So embarrased - Day 1 again tomorrow!!!

Hi everyone,

Well I succumbed to the nico demon ba****ds after 26 days (the longest I had ever gone without a fag). I feel so stupid, have smoked again for 14 days and although I kept it to about 8 a day for a few days, the demons are again in control and I am now up to about 30. Already I feel awful, my breathing is bad again, I'm coughing, and feel so weak willed.

I have still been checking in on the forum most days and seeing how well my fellow March quitters are doing and am angry that I just didnt have the will power to carry on.

I know it is just an excuse but i was just so tired of being bloody miserable all the while, and having put on a stone (my own fault as I had been like a bloody dyson - hoovering up any thing edible in sight lol). Just shows how powerful the nicotine is because as soon as I had a fag I felt like 'me' again. I know in my sane mind that this is absolutely ridiculous, but I just cannot seem to train my brain to think positively.

Was seriously thinking about changing my name and coming back on here as a new member, but then who would I be deceiving - only myself, so thats just stupid.

So here I am - trying to mentally prepare myself to start again - I have to and will do this. My best friend has booked a weekend away tomorrow for my birthday treat, lots of retail therapy and a lovely spa at the hotel (which is non smoking) so thought it an ideal time to start again. Am going to use the patches again to just get me over the first few days and take it from there.

I am so sorry to have not answered the messages that I had, especially from Moog, but was just so ashamed of acting like a damn kid!!!

Anyway, am going to try and forget about my failure and be positive about this quit. I am going to definitely only look at the posts for the period that I am currently in, as I got really demoralised last time when I was looking at posts from people who had done months and were still craving.

Sorry its a long post - but I am looking forward to being a non smoker again and will see you tomorrow.

A HUGE WELL DONE TO ALL THE MARCH QUITTERS STILL KICKING A**E

love deb x

26 Replies

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  • Hi Debs,

    Don't beat yourself up too much, that ain't no fun, just stay determined to quit again.

    I'm on day 27, and I'd be lying if I didn't say it's been hard, even over the last couple of days when I was hoping it would get easier too!

    But sounds like you are more determined than ever. When you fail on a quit, you learn more that will help you be succesful next time. So be strong for tomorrow.:D

    Deke

  • Oh Deb, I feel so sad for you hun xxx you did so well xxx HUGE HUG!!

    You are going to do it again though, which is better than just burying your head in the sand!! well done love x

    Just use the experience to be even stronger this time ;) You know you can do it hun xxx

  • Hi, Sorry you fell off the wagon, dust yourself off and learn from that experience and jump back on!

  • Hi debs, dont be too hard on yourself, we have all had numerous attempts and i definately feel that at any time any of us could make the wrong choice in a given circumstance.

    Each time we try, we learn something valuable, all these things help us eventually to stay quit, you will succeed, you can do it, go for it!

    tracy21:)

    oh and enjoy your pamper day with your friend, sounds like the perfect opportunity to kick start your quit!

  • Glad to see you x

    Debs, my friend

    so glad to see you back, you can and will do it again x

    I totally understand what you were going through cos we were on the same day and we both had a miserable time of it!

    But you know whats coming this time and can be prepared for that in week 3 and get through it.

    Lots of love and a big hug xxxx

    enjoy your spa day :)

  • Hi Debs

    Dont beat yourself up hun. your back trying again tomorrow and thats the main thing. We are here for you you know that.xxxxxx

  • Thank you all sooooo much for your continuing support, good to know that the support is there even when we fall. Thanks to all you good folks

    roll on tomorrow - a new beautiful day and a smoke free one x x x

  • Hi Debs

    I am so sorry you didn't succeed this time around' you'd done so well' but now you're ready to start again and that can only be good

    You will have learned from your mistakes the most important the fact that your breathing is bad and you're coughing again

    There is n o need to be ashamed as you are now ready to do that 26 days + again

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxx

  • U can do it

    Hi Debs

    Yeah its really tough, not having the best times myself some days, but know u can do it.... 26 days was very good.... U can do it this time....

    I know what u mean about seeing other peoples posts, struggling quite far on, it sort of puts u off.... So stick with the times u are in and go from there.

    Good Luck, Have total faith in you...... Kaz :cool:

  • Aaarh Debs ... sorry to hear that mate, on the bright side you sound determined to do it again, hope you do Hun, stick with it ;)

    Good Luck mate ;)

  • smokn aint nice

    :(bummer dude-it aint nice-:(

    did u c wer smokn one got u-U cant smoke one-I cant smoke one-smokn is all or nothing and u now know exactly wat "all" feels like-it feels like shi'ite!

    tomorrow's now today and this is day one-today u'll smoke th same as me-zero-

    choose to not smoke today and and succeed-good luck dude!

    not smokn's great:)

  • Debs.... don't you worry, we have all been there..... prepare yourself and get that mind/mental/positive thing straightened out and you will succeed as I firmly believe it is all in the mind..... you may have read some posts where people still craved after a long time but I tell you, I suffered big time for a good 28 days and then things got 'easy'... now into the 3rd month I hardly think of them...... maybe 10 times a day or so but only very briefly.... and yes.... I was super addicted, confirmed smoker, panic attacks when smokes were gone, etc........ I mean I was hooked. It is possible with the right mind set..... So take your time.... don't worry about fails.... you try, try again.... and maybe try again but then you succeed and you will be so glad :) Big hug to you....:)

  • I put it out there. It is now on you to use it. I dumped my guilt on you. See how easy that is.

    People do it their entire lives. Read up and study guilt and you just may improve more than smoking in your life. Smoking is a byproduct of bad decision making. If you can improve your decisions - it won't just stop at smoking.

    Take care, good luck, and may God have mercy on your soul...

    ~BillyBilly-I am not a dumping ground for anyones guilt, I do not accept it, so you can have it right back, or it sits on the floor where you dumped it, its certainly not on my back. I appreciate that you are passionate about your views, however in my long 54 years, I have learned that there is not "a one size fits all" approach to getting your message across to people - we are all unique (thank God) and we all recieve and act on information in different ways, and whilst you probably have helped lots of people, your approach does not work for all.

    Thank you for taking the time to post on my thread, all information is knowledge, but I know that I respond well to a reasoned discussion and support rather than dogmatic pressure.

    Take care, good luck and laugh, life is too short.

  • hey billy

    lol - we will agree to disagree eh!

    take care

  • startn again and gona win

    ther's lots of people quotin people's quotes about quotes wot people said so i thought i'd join th fun-

    "the first lesson in the process of quitting is to stay out of denial. You may need to go back to the first lesson"

    no no no :eek:

    the first lesson is choose not to smoke and dont smoke for th rest of ur life-if u stick wi this it doesnt matter if its ur conscious, subconscious postconscious, preconscious or new waveconscious thats in control-

    u'll do it dude so long as ur back's not broke wi all that guilt lol

  • No we don't need to agree at all really. I did what i wanted to do, just get the information in your brain... your brain will do what I think it will do... that is be successful with what i implanted into it. Those were intended harsh posts, but I want you to quit... so you need to hear it. Don't worry about agreeing with it. You don't need to. Your mind will take care of that for me. Trust me- i know what I'm doing. I know how the mind works and what it does with processed information.

    i quitJanuary11th2009

    I would like to remind you that it has been asked by Debs0596 to "agree to disagree"

    Your views are very strong and controversial and not everyone will agree with your views, please accept other members desire to not debate relentlessly and accept that individual thoughts and ideas is what makes this a forum resourceful site

    Many thanks

    Moderator 2

  • i quitJanuary11th2009

    I would like to remind you that it has been asked by Debs0596 to "agree to disagree"

    Your views are very strong and controversial and not everyone will agree with your views, please accept other members desire to not debate relentlessly and accept that individual thoughts and ideas is what makes this a forum resourceful site

    Many thanks

    Moderator 2

    That was so not necessary in my humble opinion.

    i quitJanuary11th2009 - I hope you will not stay offended and return..... I personally very much enjoyed your posts and many others will agree.

  • That was so not necessary in my humble opinion.

    i quitJanuary11th2009 - I hope you will not stay offended and return..... I personally very much enjoyed your posts and many others will agree.

    Bellablue13

    My post was due to several complaints regarding the type of posts by i quitJanuary11th2009

    and I am sure that I he would not have wanted to continue offending members as everyone here is trying to support each other to quit smoking including i quitJanuary11th2009

    Many thanks

    Moderator 2

  • Hi debs

    I fell off the wagon yesterday after feeling so strong and positive... dont worry Debs we can do this. Im with you tmr as are the rest of the crew ..

    STAY STRONG LIKE THE EBT

    EBT GIRL

    ;)

  • Bella - check this post :

    nosmokingday.org.uk/forum/s...

    .. are you still so in awe of this user?

    Personally I think these warnings are long overdue. Thanks Mod2, this place was becoming 'The World According To ..' and most unpleasant for it, in my opinion.

    Well, no.... I am no longer in awe as I never was...... I just truly don't like it when one embarrasses another...... I think a quiet email (PM) would have been just fine.... especially with the one you included..... that's child like behavior even if poster was in the wrong.... humiliating another is wrong. Sorry..... just my opinion - I am sure you disagree.

  • At the end of the day, all Billy had to do was to provide a link to the material he copied as a lot of others (including me) do - not post it here.

    I have no problem with what he posted as such - much of it I have found useful myself, but I do with the context in which it was posted. The original context of the material was very useful and not even slightly patronising or belittling - it was balanced and informative.

    He belittled and appeared to bully other quitters and made it seem like his way is the only way to quit - which is plainly wrong, both morally and factually.

    A quit is a quit.... however it is done. You win by not smoking.

    All this said, I have no problem with the guy if he chooses to come here and be helpful and support others in the spirit of the forum....

  • BB13

    Not entirely sure what you mean by this - if you mean you think I was trying to embarass you, then that certainly wasn't the intention. Had I brought this to your attention via a PM then the iquit idiot could have continued to deceive - that's why it was a public post.

    No..... I meant that Mod 2 publicly humiliated iquit guy..... I feel a private pm would have sufficed.... I guess he did bring it on himself.... just curls my toes to see him humiliated like that as I do feel he tried to help...... his ego was huge and apparently he had a great need to be acknowledged but that is not enough to embarrass the guy like that....... I did not realize he was so horrible to others but his posts were quite long and I didn't follow the threads any longer except for this one......

    PS - BB I felt you have been way too quiet these past 2 weeks!!! I knew a little drama would get you to chipper up :D:D XOXOX

  • Well done Debs for coming back

    Don't see it as a failue, its a learning experience, will help you to a more successful quit. Most people quit after 6 or more attempts so dont worry yourself. You know youre loved on here hun so keep coming back x

  • 1) I do occassionaly have a life to get on with.

    2) "iquit..." was doing my head in.

    3) In some ways, I think when you've got to a certain stage in your quit, it's time to take a back seat and let the now-three-month-quit's support the newbies, and so on ... as far as I can see, once you've quit, the next stage of reinforcing your quit is to help and support others - and when you've done that for long enough, others are doing it for you anyway (the support) and your own quit is pretty well cast in stone and doesn't need that reinforcement.

    That make sense?

    Makes sense..... although I think you were in actuality just grieving over Shabby :D

  • Quit smoking place or eastenders?

    I was wondering if this place is a quit smoking forum or eastenders? because of all the drama. I agree with bellablue13 nobody should be humiliated.

    lee

  • I was wondering if this place is a quit smoking forum or eastenders? because of all the drama. I agree with bellablue13 nobody should be humiliated.

    lee

    And no one should feel intimidated and scared to post.

    Read ALL of IQuits.... posts and you will see that they are not supportive which is what this forum is all about.

    I am glad I never read them when I first joined because I would have cleared off before getting comfy.

    I am sure IQuit will have the right to reply to the Mods if he feels he has been mistreated.

    Nog

    xxx

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