Well I succumbed to the nico demon ba****ds after 26 days (the longest I had ever gone without a fag). I feel so stupid, have smoked again for 14 days and although I kept it to about 8 a day for a few days, the demons are again in control and I am now up to about 30. Already I feel awful, my breathing is bad again, I'm coughing, and feel so weak willed.
I have still been checking in on the forum most days and seeing how well my fellow March quitters are doing and am angry that I just didnt have the will power to carry on.
I know it is just an excuse but i was just so tired of being bloody miserable all the while, and having put on a stone (my own fault as I had been like a bloody dyson - hoovering up any thing edible in sight lol). Just shows how powerful the nicotine is because as soon as I had a fag I felt like 'me' again. I know in my sane mind that this is absolutely ridiculous, but I just cannot seem to train my brain to think positively.
Was seriously thinking about changing my name and coming back on here as a new member, but then who would I be deceiving - only myself, so thats just stupid.
So here I am - trying to mentally prepare myself to start again - I have to and will do this. My best friend has booked a weekend away tomorrow for my birthday treat, lots of retail therapy and a lovely spa at the hotel (which is non smoking) so thought it an ideal time to start again. Am going to use the patches again to just get me over the first few days and take it from there.
I am so sorry to have not answered the messages that I had, especially from Moog, but was just so ashamed of acting like a damn kid!!!
Anyway, am going to try and forget about my failure and be positive about this quit. I am going to definitely only look at the posts for the period that I am currently in, as I got really demoralised last time when I was looking at posts from people who had done months and were still craving.
Sorry its a long post - but I am looking forward to being a non smoker again and will see you tomorrow.
A HUGE WELL DONE TO ALL THE MARCH QUITTERS STILL KICKING A**E
love deb x