Stuck and looking for support 🌺

[Busylondoner]

Hello! So I've been slowly gaining weight over the past 2+ years - sedentary job, huge sweet tooth and keeping up with my boyfriend's junk food intake have all let me down. I'm 165cm/5ft5ish and I've gone from 67kg/11st to 80kg/12st9lb in that time. My self esteem is pretty bad and I'm a huge comfort eater - chocolate being my #1 binge item, but general carbs and sugar are what I reach for. It's a real will power and energy issue for me, I'm the kind of person who is already halfway through a biscuit before I realize I'm eating it. I've tried calorie counting (at one point successfully for 3/4 months and got down to about 10st6lbs), I've done home workouts (again 3/4 months before dropping off), I've done personal training (for 4 months - you get the picture) and I've just started slimming world - but I'm not sure I agree with their language and some of their ideas. Throughout all of this I've ultimately crashed and gained weight to now. I just feel lost and defeated at this point and not sure what to do to get to where I want to be! I'm not normally the type to reach out on a forum as I'm quite private, but I'm not really sure what else to do. My 34" waist is in the heightened risk for diabetes and I just generally feel low about myself. I'd appreciate any help/support/advice/proof that other people feel this way! Hoping that posting this also helps me a bit, it's hard to admit to the struggle. Thank you 🌺

[Tiggerr]

Welcome Busylondoner

As you say, you've already made a big step by opening up about your struggle and you'll find here that you're very much NOT on your own and we're all here to support each other. Like you too, many of the people here have tried many other ways.

An administrator will reply shortly with information on where you could start and how to get the most from this forum. All the information is well worth reading as, unlikely as it may seem, food knowledge has been moving forward.

That aside, can you spend a short amount of time each day and use the Daily Diary. In the DD you can post your coming day's menu (which is a good way of sticking to the 'straight and narrow' ), see what others are eating, pinch great ideas about what to eat plus give and receive constructive feedback.

Good luck!

[Busylondoner in reply to Tiggerr]

Thank you! I'll have a look at the DD

[moreless Administrator 7 stone]

Hi and welcome, Busylondoner

I'd like to disabuse you of the notion that being overweight is all your fault and down to a lack of willpower! The types of foods we choose can play a huge part, as they mess with our hormones, leave us feeling hungry and encourage cravings. I have a few things for you to read

well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013...

phcuk.org/wp-content/upload...

I have to agree with your gut feeling about SW. Anywhere that uses the word syn, in association with food, is not imparting a healthy attitude, plus they encourage unlimited consumption of carbs and push their own, heavily processed products, while all the time charging you! The advice and support you'll receive here will be non-judgemental, free and 24/7

Follow this link to our chat thread and a list of all the activities we run. We've found active participation to be key to success, especially with our weigh-ins and Daily Diary.

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

To make navigating the forum easier, we've put all the information you'll need in a newbie pack and here's the link

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Please take the time to read it carefully, so that you're able to enjoy everything that we have on offer.

We ask that you also read this important information about internet privacy and security.

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Wishing you all the best

[Busylondoner in reply to moreless]

Thank you so much for that! I'll have a look at all the articles. You're right, the thing I'm finding the hardest is the shame and guilt feelings and feelings of being at fault, which often knock me off my path when I'm trying to make better choices.

[moreless Administrator 7 stone in reply to Busylondoner]

Just remember, you are not a bad person, any more than the rest of us are

[Tiggerr in reply to Busylondoner]

It's similar to trying to learn anything where no one is an instant expert and will make mistakes along the way. For some reason we take all that learning on the chin but when it comes to weight loss we can be so hard on ourselves.

It's something else that has to be learnt and because we have years (if not decades) of ingrained incorrect ways of eating, it is much harder to get it right and is likely to take many attempts (I'm a good example of that

You will read many posts where people have bad days, weeks etc but one of the best feelings is admitting it, working out why and then looking for a way of preventing it from occurring again.

You can do this!

[Busylondoner in reply to Tiggerr]

This is so so so true for me! I'll be doing ok until a bad day inevitably arrives, and I end up have a big chocolate pity party for one, which often becomes 2...3....10 days and a feeling of intense shame and worthlessness. It's so lovely to hear other people say the same as it feels like noone really talks about that darker side properly in daily life so it can feel so isolating. It definitely feels like a journey instead of a race! Thank you for your message 🌺

[Tiggerr in reply to Busylondoner]

" a big chocolate pity party for one,"... this put a smile on my face... I shouldn't find it funny but I couldn't help it

[Busylondoner in reply to Tiggerr]

Much like a regular party, it doesn't matter how fun it is to start with, it's not recommended to stay till the very end - everybody is delerious and you've probably done something regretful! 🌺

[BerlinBetty Visitor in reply to moreless]

Just brilliant response and so informative. BB x

[moreless Administrator 7 stone in reply to BerlinBetty]

Thank you, BB

[Jod13 10 kg]

@busylondoner I feel like we’ve mirrored similar journeys. Im in London also, Ive put on steady amounts of weight which culminated in me developing a neurological condition when I reached 96kg (from 65kg pre-baby). Unlike you I didn’t really pay attention to the weight gain as I had a baby in the middle of it all. Similar to you I’d been busy at work, following my partners diet and then kids as well. Calorie counting and exercise have worked for me so far. The Prospect of poor long term health has really focused me. You’re really already steps ahead of me because you’ve recognised early on that you want to make changes and that’s fantastic. You’re also taking this really difficult but positive step toward action by engaging in this forum. It’s really hard work to make these changes and to keep making the change everyday. Even more difficult is getting back on track once you’ve had a bad day.

I think it boils down to motivation and finding something that keeps the focus. Why are you doing this? How do you motivate yourself to stay on track? Are there points where you routinely go off track ie. the 3 month point? Understanding your own behavioural responses can help to challenge them because you might see it coming and put strategies in place to divert yourself. For example, if you know you have a tendency to go off track at the 3 month point maybe plan something in over that time like, aim to run/walk a 5km fun run or do something else that you love that focuses you to stay on track over that difficult time.

I only joined this forum a few days ago but it’s been a huge help. So many people encouraging you and engaging in your story. Hang on in there and use this group to debrief yourself. I’ve found writing here really helps set things straight in my mind, almost by writing it I’m clarifying things for myself. If that makes sense?? Anyway, there are great people here to support you so let us know how you’re doing!

[Busylondoner in reply to Jod13]

Hi! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply with so much support - I really appreciate it. It's true isn't it, I keep looking for a magic solution but ultimately I need to calorie count and move more. It always feels so daunting! I think writing on here will help a lot like you said - even writing my first post helped clarify some of the things I was feeling. I'd love to use it as a place to share more thoughts and get more things clear in my head! Thank you again 🌺

[Jod13 10 kg in reply to Busylondoner]

Calorie counting and moving more is the answer in short (well for me it is, I'm not an expert in these things) but its also about patiently building up to it because I've found if you build up slowly, especially with the running, its actually really enjoyable. The body doesn't like huge leaps but doesn't seem to mind gentle changes. Small changes become large ones and the body seems to adapt easier. Thats my thoughts anyway. The couch to 5k app has been a godsend for me. Week 1 walking for a minute or so and then running/jogging for a minute or so all the way up to week 9 when you're running/jogging for 30 minutes straight. If it interests you, maybe join the Couch to 5k group on here if you're not already. Its a fab group!

[Busylondoner in reply to Jod13]

So true, I've set myself some fitness goals this year in an attempt to just integrate more movement in my life - my first challenge has been learning to swim, which I'm proud to say is well underway once a week and I can now get a few metres unassisted! I think what I've realised is that I've never enjoyed solo activities, I'm always much happier with a group/social aspect to my moving. Currently looking into dance and yoga classes and trying to drag my boyfriend out on the weekends for walks. I might have a nosy around and see if there are any other fitness groups I can have a read of!

[Jod13 10 kg in reply to Busylondoner]

Thats an excellent idea. I only learned to swim when I was pregnant with my second child. I was living in Sydney at the time and as a Brit I hadn't really prioritised the ability to swim. I've managed to learn to float and get myself ungracefully from one end of the pool to another but Michael Phelps has nothing to worry about, thats for sure! Swimming is a great way to spend your activity, I understand its a very well rounded form of exercise that reaches all the muscles in the body. Good for toning! I found aqua aerobics good when i was starting out too. Good luck and really looking forward to hearing how you're getting on!

[RG07 Host Maintainer]

Hell and welcome to the forum- its a very supportive group since everyone has been and still facing their food/drink demons- me its crisps! What I do is try not to buy them in the first place and if I do have them as part of my meal plan for the week- I buy them on the day I plan to have them, but usually plan when I am doing a big shop and have a packet at the café before I start my shop. Doesn't always work- I used to avoid the crisp aisle but now they have crisps all over the place especially on the way to the check out now so I must admit I am giving in more often lately but I will keep trying to persevere. But for me the main point is not to have them in the house in the first place.

I find calorie counting works for me- I still do it even though I am now a maintainer- I have tried portion control but I put on weight- though probably didn't help that I was away staying with family had family staying with me and we were out a lot so had varying degrees of control. There are different ways of loosing weight= low carb high fat seems very popular here and people have found it better than calorie counting. The important thing is that this will be life long habit and its finding something that works for you,

[Busylondoner in reply to RG07]

Thank you so much! Will reply properly later when work is done!

[BerlinBetty Visitor]

Dear Busylondoner . I so identify with this history, Darling, I really do and I want to take time later to answer this properly. Modern life and stress doesn't help us at all, does it?

Will be back to you to add by small pennyworth to other wisdoms but pecker up, as they used to say, you are SO NOT ALONE with this challenge.

love Betty

[Jod13 10 kg in reply to BerlinBetty]

Oh Betty, you're a treasure. What a lovely message!

[BerlinBetty Visitor in reply to Jod13]

xx

[Busylondoner in reply to BerlinBetty]

Thank you so much! I will also reply properly later! Haha wading through the work day!

[BerlinBetty Visitor]

Good Evening, Busylondoner!

I do hope that you've had a good day and are heartened by all the smashing responses you've had over the last few hours. I just have to start by quoting Jod13 with one of the wisest observations I've seen in print in a long while, and that's saying something, considering the Font of Wisdom that HU produces:

'The body doesn't like huge leaps but doesn't seem to mind gentle changes.'

This is SO true as far as I'm concerned but it's not widely advertised as True Wisdom because the dieting industry is predicated on the dangerous and largely ineffectual idea that we should put our bods through cataclysmic changes in the form of crash diets.

There are no easy or quick solutions here if you want the changes to be permanent, so while taking all the fantastic advice above re calorie-monitoring and low impact, high aerobic exercise like swimming - all Great! - Auld Betty is going to make a few Late Afternoon Observations...

Like you, I had a sedentary job, though some of my choices were more sedentary than they needed to have been. I was a lazy blighter and did my teaching sitting down, for instance, when I should have Got Off The Royal Bum and pranced about a bit. Are there some work commitments which could give you a more active opportunity?

Increased admin and policy-thrusting (arghghghgh!!!!****) seemed to require untold hours slumped over a hot computer for many of us. Ten years of hours a day of this produced in me an unattractive mélange of the following:

Neck ache, back pains, an atrophied lower spine (still working on that) and what I can only call Computer Custard Core Syndrome. Such core muscles as I had after children as a young woman loosened up, snoozed off to sleep, stretched and bulged. The young woman who had a waist and a flattish stomach grew into an embarrassed middle-aged melted candle who wore smocky tops and dresses, and who enjoyed indigestion, flatulence (perish the thought!) and a Severe Dislike of Looking in the Mirror.

Are your core muscles in a lousy state? This won't help your shape, your digestion, or your dress size. Find a good Pilates class and a fun pal to go with. This is not a magic bullet; it will take weeks of classes before you start to feel the benefit, but you are bound to be decades younger than I, so if you persist, you should find enormous benefits in your shape, your well-being and your strength. If you sit a lot at work, try taking a big Pilates ball to sit on while you type; you can't easily slouch on one of those! Who knows? You might begin a trend...

Now this is a Sticky One but Auld Betty is going to Launch In, As Is Her Wont.

The Aforementioned Boyfriend.

Now I'm sure he's a Splendid Swain, a Real Manly Surgical Support to You, a Matinée Idol Extraordinaire, a Sophisticated Chap About Town, and a Spiffing Help in the Kitchen...

If he's not all or any of these things, He Needs to Hove To and begin to help you in your concerns, not sit there on the sofa like yesterday's old baked potato, quaffing sugary drinks and gobbling down quantities of unhappy concentration-camp chicken from a bucket softened by grease.

Sorry, but the chap needs to Pull Up His Socks, and That Right Soon, and either:

Join you in this Epic Journey towards Health and Fitness by adapting his diet and exercise regime in tandem with you...

OR

He must appreciate that you need to watch him Hoovering Chips Down the Gizzard like a Hole in the Head and take himself off to eat his Cholesterol Bombs elsewhere.

I'm sure he's a Lovely Lad, and if he loves you as he should, he needs to appreciate that a little support and help would go a long way towards getting himself an even lovelier, and perhaps happier partner whom he will be Blardy Lucky to have, as he is now.

My love to you. Hang on in there with us. We are all gunning for you.

love Betty xx

[Busylondoner in reply to BerlinBetty]

Good evening! Thank you so much for your reply, it's been so lovely the messages and responsiveness I've received today, many thanks to everyone who has reached out!

I definitely agree with your statement of adding in movement where possible, I've been trying to make part of my commute to work a walk, I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity to walk through Hyde Park in the mornings if I muscle up and actually do it as opposed to hopping on the bus. A Pilates class sounds excellent - I did it at home for a period of time a few years ago and felt great!

Haha he is a lovely boy indeed, and actually is trying to get his food-act together as we both slip into our mid twenties and the metabolisms aren't quite as high functioning as they were at 18. I definitely said a huge 'amen!' at your suggestion that he moves his junk food out from under my nose haha! We probably need to work out an agreement for frequency of indulgences (our big one is pizza) and how we can tackle days when I don't want to be confronted by the cruel and mind consuming smell of a big cheesy pie.

Thank you for the giggles provided in your message and the time you took to reply 🌺 it definitely makes me want to commit more!

[BerlinBetty Visitor in reply to Busylondoner]

Hyde Park - how lovely - you lucky girl! Enjoy. BB x

[Jod13 10 kg in reply to BerlinBetty]

Hahaha Betty, I loved reading this! Completely agree!