Help please

:(So i am on day 15, and i feel really low, i am snapping at kids and OH, i want to cry all the time and or smash something. i just don't feel like me. i have cancelled friends comin tonight, just because i want everybody to be as miserable as i am:mad:

going on holiday on wed and really don't want to go, i am worried about everything, what will i forget to pack, will we miss the flight, will the hotel be rubbish, will we all have a crap time.

i am driving kids and OH round bend, OH is now in a foul mood because everytime he tries to talk to me i just shout at him for no good reason.

i so far haven't felt any better for not smoking, i don't feel brighter, cleaner or healthier, just feel really sad, i can get through the day by just chosing not to smoke for the next 5 mins, but i don't know how much longer i can choose not to smoke when i feel so much worse now than i did 16 days ago when i was a smoker.

My OH has suggested buying some kind of nicotine replacement, he says this is better than buying fags, and i completly understand this but in my head if i am going to fail at this by taking nicotine into my body i might as well buy 20 B&H.

i really don't know how much longer i can fight this, i am really down of every single day having to fight to not do something and not feeling any better.

16 Replies

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  • Bev, It sounds like your having the 3 week yucks! Some call the terrible 3's. Everything will smooth out. Your mood will get better with a little time. It does get easier, I promise. Just stick with it. I don't know about NRT's, as I went CT. There were times when I really didn't like myself or my attitude towards others(especially my OH whom I have been married to for 41 years!) A very wise lady told me to just stop listening to others when they started to bother me. I did, and now everything is back to normal! Maybe it was just me, maybe quitting, I don't know, but I'm really glad it's over. It was all worth it. It does get better. It does get easier. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. All you have to do is set your mind to the fact that smoking does nothing for you. It doesn't solve anything only makes things worse and destroys your health. I chose health, wealth, freedom. I chose not to smoke.

  • Bev,

    I can see 2 positive options:

    1. You tough it out, realising that this is a stressy time. Heck think about it, you going on holiday soon, and your stressing over will you have a great time, will you forget to pack everything etc. Well firstly get your head wrapped around lists of stuff that must be packed, like a ticklist and get them packed, then concentrate on getting the stuff into the case bit by bit so you don't have to do it all at once.

    2. You indeed do try an NRT therapy method even if its one of the later less mg options to get you through the next week or two/3.. there is NO shame in it, none whatsoever, the only shame would be you choosing the 3rd hidden option which you know in your heart would be such a let down for you, your kids, your oh but most of all.. your mind. Just do not smoke.. thats not the answer.. not even one. You've been down that route before remember, it answers nothing that option.

    Basically no matter what Bev, do not consider a single smoke right now, it will not help, and will undo everything you've endured in the last few weeks. You are escaping from the clutches of the cig manufacturers and i know its horrible that you've hit a low and right before your holiday, but right now i'd have a calm chat with your OH and tell him that you're sorry for being snappy and that the stressing over the holiday has brought out a few moments with you.

    You'll do so much better once you are on holiday bev, relaxing.. its just this damn stress of making sure everythings sorted innit? Like moving house was for me on my first quit attempt. Well don't follow my mistake bev, i asked my uncle for a smoke while we packed some stuff in a van, i wish to this day i'd never done that as i'd been quit 6 months on that one. :/

    Choose life. You can do this Bev.. you can girl.

  • I should also add Bev, that you should be highly congratulated however tough it feels for you right now on your overall success at coming this far with cold turkey. I personally was not as strong as you and i went down the patch route but i can tell you this.. it is not the same as smoking, and i do not see it as a failure to myself or my goal by using them either.

    at the moment i'm on the 21mg patches, and soon i'll go on the 14mg... then down to i think the little 7 or 8mg ones.. after that.. totally free... what matters to me is that i come off them gradually.. and under my control.

    From my experience I saw the difference when i had no assistance as my moods got very foul, in fact when i did the 3 days CT recently i felt my moods swing really bad, and my OH (bless her) was enduring my moods but i could not upset her any more... so went back on the patches to finish the course as it had been directed, and i'll not veer off that now until its more manageable to do so.

    I respect you like you wouldn't believe Bev, you have done so much, but do consider an NRT therapy if you feel you need it, because going back to square one is simply not a cool option, it won't help, and you'd hate yourself for it. What matters is that you don't smoke.. not even 1.

    Much hugs to you.

    Jase

  • Hi Bev :D

    Sorry you feel so down just now on day 15 but you know it will pass you just have to hang on maybe do some more reading to help

    You also know that smoking won't make anything better it will make you even sadder than you are now

    As for the packing make a list of everything you absolutlely must take with you It's what I always and I only have to pack for one and is also what I did when the family lived at home at least that way you won't forget anything important

    Get hubby and the kids to help with it as with the best will in the world you can't do everything alone

    Love

    Margxxx

  • Hi Bev,

    3rd week was hell for me as well...... you're not the only one who lacked the wonderful benefits of not smoking in the beginning (I didn't feel brighter, nor cleaner) I was miserable and that was all...... It got better, much, much better..... I dragged myself through each day and when I was about to give in and give up, I got a glimpse one day of the freedom you gain when quitting..... and it was enough to keep me going, and then it got easy..... the same WILL happen for you if you just stay strong. It would so suck, if you give in now and would have to do these hard days all over again.

    Keep reading..... over time, reading can change the way you think..... you are stuck in the grieving/poor me/life was better before phase...... it is the nature of an addiction to feel that way..... with some effort and and lots of reading (to change your thought patterns), you can get yourself out and start feeling more positive about this process...... good luck, Bev!

  • Good afternoon Bev,

    sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment during the quit. You are to be congratulated for reaching day 15 CT. I am also on day 15 and like you using the CT method. Together we can make it through and be non smokers forever.

    I agree with everyone on here, if you have to it would be better to choose the patches to aid you through these tough times.

    I still think you need to educate yourself more on the myths of smoking. Its the mental battlefield that can be the toughest to conquer but it can be conquered with understanding and knowledge and reprogramming what you believe about smoking. With this you will find it alot easier I promise you.

    Stick in there and we all hope you pull through this a stronger healthier wealthier person.

    My other advice is recall your friends and get them over. You never know it may help you alot. Good friends even if they do not understand what you are going through can be there for you. Enjoy yourself you are smoke free.

    Well done on making it this far and here is to the next week taking us into week 4.

    Stick with it.

    Andy

  • Hi Bev

    I can't say any more than those who have already commented - but here's thinking of you.

    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bev)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • Thank you all

    I think there is something in this 3 thingy, There were times when I really didn't like myself or my attitude towards others this is sooo true of me at the mo, so have decided to give myself a break, 24hours of me time, chocolate, bath early bed with good book.

    Jase as usual u have some great advice, and i am realising that havin a fag or NRT will not help it will just prolong the pain.

    I did some reading Marg and i think that is what made me realise the dreaded 3's are at work in my head.

    BB thanks for the PM and it is nice to know that others struggled at the same stage and got through it.

    Manny, many wise words, i should make this the last quit, for Gods sake why would i want to do it again.

    Bellablue, thanks, the reading does help me but only upto a point, could u let me know when u saw the light, when did u feel it getting better, and please be honest, i can plan to hold out if i have a true idea of when i will start to see some benefits.

    Thanks Andy, good to have you along side. i think i am just beginning to see that it is truely a head thing now, and i have to get my head as strong as possible to deal with all the crap that is been thrown at it just now.

    Coaltyt, just sometimes a hug is all i need and that was a brilliant hug, thanks, and right back to ya.

    I wanted to reply to all of you, because all of u r helping in different ways, that is the fantastic thing about here is that although we r all aiming for the same thing, we all do it in our own way.

    Feel a bit better now, and that is all because of YOU.

  • Bev

    Just want to say hope your feeling a little better. Im sure the bubble bath and chocs will help lots. Please enjoy your hols and yes the 3s are very true for most of us.xxxxx BIG HUGS FROM ME ALSO.xxxxxx

  • No problem bev, so long as you don't mind the advice being a computer engineer who over a month ago was on 20 a day of the things we have now all given up. I'm no major expert Bev, but i know just from what i read when someone needs words that if i just spend the time to put them to screen could benefit from them alot.

    I don't expect you to follow anything i type, just perhaps take what is said on board.. can't ask for more than that. As always, i'll reply with yours and anyone to who i reply to's interests and wellbeing at heart.. if i can't do that, i simply don't post.

    I've been reading that Allen Carr easy-way to quit smoking book today too.. i was already quit strong in my conviction to my goals before, he re-inforced them.

    btw, i'll send you a Personal message in a sec, please look at it when u get a moment, i think it will be well worth the read.

    In the meantime however, i'll be offline for the rest of the night, but i am glad some or all who replied to your post helped you even if just slightly today.. the fact is.. we care.. and thats what groups like we have on here can do best.

    peace and respect.

    jase.

  • Bellablue, thanks, the reading does help me but only upto a point, could u let me know when u saw the light, when did u feel it getting better, and please be honest, i can plan to hold out if i have a true idea of when i will start to see some benefits.

    We ALL have/had that same question, Bev, when oh when does it get better ;) Everyone is different of course.... for me it was day 28..... day 27 I about threw in the towel (nice little crying and mad fit), and the next day I realized that my body was no longer screaming for a fag..... sure I still wanted one here and there but I noticed the misery had lifted..... I really think that special day can happen way sooner.... my ex quit 6 years ago and he 'enjoyed' the process (truly!!) He read Allen Carr, and believed it all so much that he flicked the switch so to speak..... for me it took longer, it didn't just take reading a book, I had a hypnosis cd to stay calm during the worst of it, and I read, posted and supported others..... after saying all the positive stuff over, and over, I started to believe it..... but it took time.

    Don't fear a life without fags..... smoking does not make life better/easier..... when you learn to REALLY understand that you have everything to gain and nothing to lose, then your quit will get very, very easy! Needing a fag every hour, smelling badly, poisoning yourself and even paying lots of money for it is what you get when you go back to smoking..... freedom and feeling good on the other hand is a few more days/weeks from now! Keep going day by day and know it gets easier!

    I'm glad you took some time for yourself! Maybe a good run/walk may also help to get some of the excess tension out! Hang in there. Big Hug!

  • Hope you are feeling better Bev... Try some supplements, Get some really strong multivits from holland and barrett (I get timed release ones called super one or someting like that) Also chromium is good because it helps balance the blood sugar, which can cause moodswings. All the moody stuff is the brains attempt to rebalance all the neurotransmitters.

    Have you read Patrick Holfords "How to quit without feeling shit?"

    I really recommend it.

  • bev

    you doing so so good i think you know yourself what you want to do for the best whats in your heart, nrt isnt so bad but i can totally understand that because youre rid of nicotine you feel that you dont want to put it back into youre body can i just say that i am on patches & I have moody times(done almost 6 weeks) especially earlier on in quit, i was snappy with the kids more then usual, snappy with my OH just felt like i had permanent PMT. If i come so far like you without nrt i personally wouldnt want to take it. The allen carr book is brilliant read as previous post suggested.

    just take 3 deep breaths, on the first breath in think of youre dilemma on on the 2nd breath think of what you want & on the 3rd breath make youre decision & stick to it(not 20 b&H Mind)

    aww love feel so sorry for you i hope everything works out & keep posting

  • There definitely seems to be something about week 3, it just doesn't feel right, I dreamt about having a smoke last night, my sleeping has been poor , a lot of cravings and you start to think "well if this is what its like - sod this". Everyone says it gets much better week 4 onwards so I am hanging in there, also I had a really good day a few days ago and if the future is anything like that it is worth waiting for.

  • Week 4 is definitely easier. Definitely. I had a horrid start on my week 3, i came closer to losing it than at any other time during my quit. If i hadn't been as stubborn as i was at the time, if i hadn't gone for a lie down on my bed at the time, I think my mood would have got the better of me.

    I toughed it out tho, and today i've just started my week 5 (month 2).. so all i can offer extra here is acknowledgement that things do get easier, and you don't focus as hard on the individual days quite as much, or at least thats been my experience. others may find it different, but thats because we are all individual.. just with the same goal.

  • Hi Jase :D

    Well done starting weeks 5 is great

    Glad to hear it's getting easier for you onwards and upwards

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxx

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