Need some advice on miscarriage.

[keesh87]

Hello I found out at my 8wk scan that the baby had passed away I now need to decide what method I use to get baby out. I've thought about the natural way or medication as I don't want surgery. If any one has experienced any of these which do you suggest. I just want it out so I can forget about it. I know 8 weeks isnt a lot so I feel really silly because I keep crying.

[Kazzacollie]

Hi, I'm very very sorry for your loss! It's doesn't matter how far along you were at the end of the day that was your baby and you need to grieve and it will take time! I had a miscarriage in September my baby had passed away at 6 and a half weeks and I was crying for weeks afterwards, everybody's different! I personally opted for the medical miscarriage as like you I wanted the baby out as soon as I could, this was the best option for me as it involved no surgery and the hospital can monitor you and give you pain relief and make sure you have passed everything you need to. When you have a natural one that might not be so easy. Good luck for the future and you know where I am if you need to talk xxxxx

[Kazzacollie in reply to Kazzacollie]

Sorry I have just realised I didn't say when I first went in I was given tablets then asked to return two days later. I had to take more tablets when I first went in the second time then some more on the afternoon to ensure everything had passed which it did. I was monitored till the hospital was happy that the bleeding had slowed enough, to be honest I didn't bleed that much, but everyone is different. Also another good thing about letting it happen in hospital was I didn't know I was rhesus negative until the hospital told me and I needed an anti d to stop my body treating a further pregnancy as a foreign object. My husband was allowed to stay with me throughout which helped a great deal xxxx

[minime61]

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetheart. Don't feel silly you have every right to grieve. I had a very similar miscarriage to you. I chose medication way as I didn't want operation either but I wish I had chosen just to go home and wait. I had to take medication' then go in 3 days later, more medication, then stay all day until everything had 'come out'. My experience was very painful and upsetting. I would rather have been at home. It didn't happen quick enough for the staff's liking so they gave me more drugs which made me bleed too much and I ended up staying over night. I don't want to scare you, it's just my opinion and experience, I wish I had just let it happen naturally. Whatever u choose' I hope it goes easily for you, xx

[Hidden]

Please don't feel that just because your 8 weeks...you still lost something that meant the world to you and you will feel upset...doesn't matter if your 8 weeks 20 weeks or full term that was still your baby....although I haven't been through it myself my friend did recently and she opted for the natural way, but did say she wouldn't do it again as it was very painful and happened over 2 days...so I can only pass on her experience...tc xx

[Megzey]

You have a right to cry and don't feel silly about it. it is good to cry and not bottle these horrible emotions up inside.

I let mine pass away naturally bled for about 2 weeks heavy then it calmed down, I was 5/6 weeks, I bottled my emotions up until a few weeks after then cried and my husband didn't really understand.

[k44tew]

Hi, I'm so sorry for ur loss and i totally understand how u feel. I lost my baby at 7 wks and although it wasn't a planned pregnancy i was absolutely devastated. Never be ashamed to cry! This is an awful time and u need to be honest about how u feel and get the support u need in order to recover. As for ur options, I too took the medical route (mainly because i wasn't really given any other choice) and I have to say it was the most horrendous experience of my life. I am now 6 yrs on from that day but I remember every excruciating second. Like others have said, i was taken in and given 2 tablets then returned 2 days later and given 2 more, plus a pessary. The pessary makes your bowels very loose and one of the many humiliating things is that you have to do ALL toilet in a bedpan over the toilet and call the nurse every time you go so she can check in case you've passed ur baby yet. I know they say leave ur dignity at the door when it comes to having babies but when ur already feeling so vulnerable this is just another trauma. But the worst part by far for me was the actual pain. It was the worst, most brutal pain I have ever felt, possibly made worse by the fact that unlike labour, u know nothing good is going to come at the end. The nurses considered giving me morphine but said it would have stopped the process so i chose to keep going on just mild cocodamol as i couldnt face going through that pain again. When i finally did pass my baby the feeling of physical relief was unbelievable, as the pain stopped immediately but actually being able to see what had come out of me was horrible. If i was ever in that position again (god forbid) I would opt for the surgery despite being terrified. I think its a lot less graphic and definitely less painful and i wonder if it might have made it easier to get over. Also I am certain surgery would be the quickest method as i had to.stay in hospital for 2 days and bled for about 3 weeks after.

I am sorry if i've given u 2 much detail or scared u more, but i read ur post and it all just came flooding back. I've never posted on this site before but i just felt so strongly about this that i wanted to let you know my experience, as i wouldnt wish it on anyone and i wish i'd had more info at the time as i'd have probably insisted on surgery. I am so sorry ur going thru this, but if u need 2 talk or want 2ask anything else I'm here.

Thinking about you.

T xxxxxxx

[keesh87]

Thanks guys I feel a lot better now ive spoken about it my partners really devestated he left work when he found out. The baby was a surprise but he was excited as it was his first. So I haven't really told him how I'm feeling I just say I'm ok. He said once its over we can try again but I really dont want to incase it happens again.

[Kazzacollie in reply to keesh87]

I felt the same in the beginning, but to be honest it gave me something to focus on trying for another baby. I wasn't emotionally over my miscarriage but finding out I was pregnant for the second time seemed to all of a sudden lift some of the grief, but I have never and will never forget my baby!! I focused on getting a healthier lifestyle and going to the gym and found out I was pregnant again four months later. This is after four years of trying I do believe taking the focus off having babies really helped. You have to remember every pregnancy is different and just because it's happened once doesn't mean it will happen again, I believe my first baby prepared my body to carry my twins and without that first pregnancy I wouldn't be in the position I am now. You need to talk to your partner, he will understand he will be feeling the same as you are. Take care x

[DrFluffy in reply to keesh87]

Awww Hun, heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. Sounds like you have a good 'un in your partner - don't bottle things up, share them with him and that way you can try to move on together.

Really sad for your loss

Xxx

[k44tew]

U need 2 b honest with him about how this is affecting u, women are strong but we can't b strong all the time, sometimes u have to just allow urself to be looked after. Ur man will be trying to support u by saying u can try again but if u don't feel ready then that is ok! Be honest and u will get through this together and support each other. That said, just because this has happened this time does NOT mean it will happen again. Sometimes, for reasons we will never know, our bodies do what's best for baby. Its been 6 years since i lost my angel but i have come to terms with the fact that it just wasn't meant to be ( i was in a very abusive relationship at the time and although i wish with all my heart it hadn't happened i am glad that my baby didn't have to grow up with my ex as a father). When i miscarried the midwife told me that i might be left with an overwhelming urge for a baby, which was true, but i didn't let it happen as i knew i was in a bad relationship and felt trapped. You may feel differently about trying again once this is over, but don't be scared. So many women on this site have had the same experience and feelings as you and have gone on to have happy, healthy pregnancies and that can happen for u too!

Speak to ur gp and ask to be referred for counselling. This is a traumatic time and speaking to someone neutral can really help you to come to terms with ur feelings (it really helped me).

Take care

T xxxxx

[keesh87 in reply to k44tew]

I will talk to him about it when I get home. Thanks for sharing your experience it really does help xx

[ashy2005]

So sorry to hear about ur loss iv had two miscarriages.. one at 16 weeks the other at 11.. both in hospital. As my first was a late miscarriage and I had to go through the process I was advised a DNC which puts you under and they remove the baby which was the best option for me as they were very close together I left it 2 years to try again and I'm now 36 weeks.. so don't give up. I know right now its so painful but one day you will wake up ready to try again thinking of you xxx

[k44tew]

No problem. I'm glad if what i went through can help someone else, at least it's 1 positive thing to come from it. Hope you get on well with talking to your man, i think you'll be surprised how supportive he will be, he sounds like a gem and probably just doesn't really know what to do to support you so talking will help you both.

If u need 2talk feel free to msg me. Hope all goes well huni xxxxxx

[MamiD]

Hie, am sorry for your loss.It happened to me 2 years ago.I discovered at my 12-13 weeks scan that i miscarried at 8 weeks and i was very upset and emotional.I went for anaesthetic to remove the foetus and all went well,after that i tried again and fell pregnant 3 months later.Now my son is 11 months and happy healthy baby.I would suggest you go for it because it removes everything although there are always less complications.Speek to your doctors so they explain everything to you.Good luck and try not to stress a lot, next time you be orite xx

[maryamH]

So sorry to hear sbout your lost. I miscarried when i was 2-3 weeks pregnant. To be honest i did cry like a child. I know 2-3 weeks is nothing but it was really a lost. I remember the day when i miscarried it was so much physical pain. I am kind of person who don't take medicines unless its emergency for me. But on that day i took two pain killers (which was too much for me and due to it mu husband knew i was very much in pain). He wanted to get me to A&E. but i refused. It was physical as well as emotional pain.

I went for natural method to get baby out. It took 11 days and i bled fresh flood during all this time. (Sorry for the tmi).

But now i am happy. I am pregnant again:). And have got over the loss.

Stay blessed.

[keesh87]

Thanks for sharing I've been bleeding for the past few weeks also passing clots now I've become obsessed with checking to see if baby has passed I don't even now what it will look like. I felt a pulling across the bottom of my stomach on and off last night is that normal xx

[beancarrier]

Hi keesh87

Im so sorry for your loss, miscarriages are so tough both emotionally and physically no matter how far along in your pregnancy you are. It sounds to me like you are activly miscarring, i normally experience low cramping dragging pains for about 24hrs before passing the baby, which sounds similar to what your experiencing now, although i know everyone is different. Personally if i can, i sit on the loo and try to strain and sometimes that can help it pass, plus take lots of pain relief (why suffer?), the hospital or your gp should give you codine or the like. At 8 weeks your baby in its amniotic sack is about plum/tangarine sized, so you will probably feel it pass, you will also pass some quite big clots of stuff. (Sorry if tmi) In my experience for natural miscarriages once i have passed the baby the bleeding normally reduces to a heavy period and lasts 10-14 days. I have had numerous miscarriages, natural, surgical and medical and personally find medically managed the easiest.

Give yourself time to grieve, its ok for both of you to cry and comfort each other , but remember you will get through this and smile again. X