My husband wants to die . Please help

[NNEB]

Please help! My husband had to have his transplanted kidney removed as it failed and was causing him lots of nasty infections . He’s since had two cardiac arrests and whenever he’s on dialysis his heart can’t take the pressure and he has this to deal with now . He has told me now that he wants to give up and die . I’m at my whits end and don’t know what to do . My gp is useless and counceling waiting lists are over 6 months long . 😱he’s been suffering for 5 years now and is seeing other patient friends pass away and this is affecting him badly . Is Any one else going through this with a family member ?

[Bassetmommer NKF Ambassador]

I am so sorry you and your family are going through such a difficult time. There is a sister site to this one which is more about dialysis and you might find some more help and support from others who are on dialysis.

healthunlocked.com/nkf-dial...

[NNEB in reply to Bassetmommer]

Thankyou for the advice . I will look into this .

[WinJ3]

Sorry to hear about what you and your family is going through. 🙏🏾

[Ziggydoodah]

So sorry to hear this. Im afraid I'm not experienced enough to offer advice. However i hope you get the support you need. Sending you a big hug x

[Hidden]

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Although my partner hasn’t been on dialysis or had a transplant. We have been preparing for end times ( many complex needs and situation so not fit for anything) . It takes a lot of strength to finally accept that I may have to lose a loved one (he’s in his 40’s) . I don’t know when that time will come but I’m doing my best to make each day the best I can for him. Sometimes we have to accept that death is better option and it will remove the pain he’s suffering. And of course the pain you are suffering also watching him go through this daily. Peace and prayers for you both . Be strong . Take comfort with what you believe in spiritually, we believe that death is a new chapter. One door closes another begins .

[NNEB in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for your kind words

[RoxanneKidney]

It is really hard to be a caregiver. My mom, who died of stomach cancer two years ago, said to me before she died "You don't know how I suffer". I thought I did, but when I went back and looked at pictures probably six months after she died, she was a sketelon, and becuase I was with her every day, and because I wanted her to live and give me purpose, I guess...I was honestly horrified to see those pictures. I guess if you have ever seen those pictures of the people in the Nazi concentration camps...that is how my mom looked. This is your husband's journey. You need counseling. If you belong to any religous group, maybe talk to them. Your husband is lucky to have you. My mom fought her cancer until her body just couldn't do it. She said, "This dying is easy." I'm sure she meant that it was easier than struggling to live. Peace.

[NNEB in reply to RoxanneKidney]

So sorry for your loss and for what you have been through too . Thank you for your kind words to me

[itzmich]

I am so sorry for the pain and suffering. My prayers are with you both. Perhaps reaching out to hospice or clergy would help. I think we all here have thought about this situation. It's not an easy one. My heart goes out to you both.

[NNEB in reply to itzmich]

Thanks for your advice .

[ntsgls11]

NNEB, How terrible and sad your situation is. Only your husband knows what his quality of life truly is. Of course you are suffering also. I send my love to you both. My message is to immediately get in touch with hospice. They are able to assess your husband and his needs. Hospice can provide the information and counseling you both need to make end of life decisions and also make sure that palliative comfort care is provided. It is so important to find peace out of despair at this time and to be able to spend quality, loving time together. Please call them immediately. All my love to you.

[NNEB in reply to ntsgls11]

Thankyou for this advice . I will look into this .

[Jayhawker]

These sorts of situations are always both very sad and extremely difficult. Have you or your husband talked with his nephrologist about all of this? His nephrologist should be able to get him into counseling quickly…

I was one of my dad’s in home hemodialysis partners over 30 years ago. He did not have a good experience with dialysis but pursued it at my mom’s request. It was clear to me that my dad was at peace with his health and the life he had lived. He was extremely sick with other serious medical complications. So, dialysis would keep him alive for some time but it did not provide a quality of life many of us would want.

With dialysis dad lived an additional 3.5 years. His focus throughout that time was my mom and helping her to prepare for life after he passed away.

Ten years later my mom battled colorectal cancer. As others have noted, my mom looked like a survivor of the Nazi death camps toward the end of her life. I remember her saying two things:

1. She better understood how dad felt about nit pursuing dialysis all those years before and wished she had been stronger then so she would have been able to honor his wishes

And

2. When they found more dancer and she decided she would not pursue additional treatment she looked at me and said, “This is no way to live.”

My heart goes out to you and your family. These sorts of decisions are unbelievably difficult. I am praying that you and your family will have the wisdom needed and will reach a place of peace with the journey you choose.

Jayhawker

[NNEB in reply to Jayhawker]

Thankyou for your kind words and I am so sorry for your sad loss . You have explained what I am feeling well and how maybe my husband and I can move on through this . Thankyou

[BeachLove]

I am so sorry. Your husband has suffered so much and so have you. My 58 year old brother-in-law had a heart transplant that never returned him to even a semi-normal life. He was in a hospital for 1 1/2 years, mostly on his back and on a ventilator. His kidneys failed, he was also on dialysis, and he had repeated pneumonia, infections, becoming septic, and on and on. After 1 1/2 years he told my sister he wanted to die and could not go on. It took her a few weeks to accept this. When they took him off all machines he died in 2 minutes. His suffering and hers, was immense. Now, despite her massive grief she feels relief in knowing that he is no longer suffering. Turn over every rock to find all the support and solutions that are possible. Have enduring hope. However when it is his time to eventually pass, he will know, and his suffering will end.

Take good care, you are a Godsend.

[NNEB in reply to BeachLove]

So sorry for your loss . Thankyou for your kind words to me

[Sophiebun11]

I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. If you are in the US emergency counseling is available through most county social services dept., but that may not be what your husband wants. It would really help you though. Have you joined any caregiver support groups for self-help? That will help you to be strong. You can't help others if you don't help yourself. You can find caregiver support groups at many hospitals, facebook, and other online groups. It is very hard watching a loved one lose their health. It may be harder than being the one who is ill because those of us who are ill know exactly how we feel and what we need at most times. I watched both my parents die, I am glad they don't have to witness my health decline. Please find some support for yourself through family, friends, church or anywhere that you can.

[NNEB in reply to Sophiebun11]

We are in the uk and waiting lists here for anything are extremely long . I will look into getting extra help for us though . Thank you for the advice .

[worldtravel75]

I am so very sorry - I am suggesting Hospice - they are so very good at what they do and are so compassionate.

[punitmaheshwari19]

Please join this group m.facebook.com/groups/natur...

They might be able to help. My wife is an end stage kidney patient. We are following a naturopathy treatment and have been able to improve her numbers and avoid dialysis for past 2 years. Don’t lose hope. God bless you.

[LuvSmallDogs in reply to punitmaheshwari19]

I am very interested in the naturopathy approach with my CDK, but I don't know anything about it. Could you please share some information with me concerning it?

[cyd1122]

I do not know if my help is still needed at this point in time but my Stepmom usually had this same situation while i was at nursing school and i went to minnesota and came back after some few years and i see her all strong and healthy. Well they tell me an Indian doctor named Shayna gave her some help. I will discuss that with my dad and get this doctor’s number if you wish. And also, he helped me through my bad Kidney days.