I seem to spend most of my days looking for excuses to smoke. I am so bored of this ever repeating process I go through every day, all day. Even in that last sentence I am looking for that excuse. I am bored of stopping smoking so therefore I should smoke again. Its constant. I am stressed so I should smoke, stopping is making me fatter than I already was so I should smoke so I can loose weight, I am a nasty person when I don't smoke so I should start again. The list is endless and it goes around and around in my head. I just want to turn it off
I have come so close to giving in several time and then a different thought comes into my head. I don't want to smoke. Whether that is because I am a stubbon cow and I refuse to be beaten rather than a desire not to smoke I am not sure. I know alot of it is I don't want to have to face my family again if I fail.
Sorry, I know this is a rant, I suppose I was/am hoping that if I write it down then maybe it will go away for a while.