me and my partner was trying to get pregnant since 2009 tried for 2 yr and then GOD listened to our pray and i got pregnant in 2011.. we were over the moon. Everything was going good .... then came my 12 weeks scan. she was checking the baby said heart is fine everything is fine but when she looked at the skull, i bit was missing it wasn't proper round. Then had another scan on the same day dr said we r sorry but somthing is wrong with ur child brain its not joined.. then they asked me if i had foilic acid and told them i didn't know i had to take it coz when i got preg i had no gp and didn't know who to talk to. Even my mum didn't know anything about folic acid. Anyway after that the dr who scaned me said it could b somthing small or big we really can't say anything at the moment so we will do scan every 4week to see what is happening... came home cry,1st worse day of my life.
anyway then i started taking folic acid coz i thought mayb it might get better. i was willing to try anything for my baby. after 4 week went for another scan, dr said we are sorry but it has gone worse and baby's brain is coming out and we don't think it will get any better. we will advise you to end your pregnancy. Well me and my partner decided no will will go through it and see what happen. then came another scan at 5months dr said the shull has collapsed and the brain is all out. if i continue with perg then baby will die soon after the birth. they send me to all sort of different hospital for 2nd opinion they all said the same thing. Then at 22 weeks i made the hard decision to end the pregnancy.
so i had medical termination at 24 due to neural tube defect.. coz i didn't know i had to take folic acid and how important it was, a silly mistake which cost me my child. every time i think about her it jst makes me so upset. was told to talk to people who went through this and was offered counselling but i refused.... i thought i could get over it but i guess this guilt will never go away. thought about talking to my friend about this but i know they won't understand it and will judge me for what i did... i wan to talk to people but its hard to talk to face to face..
plz give some advise
thank you
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dsphoie
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First of all im so sorry with everything you had to go through, this must have been just awful for you. Please dont feel guilty. This is in no way your fault, if you had of taken folic acid i dont think that it would have prevented what happened. Some women dont take it and if you dont find out until you 10 weeks pregnant then some women only take it for the remaining 2 weeks. Dont feel guilty about the medical termination either, im sure many women would have done exactly the same if they had of been in your shoes i know i would have. Im sure you were thinking of the right thing to do for your baby and thats all anyone can do. Which in itself makes you a great mother. Because its putting the needs of your baby before anything else even if the outcome is upsetting. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time and i hope in the future it will happen for you. Please consider seeing a councellor/therapist as you really cant keep this bottled up. It will help you to heal. All the best x
Hi firstly i'm sorry for everything you have experienced, I totaly agree with Mumaj you done what was best for your child. and please consider talking to a councilor.
Dear Dsphoie, am sorry you had to go through this, but please dont blame yourself. These things happen unfortunately. In my faith which is against termination, i would have asked God for forgiveness and if i had been in your shoes would have done exactly the same. This child even if she or he survived would not have any quality of life and you would blame yourself more for keeping the pregnancy and i think the longer you would have kept it off the more difficult it would have been for you. Seriously speaking i dont think anyone rational would have kept this pregnancy based on religious, cultural, moral or any other beliefs. We value and love life and want to hold onto it for as long as possible but in some cases it is worth to let go. If you kept this baby you would blame yourself everyday, I am a health care professional and have seen disabilities at their worst. The cost of preserving life has to be cross examined and looked at critically. Loss is loss and you have to grieve for as long as you need. Time is a healer as they say. I lost my dear mother in 1991 and cried and missed her terribly every day until i had my 1st child in 1996. Speaking to people who have experienced loss helped but this is a sad part of life. Please dont blame yourself, I pray to God that your precious baby is in heaven being looked after by the Angels which is a better place, and i pray that God will heal you and fill that vacuum with another lovely and healthy baby. I am genuinely sorry and wish you all the best in this life Keep positive and hopeful, one day you will come to terms with your loss.
I'm a nurse and I'm so sorry for what u have had to go through but the girls are right lots of woman do not take folic acid, this situation is just a sad event but under No circumstance is this your fault and it may have happen even if u had of taken it, I'm so sorry that they made u feel that it is your fault, this was nothing to do with u and u could not of prevented it, i no it doesn't matter wat anyone says, words can't solve wat u going through but I think u are so BRAVE! Lots of people would not of been strong enough to do wat u did and the baby would have suffered, u put ur heart break aside and thought of ur baby and didn't want her to suffer, such an unselfish thing to do x my best friends baby died at 3 days old and it was the hardest thing she has ever done but she went to support groups and was able to cope, u and ur partner need to talk about ur feelings and let it out, nobody will ever judge u for the brave thing u done xxxx I really hope things get easier in time to accept your loss xxxx god bless ur wee angel xxx
My heart goes out to you for what you had to go through but you made the right decision. I had a termination 21 yrs ago for different reasons and never coped. Please ask for help, and accept support. I am now expecting child number 4 and it doesnt go away but once you realise it was the right thing and dont listen negativity you ll find the strength to move on.
I hope you and your partner help and support each other and you did what a true parent does and put their child first by making sure they had no suffering xxx
You should have listen to them in the first place. You waited and made it worse for yourself and for your partner. Honestly you have to be stronger than anyone else if you want to get pregnant again because its all about you and your health. You have to remember this lesson for your other pregnancies and DO NOT FOR GET. THE MOST IMPORTANT THINK IS YOU CAN GET PREGNANT NO MATTER WHAT. If you keep making yourself upset and think about it over and over again you just damaging your relationship with your partner too.you have get yourself back together and make yourself busy all the time but don't go too crazy. Especially if that was your first pregnancy thinks are happining like that. By the way if the baby was unhealthy its ment to die. You can't do anything about it and its not your fault. You didn't know what you have to do either your mom or your partner. Next time you will remember this lesson and you will be much more careful. So don't worry everything happening for reasons if god closes one door another one going to open.
Do not feel guilty! This was just one of those awful things that happen. Its' not anybody's fault and I'm sure I would have done the exact same thing in your shoes. Be strong and next time will be different I'm sure cc
Hello Darling, I am so SORRY for your loss, how utterly devastating. This happened to a Friend of mine and she didn't terminate but the baby died after 3 days and was in pain. It's the hardest decision you'll ever have to make but I know you made the right one. You could not have predicted or prevented this.
I would also talk to your Friends about this, if they are any Friend at all they will feel nothing but empathy for you and it does help to talk.
I went to a counsellor in the summer for unrelated reasons and it really did help so this may be worth a thought, it's their job not toi judge but to help and support you.
You are going through heartbreak but you will come out the other side.
Firstly so sorry for your loss, I would have wanted to wait and hope even if it had been a hopeless situation too, you acted like any mum who did not want to believe that there was no hope for this little one. You should have no guilt for what you had to do, you simply had no choice. Do no blame yourself for baby's health problems as not every woman years ago took folic acid and some turned out fine, sounds like this was going to happen anyway. When you feel strong enough to try again I'm sure it will be a much happier story, so sorry that you had to go through this, and please don't feel afraid to ask your Gp for counselling they aren't there to judge, they are there to help you through this xx
Hi, as everyone else on here as said, I am so sorry for your loss. I definitely feel that you should visit your gp and get some counselling booked in. I am a trainee counsellor myself and feeling guilty whilst grieving is such a powerful emotion, please dont battle through it alone. I understad your hesitation for talking face to face to someone but once you are in the room with someone talking, it doesnt feel awkward or alien. My thoughts are with you at this horrible time and your partner also. Guilt is such a destructive emotion and you have NOTHING to feel guilty for. Should I be faced with the same decision i hope i would have your strength and bravery to make the right decision as you did. Best wishes for you at this horrible time, remember we are all here whenever tou need to talk.xx
I am truly sorry for your loss too, counselling is a sign of strength not weakness, it will help you to come to terms with a decision that was really out of your hands regardless as to whether you took it or not I doubt it would of prevented this happening, seek out a counselor that you feel comfortable with and your partner too as whilst its physically and mentally happened to you he will be struggling too, all the best lots of luck for the future xx
IM SORI 4 UR LOST. PLZ DNT BE UPSET. IT NOT UR FAULT. UR CHILD WULD HVE BEEN IN PAIN IF U LET HER COME INTO THIS WORLD. YOU DID WHAT EVERY MOTHER WOULD HAVE IF THEY WERE IN UR SHOES. SO DNT FEEL GULITY
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Keep positive and hopeful, one day you will come to terms with your loss.
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