Difficult week

This weekend was a year since my ectopic pregnancy was found and I had surgery to remove the right tube. Not long before that, my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My husband and I got married three years ago. We tried fir a year the first time, and 5 months the second time. It's been nine months since we started trying again and it's getting really hard. Im 38 now, and starting to worry that I'm never going to have children. My sister in law has a new baby and a teenager and other family members keep announcing pregnancy. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to be happy for them all. Has anyone had an ectopic which led to a tube being removed and then got pregnant on thier own? I'm.overweight so don't qualify for any NHS fertility treatment. I'm desperately trying to lose the weight, but by the time I do I might be too late for NHS treatment anyway. Looking for positive stories please, it's been a really difficult week.

8 Replies

  • This post is about my mum. But I hope you can find comfort in it. My mum had me when she was 34 then a year later diagnosed with MS. when she was 37 she had an ectopic pregnancy resulting in a tube being removed. mum was advised not to have any more children. When she was 40 she gave birth to my sibling! This was in 1990 so I am talking years ago. I am unsue how long my parents tried before getting pregnant. but they did!

    I am sorry I can not give more details and help, but I hope this gives you done hope.

  • I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Are you in a position to pay for private fertility treatment? If not then go back to your doctor and find out exactly how much weight you need to loose until you qualify for nhs. Then you have a goal for yourself to work towards. My friend just had a baby there without fertility treatment and she is 38. Another friend is 36 weeks pregnant with only one tube so hope that gives you hope.

  • Hi there, this may or may not help but I had an ectopic earlier this year and had a tube removed. I'm 40 and was told it could take some time to conceive and may not happen (I already have one child following a missed miscarriage). One cycle after the op for ectopic I fell pregnant and am now waiting for my 12 week scan having had the location of the pregnancy checked! It was a massive surprise but it can and does happen so hang in there.

  • Don't know how much this may help but when I struggled to conceive I lost a lot of weight,and once I had, conceived naturally. It may be a long road but losing weight does improve your chances of conceiving naturally, and having a healthy and successful pregnancy.

  • Hi there, I can completely understand how your feeling. I was 21 when I had my 1st ectopic, had no idea what it was but soon as I went to A&e I was admitted for an urgent surgery to remove my left tube. I was so desperate to have a baby that I didn't stop trying, only to find out 2months after my 1st ectopic I had my 2nd ectopic on my right 😔

    So back to A&E, Luckily I didn't need surgery so with an injection they terminated the pregnancy but had to stay in hospital for 8days! These 2months were the hardest months, even husband was struggling with our loss of two pregnancy. But I stayed positive, my husband was my rock, we never lost hope. In 2008 I had my beautiful boy with only one tube which was actually quite damage but pregnancy n birth went very smoothly. So please do not lose hope..it's hard but try and stay positive. I lost my right tube through my 3rd ectopic in 2012 but I still never gave up and now I'm 12weeks pregnant with twins through ivf! I know it's hard hun, but you have a chance to fall pregnant again, it may take a little longer than usual but it can and does happen. I would advice that you get your gp to refer you to a fertility team who can do a check up on you and see how your tube is..and also do some routine test and give you the right advice and support. The referal really helped me, I feel it will help you. Goodluck, wish u all the best...and don't give up love :) stay and think positive x

  • Hi there, had to sign up so I could reply as I kind of know how you're feeling even though I know how different everyone's individual experiences are but just wanted to give you some hope.. I'm 28, had an ectopic pregnancy 3 years ago and had my left tube removed and was diagnosed with PID which they said could have caused the ectopic in the first place, so not knowing how long I had it I was told to take extra care as it was likely to happen again depending on the extent of the damage to my remaining reproductive organs.. After more problems I was diagnosed with it again last year so knew the chances were slim of having my own and yes it's so hard to be truly happy for friends, family, acquaintances who are suddenly all around getting pregnant having babies going to a stage of life you feel you will never reach.. I remember a group of women at college talking about how motherhood shaped them and the transforming experience of pregnancy and I know it hurts.. But I'm happy and still find it a bit surreal to say I'm 38 weeks pregnant and have had a healthy pregnancy, I can't describe how I felt when I was rushed for a scan after doing a positive test only to see that his little heartbeat was in the right place.. so I just wanted to let you know it is possible and not to worry too much. Which is easy to say but I know how much time I wasted in some dark places feeling entirely useless! I had been looking into adoption before, as think how many children there are that need a loving home, especially how lucky they would be to live in one with a mother that was that committed to love and care for a little life, just a thought I don't know if it's something you would consider, but a hugely important role and one I haven't ruled out for the future even knowing I can conceive naturally. My thoughts are with you, as above said stay positive! Do check with your GP about the test to see how your left tube is though as mine wasn't keen to refer me for that as apparently it's invasive and that alone can cause damage? Good luck with everything x

  • Thanks so much for taking the time to reply with your experiences. It's really helped to know I'm not the only one.

  • Hi there,

    Sorry I don't know your name, but I've just seen part of your post which catches my attention.

    I am 38 and half and me and husband been trying for a baby since 2009. After a miscarriage and an ectopic and another failed pregnancy in 2009 and another miscarriage in 2010 and more miscarriages we have been recommended for all sorts of tests and they found nothing wrong with me, however, I couldn't be recommender for NHS IVF as I only just turned 35 and the age limit is 35 thats what we bene told at that time, and of course they refereed us back to GP which never gave up on us and as all tests were good, the GP has decided to have my husband tested, and we found out he was the problem as **no count** at all.

    He's been investigate as of why suddenly this happen as he already have two kids from previous marriage. He had all sorts of blood testes, including an MRI, and as well he was half day booked into the hospital to administer him some sort of drugs which will increase natural testosterone.

    After this last tests, the was meant to go back into a month time to see the consultant for the results, however, he had a holiday booked on that date and had to move the appointment back one month.

    Before we found out the problems was with him I used to buy pregnancy test every single month my period was one day late and the expensive ones, and two just in case one it's broken this is how desperate I was.

    My husband it's a PT and and as everything was so slow, a few months before his hospital tests he decided to work on this issues by himself with lots of research and lots of natural ingredients.

    He had the hormones test on the 3rd of jan 2014 he was on holiday form 19th of Jan until 7th of Jan.

    On the day he was due to be back I only just found out I was pregnant (we have a 7 months and have baby boy now).

    Month later to his appointment with the consultant, we found out his testosterone improved naturally at about 7%, which was enough to get me pregnant.

    This was no 8 pregnancy and my first precious baby, after 2 ectopic (lost my left tube), 6 miscarriages and a failed pregnancy and after 5 years of trying!

    I have been so fearful all through my pregnancy, but I couldn't be more happier and my advise to you is " Never give up Hope" and Stop stressing as it doesn't help with the weight loss or with the conceiving.

    Since we started the tests in 2009 until I got pregnant I lost 18 kg and that is 2.83 stones all with a diet plan done by my husband and a lots of exercise (My husband it's a qualified PT (specialised in Muay Thai Boxing) and nutritionist).

    I wish you all the best and remember "Never Never Give Up Hope"!!

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