I feel horrible

It's been weeks maybe months since I've posted in here and I feel awful. Not only in my weight but in myself. I wouldn't mind being fat if I could just love myself and what I look like. Clothes hate me, they are so clingy and nothing fits right. It makes me more depressed and then makes me not want to move. I saw the doctors few days ago and ended up coming out of the room crying into my boyfriends arms... Is that normal? I have some much I'm going to post but I'll start here. Posting on here actually makes me feel better. i should also point out since my dad died 5 years ago I've cut out everyone so have no outlet, no one to really talk to expect my boyfriend. So online community anyone wanna be friends or have anything help or advise to someone is so depressed they wish they didn't wake up? :'( xx

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  • Hello Kahlan90,

    I'm so sorry to hear how miserable you're feeling about yourself and how you look, it is a feeling I can empathise with, in fact I posted earlier today about just such a feeling. I also know how it feels when a much loved and cherished Dad dies, my Dad died almost two years ago and not a single day goes by when I don't speak to him and think about him, I miss him terribly. I don't have any brothers or sisters so most of my feelings about my Dad are kept to myself as I don't think anyone else would know how I feel as he wasn't anyone else's Dad, but I'm wrong. Everyone who has lost somebody they love knows that empty feeling. You don't say why you've shut people out of your life and I don't need to know why, but I would suggest it may help to speak with your GP about getting some counselling, that's what I did and it really helped it took a lot of talking and even more crying but it helped me get stronger.

    I really wish you well and hope you can take the next step towards feeling better about yourself and accepting the grief you naturally feel since your Dad died. It sounds as though you have good support from your boyfriend so well done him for being there for you. Don't expect too much from yourself, take one step at a time and one problem at a time, it's a bit of a domino effect, as you start to resolve one thing you will find other things fall into place.

    Good luck to you and my very best wishes go out to you.

  • Welcome! I'm so sorry that you've lost such a wonderful dad. It's now time to think of you and get back the daughter your dad loved so much. I know that I shouldn't be using emotional blackmail, but come on, it's time for you to look after you and love yourself again. That's the way forward. Have a look at the NHS 12 week plan and let's start the new life...you're worth it!

  • I wish I could just give you a big cuddle, have a cuppa and a good chat ♥

    I was once in the same place as you and still am really, depression is an awful illness, my best advice would be to see your doctor. I put this off for about 3 years and only got worse, some fays I would wake up n think there was nothing wrong with me but through the day I would cry, shout, hate myself.

    Doctors can and will help you. Other than that our can self refer to some counselling sessions , there are a few near me such as Right Steps and Turning Point not sure if they have these or similar where you live.

    Much love to you , love Mandy x

  • Hi Kahlan90

    I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time over the past few years.

    Grief can affect us in so many ways and we all have different ways of dealing with it.

    When my mum died 11 years ago, I felt so alone, even though I still had my dad, my half brothers and half sister, husband and children! None of them knew how I felt, and I couldn't put it in to words. To be honest I still can't. I have learnt that the pain of grief does not go away....we simply get used to living with it, and so eventually we can think and talk about them with ease.

    I feel that the grief that I suspect you are still dealing with, coupled with your views about yourself and your body, may be an indication of depression. I would suggest a trip to your gp. When my gp said that I was depressed, my mood lifted almost instantly.....because it meant that there was a real reason for the way I was feeling! I was given mild anti-depressants, and counselling. I found the counselling very helpful. It enabled me to understand why I felt the way I was feeling.

    You may find it helpful to start exercising. Simply go for a walk for half an hour a day. It doesn't need to be a long or hard walk, just outside in the fresh air. Plug you iPod (or other portable music device!!) in and listen to some tunes as you go. It is well known that excersise can help to improve our mood.

    Finally, coming to weight loss, I personally, have felt much much happier in myself since starting to eat healthily. This may be due to better nutrition or because I am actually losing weight. Or both!

    Have you considered downloading the myfitnespal app? It's free, and you can use it to monitor what you are eating, record your exercise and I think more importantly for you, you can keep records of how you are feeling at the time in the diary section. This could be useful for you to look at why you are eating the 'naughty' stuff, if you are a comfort eater.

    I truly hope you are feeling better soon.

    Good luck

    (((((hugs)))))

  • Hi Kahlan,

    You've been offered empathy and advice so well, there's nothing left for me to say except have you tried the other online communities?

    If you click on my communities at the top of the page, then browse communities, type in depression in the search box. There are a number of different sites, one of them Scottish, but that won't matter, seeing as it's online.

    It may be that you'll find some kindred spirits and very pertinent advice.

    I do hope you'll be feeling better soon. x

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