I don't post on forums, but I stumbled across this site when I was newly pregnant and in the weeks where I couldn't share my news or ask my friends, I looked up your questions and used you as my online family. So I'm just doing a post in case I can help you in return.
I had a private scan at 8k6d as we were so excited - amazing to hear the heartbeat. by the 12wk scan we had just about got our heads round it and told our mums, started planning for our life change.
But there was no heartbeat at the scan, and I'm sure that will remain one of the worst days of my life. I could see the baby on the screen, I thought it was ok because she was measuring it, but that was to tell me that the baby had stopped growing at 10w2d. There had been no pain, no blood, I was still getting morning sickness and all the symptoms, and hadn't lifted a finger or eaten a single 'wrong' thing. They told me it was 'just one of those things'. I won't dwell on all the devastation, tears and overwhelming guilt, because 1) I'm at work trying to hold it together and 2) that won't help you and I'm trying to be informative.
I was given the 3 choices of
Conservative management (wait to miscarry at any time in the next few weeks)
Medical management (drugs to miscarry in hospital)
I opted for medical management because conservative management didn't seem conducive to trying to hold down a job every day and a D&C they didn't seem too sure about offering me at my stage of pregnancy and the risks sounded quite severe to me, plus general anaesthetic didn't appeal.
Be ready for the questions - do you want to name the baby, do you want to take the remains home or have them cremated locally by the hospital, do you want to look at the remains, do you want them to be tested/ examined, do you want to attend the monthly hospital service for lost babies? It was a big challenge of how to view this - as a baby's remains or as 'retained pregnancy tissue' - the medical people I encountered seemed to differ dramatically between the 2 views, which pickled my head a bit while I was trying to figure out how I felt. I feel like both perspectives are true.
Medical management was pretty horrific - I won't lie. The staff were AMAZING though, and I would make the same choice again. I told myself over and over that however horrendous it was going to be, it couldn't be any worse than scan day, and it wasn't. I arrived at 9am and had tablets inserted under my cervix - didn't hurt - and lay down for 1 hour. Then I was told to walk around for as long as possible and after 3 hours (mild period-like pains) I was given oral tablets.
Within an hour I was cramping severely and passing large blood clots. They put bed pans in the toilet and everything is collected. I had the runs and was also sick a few times, but probably from the pain more than the tablets. At one point I started trembling and shivering, cervical shock apparently, but was ok after a lie down and some painkillers took the edge off the cramps a little. I didn't look at what was coming out. Each time I left the loo I pulled a pad over the toilet bowl behind me. By about 4pm the nurse confirmed she thought everything had passed, but I was due another set of oral tablets. I opted to have them, to make sure all was passed.
This embarked on another round of the same, severe cramps and unfortunately puked up the painkillers and needed morphine. It was very painful, that kind of pain where you don't know whether to stand or sit, can't keep still and definitely too painful to think about crying. I'm glad though, because I think more passed, which might not have done if I'd not had the second set of tablets.
By about 8pm the pain subsided (it comes on and switches off pretty quickly). they confirmed that everything had passed, and are so sure that I don't even need a follow up scan.
I wasn't expecting to feel relieved, as I hadn't felt repulsed by still carrying the baby for a week after the scan. But I did - I missed being pregnant but I was massively relieved too. I tried to explain it to my sister in law as 'it shouldn't be easy to lose a baby' - all the pain, all the blood and commotion of medical management somehow helped me accept that it had really happened. In my mind, that's how horrific it should feel to lose a baby, not just feel the same as usual. This is another reason I am glad I didn't opt for D&C - I know it has advantages, but it might have been too invisible for me.
It's a week and a half since my medical management and 3 weeks since I was gloriously unaware and happily pregnant.
Yesterday my pains pretty much stopped and today the bleeding also looks like it's stopped. Not sure how long until the tears stop.
Hope this is useful to someone xx