The dark side of the moon.

[nsd_user663_2048]

A sinister title to this thread - to make you think about what's going on that we, as giving up smokers, do not sometimes realise is actually going on behind the scenes to trip us up.

You can read threads on these forums that detail quite accurately how difficult it is to give up because of cravings. People fight these cravings, but, look at how many times you read 'I slipped up', or maybe, 'I accidentally smoked'?. These are not the types of reasons we'd expect to see. You'd expect to see something along the lines of 'There I was, absolutely craving for half an hour - dreaming and wishing I could smoke, and I was adoring the thought and idea of smoking until I just couldn't bear it any longer and I had to light up a cigarette to satisfy the craving'. You don't see that. Why not?

Here are some ideas which, you might have to agree, you've noticed.

1. The 'one won't hurt'. Much chronicled and much observed. However, there's more to it than people just saying to themselves 'I can handle it'. What's actually going on is that the 'smoking brain' is giving you an excuse to smoke. Imagine that there's a little devil inside you who's only line is 'Go on - one won't hurt, but none will' and at the same time you're saying 'I don't believe that - one *will* hurt'. Let that argument rattle on all day long - all week long and sooner or later one is going to give in. It's more likely to be you rather than the devil who gives in because the devil is a parasite and thrives on your negative energy. So whilst the argument rages on, several of the 'topics' below come into play to 'support' the little devil's 'argument'. Read on to see how he gets to you.

2. 'I feel dreadful (today)'. Many many threads contain this thought - and guess who put it there in the mind. Him ^^^^^^. His idea is that if he persuades you that you feel bad it's *all because* you haven't done what he told you to. Now that you know that he's stomped his feet and done this to you - smile at him and let him get really fed up with himself. You will suddenly feel liberated and stronger having made him let go of you.

3. 'I don't feel well (ill)'. Psychosomatic illness can come about because something has changed and the craving is saying 'Well, of course you're not going to feel well - you're denying yourself something'. In actual fact, the problem develops the other way around. You subconsciously think 'I'm denying myself something - therefore I am bound to not feel well'. And hey presto - give yourself a day or two and you'll feel tired, sleepy, tummy ache, breathless.... etc'. How to get around this? Remind yourself that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Therefore if something uncomfortable develops - just push it away by thinking positive. Do not however, ignore something which does need your doctor's opinion.

4. 'Smoking is not as bad as they make out'. Ouch!! That's not what you or anybody else said when you decided to give up. If anything it was one of the prime reasons you decided to give up. It's the same old story. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Or, in this case, we soon forget how damaging the smoking was. You may even cocoon yourself in a comforting belief that you are not affected by cigarette smoke. Look - cigarette smoke doesn’t affect you (now) - so what's so bad about it? This is trickery of the worst sort. The only reason you don't (now) think smoke is so bad is because you're away from it..... go back near it and you'll reap all that bad stuff - again!!!

5. 'I was stressed - that’s why I had one'. Nothing is worse than letting him 'wind you up'. He starts by making you get irritable at little things. Then he'll make you nit pick. Then he'll wait until you're in a thoroughly bad mood :mad: before drawing somebody else into the affray who, eventually says 'You're x,y,z'. This is your opportunity to go into orbit which you do, and to get you back down you agree to smoke a cigarette. (note the use of the word 'agree'). Once you've smoked the cigarette, the little devil strokes you gently saying soothing things. He's happy. You're sad... so he's happier. Gonna let him win the next one? Instead, how about looking for something alternative to vent on when he starts to wind you up?. Here's a useful tip. Build playdough figures of the little devil and then stand him on a table and laugh at him. (Make sure he has angry horns and a red pointy tail). You can make him do exercises etc. Stand on one leg? Make him look like a tea pot? The joke's on him from now on.

6. 'I had a drink too many and couldn't stop myself'. Yeah, right. Hopefully you're reading this now when you're entirely sober. Well, maybe you're not - in which case you're gonna TOTALLY NOT like this at all. Imagine that you've really drunk your fill - you're 'topped up' to the point where one more drink will make you sick. Now imagine smoking that one cigarette that you haven't had in ages. Within 20 seconds your head will buzz. By the end of the cigarette you will be throwing up. And the next morning you will be saying 'Nooooo!!!!!!! Why did I do it???!!!!' And guess who will be sitting in the corner of your mind with a gleeful look on their face? It was he who got you drunk and he who wickedly enticed you to smoke. Next time you're out socially and you're drinking - and you get the 'urge' (from him) to join in the smoking frenzy, look at somebody's lighted cigarette, and then imagine that cigarette end inside your glass - not immersed - but just smoke wafting about in your glass. Imagine then having to take a drink from that glass with all the smoke in. Imagine then the ash being dropped in the drink - imagine having to then drink that drink. Then imagine that the cigarette was dropped in your drink. Then imagine how your vodka and tonic goes yellow. Then imagine HIM getting you to drink it - including the butt which he wanted you to hold. Hang on!!! That bit about you having to drink the cigarette wasn't his idea - but you've made it his idea, and he has only himself to thank for starting it all off. Haha!! That's another one chalked up for you against him. Never forget - smoking can make you feel really sick - just the one will do the trickery.

7. I’ve proved that I can give up - so I can go back to smoking for a bit longer and give up again when I need to'. Ahem. The time you should have given up was just before then very first cigarette you ever smoked. Staying stopped means just that. Stay stopped. There is no such thing as 'One day I'll quit for good.' just as even you would say to a youngster 'Whatever you do - don't start smoking - it's really hard to give up'. Yup. YOU would say that to a young person who has never smoked, so why's it different for you? Why are you permitted to smoke 'just a while longer' so that you can choose a day in the distant future when you'll agree (with his permission - that will never be given) to give up?. That day will be a long way away and it'll be a harder day. Insurance companies only consider you to have quit if you have not smoked anything for over a year. So, giving up for a week, a month or three months is not good enough. Forever is good. Anything less aint.

Take care.

(By the way........... he............ is a smoker....... who misses your company…….but you knew that anyway).

[nsd_user663_2026]

I dont miss his company at all, I smell sweeter and feel good about myself, I will not give in and use any of those excuses that you have posted, I did it once, never again. Stay strong everyone.

xxxx Pupalup xxxx

[nsd_user663_2052]

Full of insight , thanks meercat

[nsd_user663_2048]

I have to add a rider to this thread I started.

Sometimes - just when ya chillin - and all is ok - and you really DO NOT expect to have a 'bad day' - somin can come along and side swipe you.

Like today.

You're at home - all relaxed an sitting down with your partner.

The 'phone rings and it's that one that you really DO NOT need. It's a friend/relative/mentalist to whom you haven't got the heart to say to 'Look - just go away and leave me be ok'. Instead - you listen and get involved. You can't help sayin 'Yes, I know, It's not yor fault, but, it takes two and he wasn't at fault but she weren't right neither and she said this and they said that.....' and so it goes on. Eventually you get off the phone - which might have been tethering you.

You're sent spinnin - WOT the F**k was THAT all about???!!!!! And you end up stressed. No Fault of your own.

You sprial out the patio door - to the place u used to sit and smoke - and suddenly - BAMM - I need 'one'.

STOP!!! (Watch out - this is 'his' chance'). You say 'To heck with this - I am toatally well stressed out cos of 'x'.

This is the time to take the UPPER hand. Who's in control?. YOU are. So - use anything you normally use in the way of NRT (it'll work from the point of view as being therapeutic - if nuffin else).

MOVE away from what ever is bothering you. Make a toasty. Make a drink. Play 'You must be kiddin me' with Tele shoppin trying to sell you junk. Make up a funny story. Take time out. There are many many things u can do that are far FAR better than doing that thing u know u shouldn't.

Ok. Rant ova.

You guessed it.

I just had one of those moments. Guess wot I did?

[nsd_user663_1704]

Ahhh you are a star x x x x

You came here?! kept busy and let the moment pass??

Whatever it was if it works, it rocks

Hang tight Pete x x x x x

~Buffy x x x x

[nsd_user663_1966]

God Meercat, I got a bit stressy just reading that. I know exactly what you mean. It's probably not the cravings that wear people down in most cases. It's that trigger that just makes you snap in an instant.

I have to say that as a serial quitter and hence a serial re-starter, the times that have most tripped me up are not the stressy moments, but the laid back chilled out (oh f*ck it all) life's just too short to deny yourself moments that have tripped me up - for e.g. let's say you're sipping a G&T watching the waves lap on to a beach in Goa or chilling out under the stars at the end of a barbie or something like that and denying yourself anything seems really sensible and stupid and futile because in the moment you're wonderfully divorced tedious day to day sensible reality.

[nsd_user663_2027]

Meercat, a good insight into the nic demon.

The 'I have proved I can give up ...so I will give up later...' was one I was trying to use a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately Allyson would not buy it:eek: , 'please I'll give up New Year I said...' fortunately she would not go along with it.

We get tormetend every day by the demon, but the frequency seems to be reducing day by day. We ALL can do this

[nsd_user663_1873]

I think Dickyboy had a good point as it is some of the people who werar you down. I had 3 of those at work that wore like a bad fitting show. One is my best friend two are coworkers. 1 coworker was fired and one was moved to another shift but my best friend is still fitting wrong and I have been avoiding her phone calls. We are nurses and work in a psych nursing home. We deal with schizo and bi polar and duel diagnosed people on a daily basis. After 3 years she has been there you would think she has learned it is the disorder and the residents are not doing what it is they do just to piss her off. So...I have to hear her bitch and then she wants to call and rehash the day after work. No thanks.. I love her dearly but maybe the time has come to lighten my load you think?

Cindy

[nsd_user663_2048]

...... the times that have most tripped me up are not the stressy moments, but the laid back chilled out (oh f*ck it all) life's just too short to deny yourself moments that have tripped me up - for e.g. let's say you're sipping a G&T watching the waves lap on to a beach in Goa or chilling out under the stars at the end of a barbie or something like that and denying yourself anything seems really sensible and stupid and futile because in the moment you're wonderfully divorced tedious day to day sensible reality.

Oh Yes. That is so TRUE TRUE TRUE. There are times when I am TOTALLY relaxed and at peace - that's when it kicks in 'The things that make you feel good - 'one' of those - things.' It is very very hard then to deny yourself that same thing you used to do. A bit like your cigar man 'I feel good......'.... and nufin can touch me. A moment that tests your depths.

A very valid observation, Dicky. So what do we do about it.?.

Ok. Today - nice weather day - I was in the garden enjoying watching my children play in the pool etc. I was sitting under the parasol - glass of wine -- and? I missed 'it'. I took the NRT things and had a go at that. In the end - I ended it all by jumping in the pool. End of problem. There's not always going to be a pool available - but - I think - if you look for a distraction - there's probably something you can do as an alternative to 'it'.

Well. Even if there isn't. Then go find one. That's better than giving in to.........?

Dicky - made a 5* post - a real valid one that 'he inside us' thought was his secret trump card.