I recently found out that my husband has been texting and calling a female coworker since last June. I am heartbroken! We have been married for 25 years and have 4 children. He has said things like "all we do is go to the doctor" even though when I got MS 3 years ago I told him he could get out if he wanted to. He chose to stay. Help! I really need some support.
My husband has been having an emotional ... - My MSAA Community
My husband has been having an emotional affair.
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Wizardsmom
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Wizardsmom I'm so very sorry 
I don't know why people cheat instead of just leave even when they have been given an out. We are here for you to vent and support you.
Gentle hugs,
Jessie
Oh, my dear. I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. I hope you take your time in thinking about what to do.
We are here for you.
We’re here for you. Vent when you need to. May I suggest seeing a counselor? That might help. Sending you big hugs!
We started seeing a therapist last week and plan on seeing him every week as long as we need to.
Hopefully it will help! I will send you positive thoughts and prayers.
Sorry to hear. I wish I had more support and relationships over the years. Dealing with Ms is hard enough but emotionally I think they go hand in hand. Trust what your body is saying and how he can grow to be accept just as you do. Time and faith.
Praying that it all works out for you all. Blessings Jimeka 🦋
I am so sorry. 🙏🏻🙏🏻 for u
Xxxzxxx 😓😓😓😓😓😓😕😕😕😕😕
As if you don't have enough to deal with! I'm so sorry! I hope things will go well for you.
My heart is with you Wizardsmom . Glad your husband agreed to counseling.
First I am so sorry to hear that. Have you talked to him about it? What is your ability? Does she have a relative or loved one with MS? I hope it is less than you think Talk to him.
My husband sent her a text today to end it. I saw the text. I don't know what to do now other than work on myself and go to counseling with him. I feel like dirt....what else can I do?
U r SO NOT dirt! This has nothing to do with u. Its his issue not yours!
U have done ur part. Just concentrate on YOU. ur health. Ur well being. Dont let ur happiness be tangled up with his. U r important smart beautiful and amazing. If he cant see that its not ur fault.
We all love u here. 😘😘💜💜
Remember you have done NOTHING WRONG! Don't blame yourself!
It sounds like good news - he’s hearing you and ended it. Be kind to yourself and to him. You have done nothing wrong. This disease is hard on the person who has it and those who love them. Hopefully the counselor can help you two work through it and hear each other. Let us know how it goes. Wishing you the best. You deserve it! 🙏🏻😇
Yes that is solid advice
I am so sorry to hear! The last thing you need to worry about on top of MS!
Jesmcd2CommunityAmbassador
Hi Wizardsmom Nice to meet you💕 Although the circumstances sure do stink.
I'm so sorry that your husband is putting you through this. Because , let's get one thing clear here. This is NOT on YOU! 🤗
It's his issue not yours. You did not ask for this, no one does, and pretty sure, when they say. Better or for Worse, this what they mean.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, look in the mirror, and KNOW! You are worth more than this! Hang in there! 💕
J🌠
I try to believe it's not me. But I look at my thighs and stomach and think "if only I were thinner this wouldn't have happened." Or if I didn't have MS. My self esteem has taken a serious blow. I think it's going to take a long time to get over this.
I have been in ur shoes before but minus the MS. when the person u trust the most hurts u like that it sends u reeling. It does take time to gain ur self confidence back but know u r not alone. We r all here for u
Wizardsmom playing the what if game? Will eat you alive my friend. And YOU have no right to play it. Not from the sound of it anyway.
I have been there, I'm sure a lot of us have, when like Midgey_Midge06 said, that person you trust the most send us reeling. And getting self confidence takes time.
Take a look around you, and LOOK at what YOU have done. YOUR children. Cause let's face it, who raised um?😊
Smile today, it's a good day.
J🌠
Oh I am so sorry! My Dad had MS and my Mom cheated on him. My brother has MS and his wife cheated on him. I have MS and so far my husband has not been unfaithful although I like you gave him an out option. I also have metastatic breast cancer so kind of a double whammy. I know it is hard for the spouses to be around us with a chronic condition. I’m not sure what the answer is, some people deal with it better than others. We support you, hang in there and vent anytime you like! Hugs 🤗!!
I know it's been a few months since you posted this , I just wanted to pass along some love and support to you and your family and hope your doing as well as can be expected.
Hi sammylynn19, I'm afraid to inform everyone that my wife, Shelly265, passed away 2 months ago.
She went quickly and did not suffer too much. I truly love Shelly and I really miss her with all of my heart. She was a stellar woman who was quite beautiful physically. It was extremely hard to see such a stunning person succumb to cancer. As her caregiver, I saw her in pain just about everyday.
Please read further as it has to do with the subject of this thread: Affairs, emotional or otherwise.
======================================================================
I never would have known about this website if it weren't for you replying to her 8 month old post earlier in the day. Since I am the admin of Shelly's email account, I saw the message from HealthUnlocked and logged on. (Note: I had never looked in Shelly's email until she passed. We have a community property agreement following her death that allows me to do so.)
The affair subject is very hurtful to me because she had one 3.5 years ago and I never knew.
You see, Shelly did give me an out of the relationship, but I was never unfaithful. She even encouraged me to go out and "get it taken of" later in our relationship following the affair. I couldn't ever do that to her. We had a deal early in the marriage: No Sharing or it's over.
Her affair was a 2015, right as she had left her work to go on disability. The night she gave me the out of the relationship she explained that I never signed up to be a caregiver and I had the option to bail on her. I told her that I did sign up for it: Marriage. Also, I wanted to be with her.
Little did I know that earlier in the day she had already booked a vacation with her online lover, an old high school friend.
See, the vacation was staged and ready to happen! All I had to do was bail and they were going to go.
I was the last loose thread in the plan, yet I didn't bail and she had to cancel the vacation (or dump me.) Well, she didn't dump me and cancelled the vacation.
This online lover sent her dick and masturbation pics to her. Now I've seen them. (Ugh.) The funny thing is, Shelly was asexual. She did not like sex, as she has said in other replies on this site.
The other funny thing, she only opened one of his emails and not the other one. She thought penises were quite ugly to look at. I was the first to open the 2nd dick pic email 3.5 years after it was sent. Lucky me.
After she canceled the vacation on him and ended the affair, this guy threatened to move near us. She told him not to and he didn't. Could you imagine what might have happened if he did move near us? Again, I was clueless at the time.
At one point she declared this guy a 'stalker' to her coworkers and blocked him on Facebook. Again, I didn't know.
Later on after he begged her to talk to him, she re-friended him to help him with his depression, divorce, and surgeries. She had a big heart.
This guy turned out to be a real loser and taker. Shelly sent him some money that he never paid back like he promised. She asked him repeatedly to do so.
So, I feel like an F-ing moron who was betrayed by the woman I truly loved.
This was a woman who could not get over her own mother's affair, yet she had one. Her dad committed suicide after her mom cheated! She never forgave her mother for that and I'm having a hard time with it, too.
So yeah, I've been damn depressed over the last 2 months. Shelly was a liar and a cheat, but I suppose I have deal and get through it. (That was a hard sentence to write.) Mixed emotions about your dead wife sucks.
So the idea of Shelly giving support and advice in this forum to those who were cheated on.... Would that be hypocritical, ironic, both, or neither?
OHMY 😵
I feel very confused as to how I should feel for sending my email to her/you now. Did I opened up a wound that should've been left alone or did I let you open a door you had ever right to go through? I am sorry for hurting you it was never my intention. I am also sorry to hear you lost your wife. My husband and I now have access to each social media accounts we feel that way any time we want to look at each others we can. I look at his I don't think he ever looks at mine. I guess he thinks I'm boring! LoL! If you need to share we are all here for you I hope you have support from family and friends also. Best wish...
Sammylynn19, Please don't feel bad about your post that triggered the email. You had no idea and did nothing wrong.
In fact, I felt a lot better after dumping all of that emotional baggage into this forum. Personal stuff sucks, but being able to let it all out in an anonymous fashion has done me some good.
After some introspection I am starting to forgive Shelly. She was an extremely beautiful woman who was going to lose her looks and eventually pass away in the coming years. She got some attention from a high school admirer and took it.
Shelly was a straight arrow and being a little devious might have been a needed distraction for her. I know she loved me as she said so many times to me and in other topics on this website. I need to remember that always.
Though you saw me angry and hurt here, I will continue to honor her memory and cherish what we had. These events were 3.5 years ago and we had some wonderful times since then. (In fact, some times she was really nice to me above an beyond normal. I'm wondering if that was guilt manifesting itself in her actions. I'll never know, I suppose.)
The one thing I'd like to say to everyone: Talk to your partner before it is too late.
Shelly is gone and I miss her terribly. I have so many questions.
I can't even imagine every emotion your going through and it's only been a couple months so you have healing to do. My sister died from a brain aneurism in 2014 she was the age I am now. Her husband and two kids were so devastated that when I make contact online with the husband he won't answer me. He says it's to painful. I bought that the first two years but now I find it just rude! I lost a close sister and miss her dearly but to stop communication...IDK if it's because we look alike or the memories but after four years, it's hurtful and makes me wonder how bad he is doing. I think he has guilt for not taking her to hospital as they thought she had a routine migraine and no insurance. I know I would have thoughts of if I took her in would she still be here? I have had very small angry thoughts on why he didn't but I also know when it's our time, not much we can do.
Death and losing loved ones leaves marks on us for life for sure. Anytime you want to vent , drop a line.
Best wishes to you
I'm so sorry. Forgiveness is hard enough when the person you need to forgive is alive, but when they have passed it must be harder than I can even imagine.
It was me that wrote the original post and I am happy to say that my husband and I are still together. We are happier than before the affair because of hard work. I appreciate all the support I have received from my friends on this site.
Krissy
Good for you and your husband! Keep the lines of communication open and don't take anything for granted.
I do believe in my heart Shelly showed me true love after I chose to stay.
She worked really hard to keep me with her and to keep the affair hidden. After all, she had limited time and spending it fighting about this dumb affair would have been a waste. I can see that now. The time we had was precious.
Oh, my! So sorry! It's good that you're both going to counseling. From experience I can tell you, what you probably already know... be open & honest about what you're feeling! HE needs to hear you say the words. Also, know that his behavior & choices are NOT your fault! Don't allow him to make you & MS an excuse for his unacceptable & hurtful behavior. A trust has been broken--he needs to accept responsibility for that. Above & beyond all else...take care of yourself & do what makes YOU feel ok!
Wizardsmom, it's Fancy1959. I am so sorry for the additional stress this is caused in your life. It is not something that any of us with MS needs. To me, this entails emotional abuse and I agree with Jess that if you play along with this game it will eat you alive. Go to the counseling and see if it helps. Once that bridge has been crossed I'm not sure you can ever sure it up enough to totally depend on it. We are always just supposed away if you needs to talk to us ask questions from us, or just simply vent at us. Sometimes it just helps if you have someone to listen and you are able to talk things over and get them off your chest. We're here for that and I hope it helps.
I do not think you have been to us very long so I wanted to officially welcome you to this chat room. I just wished it was under better circumstances. But I wanted you to know that this chat room is full of caring, kind, compassionate people who you can ask questions from, vent concerns with, or simply talk to people who truly understand what you are going through. This chat room is a safe place and a great place to come with your concerns and questions to.
Make sure at some point you talk to Jimeka, our birthday club ambassador and give her your birthday so we can celebrate it with your new extended family. Take care until we speak again and remember we are only a post away.
I had a time in my marriage with similar problem. I empathize with your feelings of hurt. I was upset that my husband spent so much time talking to her (an old friend/girl friend from college. I felt betrayed. I wonder why and what he confided in her. It is not your fault or you shouldn’t think bad about yourself. My husband and I did go to counseling. With patience, hope, and forgiveness, we were able to restore our relationship. We receive much prayer and we talked/prayed together. To make the counseling and our conversations beneficial, we had to establish rules for the manner in which we communicated such as talk or converse nicely and respectfully (no yelling, no rude or hurtful words, stay on topic), especially at home as well as at our sessions. We still use some of these rules. And with much prayer, we are here today with a restored relationship. More in love and share everything with each other, without being hurtful, judgmental.....
I pray and hope you both will persevere, support and love each other. And work on ways to build your self esteem without looking at a physical mirror. But the beauty and kindness that is within your heart, soul and mind.
Good luck,
Keep the hope!
In several relationships I have had (friendship, my marriage, sibling or family relations etc...) I have experienced some type of communication break down or issue. And in most cases, they were worth the effort for reconciliation.
Keep the faith!
Thank you so much, I needed to hear all of that, especially the part about working on my self esteem. That always seems to be the hardest part. I really appreciate you reaching out to me.
I'm so sorry Wizardsmom
I wish I had some words of wisdom. I don't. All I know is, having a chronic degenerative illness sucks. And our spouses/partners also have to live with it too. Your entire life gets swallowed alive with the chronic illness. I think there is a grieving process for everyone involved. It's a hell of a lot harder then I ever imagined. I try to keep that in mind as far as my own husband goes, give him some grace, although it's hard, because I'm the one that's sick!! Sigh. I wish there was an easy answer but I think you have to go back to square one and reconnect on this new level as a couple.
I'm no help but I'm thinking of you and I hope you can work it out and grow from here 💜
p.s. I have tried to make more of an effort, for me. We go on dates and I bought some new lingerie. Part of the problem is I feel like a "patient" and it's hard to feel like a sexy woman. That has absolutely nothing to do with his emotional affair! It was NOT your fault an any level. But I have found that, for me alone, I need to try and feel like a woman again that has something to offer her husband and family (even if it usually feels like I offer very little now). That might go a little way to making you get back some self confidence ❤️
Thank you so much. It has been 6 months since I found out now and my husband and I are still hanging in there. We kiss, hold hands, and love each other more. I still doubt myself at times, but I try to remain patient and forgiving with him and myself. I really appreciate your input!
I didn't even notice it's been 6 months! It was at the top of my feed, sorry about that.
I am so very glad it's going well. My being sick has very much tested my own marriage. I try more when I feel better and I think my husband understands more when I'm not. Day by day I suppose!
I agree completely!
I am so sorry most men are dogs. I'm afraid of my man leaving me all the time because of the ms. I hope things get better for you and were all here for
I would like to echo all the thoughts here. I hope everything works out well for you. Big hugs🙏
Hugs
Think people should stop saying "I gave him or her that option." You really aren't that generous, you just wanted to hear him or her say "I'm with you." And then bringing it up with others in conversation repeatedly: "I gave him that option." That option was for that day ...spoken at that day and time. Everyone has a right to change their mind and past decisions. And if that person really felt like running out the door but instead said "I'm with you." Well, what did you expect to hear.
My husband had said he was in it with me for good. That's why the affair was so painful. I dont understand what your post meant. Should I take it to mean that anytime my husband says he's "in it" with me he really wants to run for the door? No, I will take him at face value and trust him.
We are doing amazingly well now, by the way.
Sorry Wizardsmom my reply wasn't directed to you personally. There were so many posting with "I gave him that option" that I lost track of whom to reply to. Even dear RIP Shelly. Glad to hear all is well with you and your spouse.
Maybe some posters gave their spouses "that option" during an argument. Just hard to picture someone being composed and saying that and expecting anything but "I'm with you." That's all.
I see what your talking about now...thanks.
I'm glad you understand my point. Sometimes I post things and readers don't quite get what my point is. PS I can't see what I'm typing until I stop and scroll down...a real P I A. PS To All: This site can become the "other" man or woman in your relationship, if your significant other is near give him or her your attention. Make time for them.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Vent when you need to we are here for you.
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