For the first time since i quit i have experienced a twinge of sadness in the last few days. Let me explain...
...i would say about 90% of my close friends and people i regularly hang out with with smoke. Therefore whenever i go out anywhere, there will be at least one or two smokers. To start with this didn't seem to bother me - i felt that my health was benefiting having quit and that was the most important thing.
However, smoking has been part of my life for 16 years, so all of my adult life. Its been there in times of great joy and times of sadness, times of struggle and times of stress. I went to an amazing outdoor gig in July this year and spent the whole day and night with a cider in one hand, fag in the other, arms aloft singing my heart out, and this is one of my most precious memories of the last few years (so much so that i now have a tattoo on my neck to remember this day!) I think what i'm getting at is i am nervous that i will miss out on these amazing times in the future. Smoking always felt like an exclusive club that i was privileged to be part of (even as i'm writing this i'm aware of how insane it sounds!). Do i therefore not get to be part of these things anymore?
I know that i will of course. I know that times will be as good (and possibly as bad) in days, months, years to come and i know i will be able to experience them better due to better health. But there is still something of a sad feeling when i think about not sitting outside in the sunshine, fag in hand. Its so hard to explain, its like loosing a friend. A friend that i used to hate when she was there, and would tell people i disliked, but i would always sneak back for a reunion. Like that boyfriend that your parents and friends warned you about, that was bad for you and wouldn't get you anywhere, but you always went back to against your better judgement. How many of those relationships ever worked out?!!
On a positive note though, i feel like i'm now a member of another exclusive, and much better club: the ex-smokers brigade! Smokers and people who have never smoked have been great to a point, but can never really understand the feelings, the thoughts and the subconscious tricks that go on through the journey to a smoke free future. So here's me raising a huge glass to each and every one of you on here, you've been amazing and i definitely couldn't have got this far without you all
Has anyone else felt sad or had weird pangs like they are missing a friend, or will miss out on things in future? Or am i just on a wild ramble again?!?!