Hi all, hope everyones had a good weekend!
I haven't been on here much since my virtual meltdown last Friday, however I have been busy investing a lot of time and energy into sorting this quit out, and trying to work out what on earth's going wrong with my brain.
I have managed to not submit to any cravings from the nicodemon, although I feel like he tried to kill me off permanently over the weekend. I still maintain that I do not want to smoke, but the bargaining going on in my brain became unbearable. It's still trying to bargain this morning when I got dressed and my jeans were too tight, but I told it I would rather be fat (fatter!) than smoke!
I have read a couple of posts here recently where the longer term quitters have talked about the bargaining stage being the final hurdle prior to acceptance. I'm hoping that this is where I am, and that if I can keep telling my nicodemon to ffff off every time he offers me a bargain he will eventually get the message. I just need to stay strong so he doesn't catch me unawares, or offer me that one final bargain that I can't refuse.
At the end of today I have been smoke free for 4 Weeks, I'm hoping acceptance will arrive shortly, but I have learned another valuable lesson about quitting, that perhaps for me, in my quit, the "bargaining" stage has been the hardest stage by far. If I fail (just speaking theoretically) I now know I will have to get through probably 4-5 Weeks of a quit again. It's not just the first 3 Days you lose is it? In a strange way that thought is keeping me going, I don't ever want to lose another 4-5 Weeks of my life to this, I must stay strong now, I may be approaching the final hurdle to acceptance and peace
Thanks as always to all of you who continually offer your support, and I hope that by putting this down it may at some point help someone else who struggles badly at this point in their quit.