're not a non smoker - that's perfectly true. But by the tone of the original post I think redlady had figured that out and was ready to own up and start afresh. Better to do that, than to stay away from the forum because you don't want to admit to a slip up.

    Lots of people have confessed to small blips but not restarted their quit counts because it would be too disheartening. I think I probably would go back to day one, like you. But we each must follow our own path, and at the end of the day as long as we're striving to be smoke free then we're going the right way.

    And for what it's worth, you SHOULD be proud and happy that you're staying strong when you've got so much crap to deal with. It isn't easy, every day is an achievement.

    Keep on keeping on!

    H x

  • I have to say, I agree with Zoe.

    One of our biggest Rewards / Motivators is our "quit count", whilst it might be dis-heartening for someone who has "Slipped" to return to Day 1 (where they will once again, recieve all the support they need).

    I find it disheartning to have people post and say they have reached a certain "milestone" BUT they kinda cheated !

    Makes my (blood sweat and tears) reaching the same milestone seem pointless.

    Well thats my take on it :)

    Stay Strong

  • I'm a bit surprised by the strength of feeling here.

    Who is Redlady cheating? Only herself.

    It all sounds a bit competitive. (And maybe even a little envious?)

    If you're a 20-day smoker who goes down to 3 in a month..surely that's to be applauded. Maybe its not in the spirit of the "No" smoking forum..but give the lady a break!

  • Sorry if I offended with the use of the word envy, didn't mean to "accuse" anyone.

    Maybe envy was the wrong word...maybe it is MY word!

    To be honest (And I really really want to be a non-smoker) there is a tiny part of me that envies people to can have the odd cigarette.

    I know, I know, the odd one becomes 5, becomes 10, becomes a full on addiction.

    I have a friend who'd have a half a fag when she saw me (when I smoked!). That was probably every 3 weeks. Don't know what she got out of it.

    Kind of pointless. So what am I talking about then???...it would be pointless.

    Because as I remember for me 1 was never enough.

    I've just talked myself out of it....

    I'll shut up now. Not having a good day!!!

  • Oops sorry but I am getting cross again. I have been to hell and back with this no smoking malarky, but am getting better today. In fact I have been high as a kite all day from not smoking:D:cool: LOL forgot what I was cross about now LOL!! Karri, so nice to see you back again cos you were so warm and welcoming to me when I joined this forum. Hope you are gonna quit now cos if I can anyone can. And you only have to ask for support. TC and PM me if you want cos I will be there.

    Love,

    Zoe xx

  • Smoking DOES not relieve stress - end of story !!

    It's just an excuse we give ourselves to smoke - it the addiction to nicotine, just don't smoke. Simples x

  • Well done red for keeping quit and recognising where you fell down a bit. In a years time the 3 cigarettes you had will be irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

    I was quite saddened to see some of the replies here. The forum has always been a place for support and encouragement. So you smoked and learnt a lesson - you haven't affected anyone else's quit.

    Keep going red and congratulations for staying strong x

    Hi Karri - I am with you on this one. We are all quitting for ourselves here, and ultimately, we are not responsible for anyone else's smoking or not smoking.

    Having said that, I have seen us do far better in welcoming and supporting fairly new members to the forum than we have collectively managed to do on this occassion. I don't think it is for any of us to judge anyone else's method of quitting and taking a very hard line risks alienating not just the individual involved but also others who may be in a similar situation.

    Further proof, if needed, that quitters can have bad days as well as good days, perhaps?

  • Of course quitters can have bad days as well as good days, we all do. That is why it is so difficult. But at least we can be honest with ourselves. And if I had a cigarette tonight, which I know I will not, I would go back to Day 1 and start again from there. I am not against people 'blipping', but self-kiddology doesn't help anybody.

    Zoe

  • I understand that Zoe - but that is you, and that's fine. If I had a couple of blips, then quite frankly, I would not reset the time. Right now, if I were in that position, I would not feel particularly confident that I would get the support that I was looking for either. But if I had a couple of fags - however I decided to deal with it - how does that hurt you? Would you feel compelled to smoke just because I did? No.

    What I love about this forum most of the time is the ability of everyone to provide support. Sometimes we feel the need to confront someone if we think they are making a mistake for themselves, but then we should do it gently and sensitively. If someones approach to their own quit truly offends us, then I think the best response would be not to post our thoughts on their thread.

  • It's an emotive one, and an issue I've seen rear its head more than once since I joined this forum. The 'blip or fail' debate and the CT/NRT debate seem to be two topics which rock the boat occasionally.

    I am with the majority who believe that as long as we are genuinely striving to be smoke free - really striving - then how we get there is an entirely personal matter.

    I do understand that when you're in the agonies of withdrawal it can be aggravating to see someone else continue to smoke while saying they are quitting. But I don't think this is what was happening with redlady, she blipped, realised her mistake and is moving on.

    Redlady, if you're still reading this, keep going. You're doing the right thing!

    h

  • Sorry Mrs T, but I really can't understand how someone can say they haven't smoked for a month when they have had 3 cigarettes, how is that not smoking????

    I understand that Zoe - but that is you, and that's fine. If I had a couple of blips, then quite frankly, I would not reset the time. Right now, if I were in that position, I would not feel particularly confident that I would get the support that I was looking for either. But if I had a couple of fags - however I decided to deal with it - how does that hurt you? Would you feel compelled to smoke just because I did? No.

    No Mrs T, I wouldn't feel compelled to smoke, but it would hurt me in the sense that I would feel gutted for you, because I care. And I would empathise. So heaven forbid that either of us ends up back in Day 1 again, but if that happened, which it WON'T, of course I would give you support because I will never forget the support you have given me, which I have always appreciated. Even if you did say today that you had your doubts about me getting this far. That hurt but I don't blame you for saying it at all cos lets face it I was a chronic mess:rolleyes: But that was then and this is now. I feel priveliged to have got this far without smoking as I don't think I did it by myself. I really don't. But just one puff and back to Day 1 I go. And yes I know that that is just me.

    So now I am going back to my singing cos I was in a happier place when I was doing that. Raindrops on roses etc.

    Love,

    Zoexx

  • Think we will have to agree to differ on this. And I am really sorry if my comment hurt you - it was said in a lighthearted way, which was why I added one of those smiley face things....

    And there was me preaching sensitivity:(

  • Helen,

    I am NOT in the agonies of withdrawal, this is not what this is about. If I felt like a fag I would say so. I have always done that on here. But I do have a pet hate about self-kiddology. Don't know why, but I do.

    Zoe

  • It's okay Mrs T,

    I didn't expect me to get this far either, think I am in shock:eek: but here I am and you have been a major contributor to my success so far, and I will always be grateful to you. So thank you so much:D

    Love,

    Zoe xx

You may also like...