Grieving process

For the first time since i quit i have experienced a twinge of sadness in the last few days. Let me explain...

...i would say about 90% of my close friends and people i regularly hang out with with smoke. Therefore whenever i go out anywhere, there will be at least one or two smokers. To start with this didn't seem to bother me - i felt that my health was benefiting having quit and that was the most important thing.

However, smoking has been part of my life for 16 years, so all of my adult life. Its been there in times of great joy and times of sadness, times of struggle and times of stress. I went to an amazing outdoor gig in July this year and spent the whole day and night with a cider in one hand, fag in the other, arms aloft singing my heart out, and this is one of my most precious memories of the last few years (so much so that i now have a tattoo on my neck to remember this day!) I think what i'm getting at is i am nervous that i will miss out on these amazing times in the future. Smoking always felt like an exclusive club that i was privileged to be part of (even as i'm writing this i'm aware of how insane it sounds!). Do i therefore not get to be part of these things anymore?

I know that i will of course. I know that times will be as good (and possibly as bad) in days, months, years to come and i know i will be able to experience them better due to better health. But there is still something of a sad feeling when i think about not sitting outside in the sunshine, fag in hand. Its so hard to explain, its like loosing a friend. A friend that i used to hate when she was there, and would tell people i disliked, but i would always sneak back for a reunion. Like that boyfriend that your parents and friends warned you about, that was bad for you and wouldn't get you anywhere, but you always went back to against your better judgement. How many of those relationships ever worked out?!!

On a positive note though, i feel like i'm now a member of another exclusive, and much better club: the ex-smokers brigade! Smokers and people who have never smoked have been great to a point, but can never really understand the feelings, the thoughts and the subconscious tricks that go on through the journey to a smoke free future. So here's me raising a huge glass to each and every one of you on here, you've been amazing and i definitely couldn't have got this far without you all ;)

Has anyone else felt sad or had weird pangs like they are missing a friend, or will miss out on things in future? Or am i just on a wild ramble again?!?! :p

6 Replies

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  • Yeah i know what you mean i remember the memorys of some of my what i think was special cigarettes. Like i have certain songs that remind me of smoking on a hot summers day with plenty of beer. Or them ciggys after some energetic exercise was great;)

    When i picture it i miss them days. I even had favorite smoking buddys who i loved smoking with more than others lol.

    Lol it sounds crazy that a cigarette can make all that sound really good:eek:

    Yet maybe i miss the memory more than the cigarette:confused:

    Confusing but i do know that i really dont want to go back to nicotine slavery

    Ace xx

  • I went out tonight and turned up quite late. My mate said 'I'm just going out for a fag, but u don't like that anymore'. I thought for a sec, then told her that I did like smoking cos it's true. I felt jealous that they were all going out for a fag and I wasn't. I still enjoy the smell of fresh ciggy smoke, but hate the smell of it stale. I miss the feeling of inhaling, though no-one on here needs to tell me what I'm missing (or not as the case is). It's just that at times it's really really hard, and in the real world you don't always get the pat on the back and the support you need. YES, SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD HAVE A FAG, BUT AFTER A FEW MINUTES THAT FEELING GOES...Having friends who smoke, and being round people who have always known you as a smoker is really bloody difficult, but achievable.

    I STILL DIDN'T SMOKE THOUGH

  • Huh?!! :confused:

  • Totally. I have memories like that too. Hard not to, given that smoking was my constant companion for nearly a quarter of a century! There were 'happy fags' - but I wouldn't want to take on the whole package of addiction again for the sake of one good cigarette.

    Besides. The times would have been just as happy had we been non-smokers. And we'll forge new memories as non-smokers that are just as great.

    I do know what you mean though. It is a tough part of the process to go through.

  • I too know what you mean, however this time I feel different, simply because I know how to recognise the feeling of deprivation caused by the addiction wanting us to feed it.

    I'll try and explain, we all at sometime have said we can't smoke anymore or I won't smoke anymore, hence we have given ourselves no freedom of choice. Whereas if we simply say I do not want to smoke anymore but can choose to smoke if I want to then we still feel as though we have that freedom of choice and therefore do not feel deprived.

    If I have a crave, I go through this process

    I have a choice

    I can smoke and be a lifelong smoker and face the consequences i.e. associated health risks

    or for now I can choose not to smoke and reep the benefits of not smoking.

    Another key part is 'for now' it has helped me to think that way as I have not put too much pressure on myself by saying I'm never going to smoke again. I deal with one crave at a time, on day at a time.

    All the above is explained much better in the book by Gillian Riley I referred to in by day 4 thread. I cannot praise this book enough, it got me through a tricky first few days.

  • Completely agree Tink - i have been very careful about saying things like 'i'll never smoke again' and have just treated each craving by 'i don't want one at the moment'. In the first few weeks i went as far as thinking, 'hmmm need a fag but i'll have one after i finish this work/hoover the house/clean the bathroom' and then by the time i'm done the crave has gone and i don't need a fag at all!!

    The weird grieving feeling has eased a lot for definite, thank god!! I was beginning top feel like i'd been locked out of the clubhouse and was peeping in through the window from outside in the cold, sniffle!!:rolleyes:

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