Hello - I am really struggling with this. I got a letter from a treatment provider where I was having treatment for depression - RTMS. They have discharged me from the programme as it didn't work for me. My depression score was really high due to the stress with my renal function. She basically wrote to my gp and copied me in and stated that I was in a bad place at the minute and that there was the possibility that I may end it all when I am told what has to be done - which has really upset me. So I have been discharged back into the community. I just wish I hadn't been so honest with my feelings but that is what they were at the time of the review. I have worked really hard with my insulin to get my blood sugars down to 8 and I am eating a kidney friendly diet. I have a review with my diabetic nurse on Monday and I am wondering whether to ask her to perform an interim blood test to see what my gfr levels are before I go to see the nephrologist at the end of march - like I have said before its the waiting that is killing me - I don't know what is happening because its all come at once. Do you think it is wise to ask for that interim test or should I wait. Please tell me that these dialysis procedures are not as bad as I keep reading - I suffer with insomnia as well as everything else and the walls are closing in on me now. I find all your posts very uplifting and I could really do with some good information now - tell me its not that bad - thanks
its getting hard.: Hello - I am really... - Kidney Disease
its getting hard.
OK, it's not that bad. It's normal to be scared over health issues. I don't know what to tell you about the interim test if it's bad then you will be worry more, if it's better then you will feel better. What I do know is the more you worry the worse it is on your body. Have you tried some meditation?
Let me understand something. You're in a treatment program for depression and they discharge you because you're too depressed? This doesn't sound very helpful to me. Sounds as if you will be better off seeing am individual counselor coupled with a support group.
The way I look at dialysis is that it's a life saver. Not many major medical problems have such a treatment modality that saves your life. Yes, it may be time consuming for some, but I understand its relatively painless. It offers you away to continue to live a halfway decent life
Please try to understand that you're not alone and there are a lot of us on this forum that care about you and want you to be able to adapt better to this CKD problem we all have. Think of all the thousands of people that are here and are quietly rooting for you. We're all lucky we found each other. Keep talking to us and trying to control some of your tensions. I'm sure you know stress isnt very good for your kidneys either.
Keep us posted. And, when you wake up every day thank the heavens you're lucky to have so many friends who really care. I say Anem to that. Best always...
Hello - thank you so much for your kind words. That letter was very harsh and made me feel unwanted and has drained my confidence. It is so good to know that there are kind people out there who will support me and make me feel that I am part of a very supportive community - thank you.
Its unbelievable that this program did what they did and especially how you were rejected by them. Please know It's easy to allegedly learn the techniques of therapy, but so few have the heart needed to do it well.
Hey, do you know something? Thank Goodness you are away from them and able to control your own care. As I said before, "Amen to that."
Now, go eat some salad and be appreciative for another day. Maybe add a piece of cake to celebrate.
We're always here.
Beautifully put, drmind and so true.
Odd to be discharged with depression in mid stream.
Your advice is, as always, impeccable. I agree, often finding the right individual therapist; one that fartkins is comfortable talking to and can relate to should be so helpful; with all of us here to support.
Life is the focus and making even one moment special.
This is a process, and a frightening one, but one step at a time.
Lovely post.
We do care. Please find another counselor, sometimes it’s hard to find the right one. There seem to be so many bad ones out there. I’m glad you found this site, the people on here are amazing and so supportive and caring. Sometimes it helps just to have people listen and care. You’re doing a wonderful job eating the kidney friendly diet. I know we’re all proud of you. You will be in my prayers. 🙏🏻
Agreed! Depression is common and an illness like any physical illness; only with different kind of pain. Actually harder than a physical illness. Looking into finding an individual therapist who is trained to assist with chronic health related depression and sticking with it; going even when you feel better is important.
It's frightening and you are too valuable a person to suffer.
Hi Fartikins. I agree with everyone here urging you to find your own therapist to help you through your insomnia, anxiety, and depression. One has to have the "right fit" for good things to ensue. As far as your gfr question is concerned, I personally would not seek an interim gfr reading. Instead, I would focus heavily on my blood sugars - keeping them in the normal range. And celebrate each time you've kept them stable. You have instant data at your fingertips with diabetes - the driver behind much of kidney disease. At the same time, I would continue to address my hydration and diet needs. I would want to look forward to and have a very good outcome at my next regularly scheduled appointment with my nephrologist.
Hello. I am sure this is painful for you (with the depression issue) and worry regarding the kidney problems. I am a retired nurse. My thinking in on therapy is to try again; but carefully. Most therapists come across as empathetic, kind. And when in need of their help, we often fall for anyone who APPEARS kind. Be careful. All doctors talk to each other, even thou mental health should be kept private with your therapist-- unless suicide could be an issue. God Bless you with your struggles.
Rapid decline in GFR, getting no answers. 
Its my turn to worry now
