Hello all, I am just looking for a bit of advice please. I am such an emotional eater and also always eat when I am tired. I am always tired and am really depressed. Hence my eating is just awful and instead of losing I am constantly gaining. I just cannot find anything to stop my constant eating. I know it is making things worse and it is a viscious circle but I still cannot stop. My health and marriage are both really suffering. Thank you for your thoughts.
No progress and so depressed - Weight Loss Support
No progress and so depressed
49 Replies
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BridgeGirlAdministrator2 stone
I suggest you come here frequently, read and reply to posts, become a member of a weekly weigh in team and use the Daily Diary, then you can get help and support.
I'd also suggest you go back to the links moreless gave you when you joined as they may help you find a new approach. Here they are again
phcuk.org/wp-content/upload...
in reply to BridgeGirl
Sorry, I did reply to say thank you but I always hit return thinking it sends, rather than the reply button!
You're welcome 
I hope we'll see you around and joining in with chats and events
Hi Oolong - my journey with weight loss and 'emotional eating' has benefited from a couple of significant shifts in thinking. The most important of these is recognising that I choose what I eat, and I choose what I tell myself about what I eat. Yes - there may be some long embedded habits and beliefs - but I am 100% responsible for those and I can change those. There was a time when I would tell myself that because I'd had a traumatic childhood I had a psychological sub-conscious drive for chocolate and other junk that I 'couldn't control'. And because that's what I was telling myself - that's what I believed and that's how I existed. For years. I was very attached to being an 'emotional eater' - and until I let go of that label and started to question my beliefs - I couldn't shift. Byron Katie is worth a google. Her question: 'Who would we be without our story?' has helped me to let go of bad beliefs and habits and to start looking after myself. Every mouthful we eat is a choice. And I'm getting better at making sure that I'm eating to support my health and well-being. Eating rubbish makes you feel rubbish. It's a vicious cycle. I recognise where you're coming from. But you have a choice Oolong. This is a new day, a fresh start, an opportunity to change. You've got this. I hope this is helpful - good luck to you. Keep us posted on how you're getting on?
i second this. Telling myself a story that doesn't serve me, that doesn't help me now or in the future, was no longer in my interests.
It's powerful stuff isn't it? Thanks for commenting 😊
Well said rachelleigh73 we all need help along the way but in the end its up to us
Hi jennilou - this forum is great for sign-posting the things that have helped others. I love it so much - I've learnt such a lot. Not least that we each have to take personal responsibility for what we are doing in the here and now. The past needs to stay there. I'm either taking care of myself today or I'm not. I still make my mistakes but I'm in a much better place and heading in the right direction. Thanks for commenting - and good luck to you on your journey... 😊
Thanks for your comment rachelleigh73 there are many things still to learn I agree and for me one of them is the past has to stay there. Great advice
in reply to rachelleigh73
Wow, that is so insightful - thank you so much - I am going to take notes to remind me when I am in trouble (ie every day!)
IndigoBlue61 in reply to
A journal is a great idea 😊. I keep a notebook with food plans in the front and inspirational quotes, comments about my mood, calories, meal suggestions, Non Scale Victories etc in the back. Photos would also be a good idea
Lovely reply rachelleigh73 😊. I agree completely and am on the same journey making positive choices
As an emotional eater I had to recognise that I could no longer eat recreationally. I had to put food aside as my hobby and instead find something else. It's hit and miss, a journey of trying things, but that's not to say I went out and tried knitting or whatever. Instead I tried to identify what I really wanted - no more stress? A break? What did I think eating the food would give me? - and then try to satisfy that root need another way. It's worth keeping a journal to track feelings and try to identify or label them, and to treat this as in the spirit of discovery and adventure. Failing is okay - failing to learn from it is not okay
Well said Rhosyn2 I think the last part is important we have to accept if we fail at the time but learn from it and keep moving forward
I was eating for every reason under the sun - if I was bored, depressed, felt like celebrating - anything - food was my 'go to' thing - it was a crutch and a substitute in all kinds of ways. I like your journal idea - and your last line is spot on. We all make mistakes - they are definitely how we learn and grow ...
in reply to Rhosyn2
Great ideas and again I am going to take notes. Thank you
jennilouRestart Jan 2024
Hi Oolong there is a lot of support here as you have already seen and I agree with everyone. Come here as often as you can and read other posts, join a weigh day, (this helps me so much as I feel a responsiblity to myself and to everyone there to really try). Look at other things to do to distract you, cut up some carrots and celery sticks to grab when you have the urge. It takes time to change bad habits but you can change them. Whatever happened yesterday was yesterday and today is a brand new day to keep moving forward. Wishing all the best
in reply to jennilou
A new day - so right thank you.
Whatever amount you allow yourself to let go of is progress.
Forget about you must lose. This ‘must lose’ thinking is putting too much stress on your will power (we have finite amounts!). Instead, shift your thinking a little. Cold turkey on anything is cruel. Be self-kind.
Self-kind looks like this. ‘I’ll eat that but I’ll leave one piece (no matter how small it is, I’ll leave that piece).
When you do it. Tell yourself you did exactly what you said you were going to do. You do achieve your goals. You can achieve your goal.
Set step goals (small interval goals). Achieve them. Acknowledge you achieve them.
In this phase you’re establishing two things: self-belief and goal achievement. You’re letting go of compare and contrast as this never helped you. You do things that help you (3rd thing you’re establishing - helpful habits).
Two months of this. Small steps. Tiny steps if need be.
When you’ve got the pattern established increase each interval by a stretch amount. If you don’t achieve the stretch interval then it was too much of a stretch so reduce it little by little until you’ve reached a stretch that you can achieve.
In a year you would’ve completely changed your self belief system and lifestyle.
One year isn’t long. Not when you know that the change is sustainable. You would’ve taught yourself goal setting that is allied to you not against you. You would also learn approach goal setting rather than avoidance goal setting (where you’re stuck now). You’d also teach yourself patience and self care.
One important point - your mind will change. You’ll see things differently.
Little by little we get to a lot!
in reply to me2019
Wow - to helpful thank you, more notes to take!
EleanorbaMaintainer
Really agree rachelleeigh about the stories we tell ourselves. I’m wondering about the tiredness, why do you think you’re tired all the time? Best of luck, this is a great place to get lots of support.
in reply to Eleanorba
I think because I am overweight and unfit and also depressed and miserable, they all make me tired.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Do you have all the support you need for when you feel depressed?
in reply to Eleanorba
Um no! But this forum maybe the place that helps me. I need to come on more often and use it better. I am not good at talking and would never talk to my friends about this sort of stuff but being behind a computer and anonymous makes it much easier!
Great that the forum is helping! It is fantastic in here. But if a friend asked you for help I bet you’d be glad they’d confided in you, no? Also seeing your GP could be helpful? Hope you have a good day today.
in reply to Eleanorba
I just hate talking about myself! Very happy to listen to others though.
IndigoBlue61 in reply to
We have lots going on around here Oolong. Follow this link to our chat thread and a list of all the activities we run. healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...
in reply to IndigoBlue61
Thank you, I must come on more often to keep myself going
Being here Oolong you will be able to say 'was' infront of all the negatives that you have just written before you know it.
me2019 in reply to
This is jam packed with insight.
Try to unpack your statement.
Overweight is more than a statement of perceived fact. You apply a value to it. It seems that overweight doesn’t fit in with your value of who you are, might be and finally ‘should be’ (heavy self judgement).
Unfit - is completely dependent on weight. Thus you could be overweight and fitter. Though what does fit look like in your mind (write it down: I believe I would be fit if I was able to....)
Depressed could be as a result of the above two and/or could be driving the above two. So again, what does not depressed look like (eg: I would feel better if I was able to.... or if I was.... or if I had....)
One thing for certain which you’ve identifies is the above items cumulatively bring you down physically and emotionally and can be summed up as ‘make me tired’
What in fact makes you tired is the judgement/opinion you have about those things: overweight and unfit.
If by re-examining these judgements and helping yourself understand how these came about, you might be able to be more compassionate about their existence in your life.
With a compassionate eye, you may even begin to break these down further and start to think about tweaking the elements of these things.
Some things will be habitual. So, you’ll need to patiently accept that creating new habits and breaking old ones takes time. During this time you may revert to old ways yet this is part of the journey to new ways. It’s not a failing. It’s not you. It’s the strength of the old habit versus new habit.
When you are tired of course you’re going to find it hard to do something. That is a logical thought. It is a thought. So this habit may also need to be challenged. Eg: a thought ‘I’m so tired today!!’ A possible challenge is ‘ok, how would I define tired? Am I able to stand up and sit down a few times?’ Can I physically stand up? If there was my favourite food in the fridge would I be too tired to get it? No? Oh, maybe I’m not that tired. Yes? Oh ok, so that’s out. What if I was choking would I be too tired to get up and get a glass of water? No not that tired. Oh ok, so I can stand up!’
Here’s the clincher argument: I don’t want to!!!!
Then again you’ll need to be very self compassionate and caring and gently unpack the ‘don’t want to’.
It may be ‘nothing will change! Soo don’t want to.’
An actual scientific fact is this: the mind you have before you stand up is different chemically to the mind you have after you’ve stood up. For you to actually see this change inside you, you’ll need to do it a few times. Yet it is factually correct.
So.....each time you stand up, overcome the ‘I don’t want to’ command, the more your want to will override your don’t want to. But be patient with yourself.
Always remember that actually your reasoning is logical. Given this your logical reasoning with time will shift to working for you.
** unfit is not completely dependent on weight....
Need to make the distinction.
in reply to me2019
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
Hi there. I echo the below posts. Come here often for support. Go for a walk. Do not buy the bad things... Then you won't eat them. Soon you won't want to bad stuff. Good luck x
I would like to say a HUGE thank you to all of you. So much effort and thought has gone into your replies. I am very touched and appreciate it so much. xx
Dear Oolong,
Best is to join a ramblers group! A steady walkers group, or similar..perhaps a different group for say 3 days a week.There are literally hundreds of such groups..ask.your local.council. I went for my first walk with Winchester Health walks today and felt tired after the hour's walk BUT really enjoyed it! So.glad took that FIRST step of ringing and asking..all very simple! Please try it..makes all the difference. Very nice group, got invited for after-walk coffee etc..Life is WHAT YOU make it.
Best of luck
in reply to Chrissie777
Where I live there are lovely walks and I live on a farm but I have bursitis in both hips so walking is a nightmare 
Chrissie777 in reply to
Hello.again,
so sorry to.read about your Bursitis..very painful..have had it.
However, this should be controllable with ant-inflammatories, first of all.?
If this doesn't work, then it's complete BED REST as inflammation can only be 'eased (pain that is) by resting the joint ..boring but Nature will do the job.
Cut down on animal products, as this can make it harder for body to do the hard work of digesting AND trying to deal with inflammation at same time.
Body will heal if you stop the animal.protein!!
Get onto fruits, singley, ( or mixed in fruit salad) stay on fruits for 5-7 days as these are easy for body to deal with. ( digest).
Also extremely 'cleansing' (naturally, that is, I mean ' in Nature's way'l) and all this cleansing work, without drugs, will start to have an effect on inflammation.
However Nature's way is SLOW,never 'fast-track', but if you give it say the whole week, see how it is after 7 days. Plus FULL REST of course..no exercise at all.
But Nothing but fruits..no meat, dairy, fat of any kind, eggs, sugar ..just good wholesome apples, plums, strawberries, any fruit you like( no 'toppings!) These are 'alkaline' in the body, (including oranges lemons)...They are NOT acidic, as NHS claim!! All fruits are alkaline. But don't have DRIED fruits..too much sugar! Don't have anything but fruits. Start every morning with glass of hot water with squeeze of lemon juice ( also very cleansing). Hope you get some relief after 7 days..No cheating in between..won't work.
in reply to Chrissie777
Thank you, is that how you cured yours? I have had steriod injections but no effect and anti-inflamatories do not help either. Just fruit no veg I presume?
Chrissie777 in reply to
Well no, I went on a ten day 'fast' of water only.
.But I don't think.you could do it if you've never fasted before!
The first day is tough and you'll suffer from withdrawal symptoms .
But if you can get over the first 24-48 hours, appetite goes anyway..its difficult but Boy, does it work!
But going on fruit only is LIKE a mini fast in that your body is getting a REST from the hard work of digesting (true! It requires work for all your system ,as soon as you put one mouthful into your mouth..system leaps into 'action') If you have to cook for others, then almost impossible to remain on a fast, no matter HOW determined..you need to be away from foid and cooking! But Yes, if you could do even a SHORT FAST of 7 days, you will notice a Reduction in pain levels..guaranteed. Would require several.short fasts to clear it up forever though. Fasting is a state of mind..it is NIT STARVING..starving is when you WANT to eat and this upsets your stomach setting up vicious circle! Fasting is BORING I have to say, but it's the best, safest( no drugs) way to heal whatever ails you. WATER only, hot or cold however nothing else.
But would prefer you go on simple cleansing fruit diet first please ! Don't know if this WILL be effective but certainly WONT harm you in any event , and may just get you some relief !
Sorry didn't answer your question!
Yes Fruit only!! Not a morsel.of anything else, and tell yourself that is IS doing you good! Psychological encouragement..self-determination and resolve very very important. Best of luck..please let me know if it helps in any way. Vary your fruits each day..But
fruit for breakfast, lunch and dinner..great stuff! Fresh, no tins, or frozen,or dried!
You may like these two songs (lyrics)
in reply to me2019
Loved these thank you!
me2019 in reply to
You’ve received some very well intentioned suggestions. I read Team Admin’s comment below and must say: I’m pleased they posted it.
With any diet it is important to ask yourself whether the lifestyle change is realistic/enjoyable.
The thing with fruit is it contains significant amounts of sugar (inflammatory) so whilst you’re on it, you may experience high energy after around day 3. By day 7 you’re body isn’t really sure it knows what you’re doing to it. It takes approx 3weeks for anything we do today to our bodies to become noticeable to us (externally and to some extent internally). So if after 7 days of eating high sugar you revert back to your preferred way of eating, your body may find it complementary or it may find it a rude shock.
If for instance your preferred way is mostly dark green veg, light green salad leaves, apple and/or and berries with protein as well then possibly the impact of the fast will be complementary.
If your preferred way is leaning away from the above, then your body will protest a little. You may experience cravings for sugar.
For me, I tend to have 10 dark green veg a day, protein and very little fruit (an apple a day, melon and berries) all other fruit I eat rarely. I avoid all nightshades (inflammatory). I will compromise with pasta and tomato based sauces about 3 times a year and make sure that the distance between them is large! I do this so that I can enjoy them yet my body will release them as these foods are not familiar to it. No harm done.
It took me about 3 months to ween myself off simple sugars (excluding lactose as it’s in milk). The fruit was a challenging one as from very young we’re taught fruit is good. It is, in moderation. It would be if that was all we’d ever eat and/or we ate in a strict particular way. Yet we don’t. So I did my research to educate myself on sugar:types, forms and where it’s found. It took me a long time to switch from intellectually knowing about sugar as a whole and actually believing it too. I’ve reached that point now.
Bottom line - any diet that is sweet tasting needs to be really scrutinised. Check with doc, nutritionist and/or naturopath (credible one).
If you’re going to go down the fruit diet please include dark green veg into the diet. Also watercress-nature’s wonder leaf! Try sprouting legumes too (chick pea and azuki) and include these. Be careful about consuming just sugar in a different package (aka fruit). Yes it does have vitamins yet at what expense do these vitamins get released into your blood stream?
Good luck with dieting. I’m not a fan of dieting. Cold turkey anything doesn’t work unless it’s done and maintained for 3 + months, which is rather unrealistic.
Fruit sugars are NOT inflammatory as are PROCESSED sugars in all forms in all supermarket amd processed foods!
Body can use and dispose of fructose as it DOES NOT ACCUMULATE in the body and become acidic!! No problem. Many mammals and primates( similar make up to.us) live on natural.FRUITS,BERRIES etc.
Best system.going is to go on cleansing fruit for about 5-7 days. Nothing else. Don't exercise as it's too strenuous on fruit alone but certainly can.only help whatever is wrong with you..with perhaps iDabetes 2 being one exception.
If it worked for you, that’s great. I really hope you got blood tests before you started the diet.
The research from around the 90s was ambiguous on the matter of fruit and sugar. Also the book fit for life was a huge advocate of fruit. The writers rewrote their original book and caveated their statements about fruit.
Our genes are unique and therefore best to be sure when it comes to diets.
I’m pleased you believe it did wonders for you. Truly.
TeamAdminAdministrator
Just a reminder to everyone.
No-one here, Members or Administrators, are medically qualified.
If you are offered suggestions on eating for medical conditions, please ensure you seek your own medical advice. In addition, you may wish to carry out your own research on the subject, if you intend to follow an alternative route
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