Day 28 - Post Meltdown Update

[nsd_user663_34855]

Hi all, hope everyones had a good weekend!

I haven't been on here much since my virtual meltdown last Friday, however I have been busy investing a lot of time and energy into sorting this quit out, and trying to work out what on earth's going wrong with my brain.

I have managed to not submit to any cravings from the nicodemon, although I feel like he tried to kill me off permanently over the weekend. I still maintain that I do not want to smoke, but the bargaining going on in my brain became unbearable. It's still trying to bargain this morning when I got dressed and my jeans were too tight, but I told it I would rather be fat (fatter!) than smoke!

I have read a couple of posts here recently where the longer term quitters have talked about the bargaining stage being the final hurdle prior to acceptance. I'm hoping that this is where I am, and that if I can keep telling my nicodemon to ffff off every time he offers me a bargain he will eventually get the message. I just need to stay strong so he doesn't catch me unawares, or offer me that one final bargain that I can't refuse.

At the end of today I have been smoke free for 4 Weeks, I'm hoping acceptance will arrive shortly, but I have learned another valuable lesson about quitting, that perhaps for me, in my quit, the "bargaining" stage has been the hardest stage by far. If I fail (just speaking theoretically) I now know I will have to get through probably 4-5 Weeks of a quit again. It's not just the first 3 Days you lose is it? In a strange way that thought is keeping me going, I don't ever want to lose another 4-5 Weeks of my life to this, I must stay strong now, I may be approaching the final hurdle to acceptance and peace

Thanks as always to all of you who continually offer your support, and I hope that by putting this down it may at some point help someone else who struggles badly at this point in their quit.

Pip

[nsd_user663_35096]

Pip,

I have just read your post and to be honest could have written that myself (pretty much word for word).

I'm with you here, it is without a doubt the hardest point yet.(a month yesterday)

Keep focused on the fact that you (or I) will without a shadow of a doubt be right back here at some time in the future if we cave in.

It just is not worth it, it really really really really isn't.

Keep the faith

Oliver

[nsd_user663_20978]

pip

a brilliant post u have more understanding than i did at your stage

and the way u have worded it is how it happened for me it gets to the point that u get stronger than the addiction and the bargaining

first of all u just want to except each bargain offered [but say no]

then u feel equal and u understand what all this bargaining is about [and say no much easier than before]

then finally u get stronger than the bargaining [u say no with confidence cause u can see what a ridiculous bargain u have me offered]

then comes the exceptance for me it was a real lightbulb moment

i felt like i had a massive spotlight shining down on me and it just clicked here is my freedom take it with both hands and dont let go

well done pip

[nsd_user663_34742]

Pip, your recent posts have helped me massively.

That, and watching all the smokers troop past my office to go for their lunchtime fix. Most are a lot younger than me and they all cough and smell and will eventually have to go through this too.

I hadn't thought about 'accepting' the situation until now, only about battling through it, denying myself or something (not smoking - I have not once wanted to smoke since I quit). This will definitely help. I do believe I am nearly there. Not quite, but nearly.

Thanks

[nsd_user663_34855]

Oliver & JQ it's nice to know I'm not on my own. I couldn't find many posts covering this time period and was starting to think it was just me suffering at the 4 Week stage.....I feel not quite so lonesome now

Boo, I'll keep waiting for that light to shine on me, hope it's soon

Pip

[nsd_user663_35834]

Hi Pip,

It's great to see your post today..... Well Done for not giving up !!

After reading your 'meltdown' post I must admit I thought you may slip up

Your 4 weeks in...I'm only 4 days but I can honestly relate to your post's and the nico-demon bargaining voice... just have one, go on....one fag won't do any harm when you think of all the 10s of thousands you've smoked over the years ?? I hope it means that I'm already between the bargaining and acceptance stage too..... somehow I think not :rolleyes:

Nico-Demon latest offering is : just try one, and if it taste horrible you'll know your not really missing anything ! :eek: WTF !!

To help keep me on the straight and narrow I think of a article I read on the internet that says these 'mind games' do become less and less frequent with time and if they didn't nobody would stay quit, would they ?

So stay strong and well done for winning your 'meltdown' battle

[nsd_user663_34855]

Thanks Dragon!

I am starting to think I am a "bipolar quitter"! I go from massive highs of strength and willpower, then suddenly I get an all encompassing low day that knocks me for 6. I think the nicodemon caught up with me after a period of relative calm and complacency, something I have been warned about but failed to fully understand. It kind of gets so easy at points that you almost forget.....then bang, he's back with a vengeance when you least expect it. I'm starting to get very very annoyed with Mr Nicodemon shouting "BOO" at me when I'm not expecting it. I am going to beat him severely next time.....next time I will be waiting!!! Heehee, fighting talk get me eh.

You also are doing fabulously well, you've really been positive the last few days so keep that going. It's all about strong mental attitude this quitting thing so keep up the good work

Pip

[nsd_user663_34721]

Hmm Maybe hook him (The Nicodemon) up with Zoe, she can keep him busy knitting Cats ROTFL

[nsd_user663_33441]

I saw that Gary LMAO

Hmm Maybe hook him (The Nicodemon) up with Zoe, she can keep him busy knitting Cats ROTFL

Now I have an image of a lot of little demons sitting quietly with knitting pins and wool, preferably in the car park where I left them yesterday

And they WILL leave us alone, I am not a violent person but I am quite good with a water pistol

Zoe