Well here I am, planning my fourth quit attempt. I seem to be really positive then get to month 3 or 4 and reach this mental block where I really need 'one' and I'd do anything to get that 'one' which leads to another then another until I'm on 20+ again. Then the terrible effects of smoking start to show in both health and finances:
2. Waking up in the morning and having to clear my throat/chest
3. Cold hands and feet
4. Standing out in the cold to get that fix
5. Counting down the minutes until that next fix
6. Doing a job but rushing it so I can reward myself with that next fix
7. Going to the garage late at night just to get some more
8. Having to plan my time just so I have time to buy more on the way to work
9. Going without just to be able to buy them. When I quit I didn't think I was saving anything it's not until now I realised I was
10. Stinky car ash everywhere
11. Children in the family thinking it's acceptable - my nephew who is 5 held a pen the other day and said 'look I'm having a fag'. It was upsetting, I smoke outside and not around them but they still see it.
12. Yawning and tiredness and energy drops in between fixes
13. Feeling quite sad if that makes sense
14. Just that feeling of failure
Are there any benefits of smoking?
Simply no. Might get to have a chat with my smoker mates so feel more 'part of the group' but that's it.
I done these reasons so if I hit that block, I can read this and realise how I felt.
If I gave up on everything in life so easily I would never get anywhere! Oh and my weight gain was a massive problem for me but I've not lost loads of weight since feeding the addiction again, therefore it is no magic weight loss cure.
I bet some of you who have seen me moving up and down the boards and fed up now - on minute on day 1 next on month 3 then back to day 1 again. Well you will see me back on day 1 in the next couple of days and this time it will be the last time, it will.