My MSAA Community
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So it really is a divorce

My husband informed me today that our marriage is done and over. I suppose this may be better than him waffling back and forth as he has been doing for the past while and me feeling yanked around. But I am heartbroken. We have never once had an argument in all our years together, just loads of fun. He said the MS is part of it.

So we are going to empty the house as quickly as possible and list it. I am mulling over buying an RV, packing up my two little doggies and just traveling to see my kids in other states and seeing some more of the country. I think I need to “re-find” me, even though I didn’t know I was lost! 😝 I hope you are all doing well. Sending love. Kelly xx

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I am so sorry 😐 to hear about this. Like you said it may be better than being misled. Some people just don’t know how to handle sickness of any kind 🤷🏼‍♂️. Lots are not very good at being a caregiver either so they bail🤨. Sounds like this is his problem not yours. I think that divorce is to easy nowadays, what happened to sickness and health 🤷🏼‍♂️. An RV and you’re dogs exploring and seeing your kids sounds like fun 😉. Stay positive and don’t blame your self 👍 Prayers are with you 🙏🐾. Ken

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I’m sorry to hear that. What ever you do think seriously don’t make a rash decision. Be careful. 🤞

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That’s awful news. I’m so sorry. I wish you great adventures!

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I don’t know what to say, except that I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself as you go through this stressful time. You are in my constant prayers.

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You are a very strong woman, yes it is best for you to know what is going on. Be careful in what you get rid of so that you don’t get rid of things and wish you hadn’t.

Keep strong and now that you know what direction you are going in I hope all will work out well for you.

Sandra

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I am so sorry! If my husband ever leaves me I would be tempted to join you in the RV. I do prefer cats though. I am so sorry you are going through this...don't know about the RV but visiting your kids sounds like a great idea.

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Oh Amore55, Kelly, my heart is bleeding from your loss right now. This news simply blows me away because for so many years it seemed like your husband was so steadfastly behind you with support and love no matter how much your symptoms went up and down. What can I do to help you in this time of uncertainty for you? I wished we live so much closer. I know you were talking about moving to Kentucky but I guess that's out now. Dear friend, sending you a hug and prayers through this electronic connection is simply not enough. I can only imagine what you're feeling right now during this time of grief, stress, and basically morning for a lost love that you had for so so many years. Please remember how close I am. 😢🛐💕☎️

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Oh Kelly....I am so sorry for what u are going through, I really am 🙄🙄🙄🙄. Sending squidy hugs and u can get through this and it probably is time to think about yourself first! 😎😎😎😎

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Are you well enough to drive? An RV is not very practical with your ms. Please as others have said,don’t make any rash decisions. Think of yourself, and long term. This is an opportunity to get set up in a comfortable home, with your two dogs, and make yourself comfortable. It is your husbands responsibility to make sure that you are taken care of, it’s him who wants the divorce, please keep us posted as to what you do. Take good care of yourself Kelly, be strong, and know that we are all behind you. Big hugs, love and friendship, prayers and blessings Jimeka 🤗 🌈

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Yes, listen to this advice!

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Big hugs to you Kelly 💕

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Sorry to hear about your bad news☹️. Wishing you the best in whatever you decide to do and good luck.

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Amore55 I'm so very sorry for the bad news. As others have said, don't make any rash decisions. Take your time to think/plan out what your next move will be. Thinking of you.

Jessie

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Hi Kelly, I am so heartbroken to hear of what is going on with your husband. You shall be in my thoughts and prayers. I would like to mention that after needing to liqudate my home and acreage, due to being unable to keep it up and financial issues as well. I bought a diesel pickup and a fifthwheel travel trailer. I have been living the RV life (referred to as a full timer) for the past 2 years. I guess in one happy camper, well sometimes, not so much. I really miss my home, I had 4 acres on the very edge of town. Most of all, I had many hummingbird feeders up. Actually had 13 large feeders, it was a hummingbird sanctuary of sorts. My last fall season at my home, I caculted the average amount of food a hummingbird consumes in a day to how much i was going through. I was hosting somewhere around 2500 to 3000 different hummingbirds every day during the fall migration. This year I put one up on the back of my travel trailer for the first time since my move. I just hadn't had the strength to keep it filled and cleaned before this season. I have lots of them visiting now. Anyhow, before you make a desicison on the RV life, please talk to me. There are a few things I wish I would have known before I made the choice. Not that I would have changed my decision, just a couple things to think about, because it keeps me busy. Which is kinda a good thing, but at the same time sometimes it's really hard to keep up. I know your dealing with a lot but maybe we could chat prior to making that leap so you have an idea on some of the tougher stuff.

Thoughts and Prayers,

Allen

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Allen I cannot imagine how much you must miss you homestead and your feathered friends. I will absolutely talk to you before I make any RV decision. My one daughter is dead set against it. I will make careful decisions. Thank you for you friendship and to everyone who commented. I love you all. Kelly xx

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I'm sorry to hear about your lost homestead. I have just under 2 acres at the edge of town. We are down to just pets in the field and I depend on my 13 year old and husband to make sure they are fed when I can't. My mom harasses me constantly about getting rid of everything but she's leaving something out of her thought process - I love them. I love having them and seeing them. Half of me wants to buy a place back in the woods, I was so happy there but I think that ship has sailed, I have too many doctors and there are times I can't drive and I worry about if there comes a time I have to give up my license and need to depend on others (ugh ugh ugh!).

I'm glad you were able to put up a hummingbird feeder. I started collecting feeders a few years ago when I couldn't make it out to see all my animals. I now have a big collection coming to my little back yard and I love watching them, even on days I can't make it too far from my chair, they are there.

Being sick is depressing as hell. We need to make bright spots wherever we can.

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I don't even know what to say Amore55 except.. kick his butt out now! ☺ He wants it, tell him to pay for it 🤗💕

Keep your chin up, You are Stronger than This!

🤗💕

J🌠

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I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say but this is the best I can come up with.

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Amore55 i kinda feel your pain but no one really does but you.We all are right beside you like angel wings.I see your plan and ya know it sure sounds good.Your kids are such a blessing usually and parking your home and pups may give you the rest you need and deserve.....a stipulation that he has to carry insurance etc....well give me a chat if you want or need some of that kind of idea.Because i raised kids, partially my career he had to carry insurance etc....talk to someone... better wishes...

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So sorry to hear this bad news Kelly. I don’t know what gets into people’s mind. After so many years just up and go.

Be strong and make the best of it. Sounds like you’re already thinking of ways to entertain yourself and that’s a good thing. Just let his loss be your gain and take advantage of it.

Praying all goes well for you.

Remember anytime you need anything we are here for you.

God bless

Donnie

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Kelly, I am so sorry. I will PM you my cell number if you want to talk. I am on the road this week so the house phone won't work unless you would like to speak to my sister. :-)

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Sorry this is happening to you. 20 years ago my wife pulled the same stunt on me. Whatever happened for better or worse. They seem to forget that bit when it is no longer convenient.

I can just say stand tall this may be an unexpected bend, but you have strength and are better than that, Stand tall we are with you and sadly some of us know exactly what you are going through.

Bend my friend, bend far but do not break. You are better than that, BEND but NEVER BREAK.

YOU are in my thoughts stay strong and true to yourself,

Royce

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I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you find you again. Life has so much to offer. An RV sounds like fun. You can go anywhere and explore. ❤🌷

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Amore55 Dear Kelly, With the help of family, friends and the forum, you will be sure to find your way in this very difficult time. Jesmcd2 posted a picture of the tree outside her window. She sees it every day, in every season, in every sort of weather, good and bad. Think of how a late spring frost will turn new leaves from green to black, or how an early snowstorm will bend summer's growth, and how the winds of any season will lash the tree, causing the top to sway and branches to snap and fall to earth. Only the very worst storm will uproot a tree. As you go through the coming months and years, think of the resiliency you have shown already! MS hasn't brought you down. You are still strong, still rooted, still reaching out to others. Divorce is a storm which many of us have weathered. We have been twisted and bent and lost some part of ourselves, but we are still standing, still strong, still growing in new ways. We are here when you need to be heard. We will listen and send you our varied messages of faith and love. Stand tall!

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I'm so sorry to hear this. I wonder sometimes about this. I've been married since I was 18 and I know my husband loves me but I can no longer be a full partner, I can't do the things he can do and I can't contribute even half what I use too. "in sickness and health" but the reality is a whole other ball of wax.

My friends husband left and divorced her when she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. It has already come back in under 6 months of maintenance treatment, she's officially divorced now. I want to strangle him, I don't understand how he could leave his sick wife, when in reality her life expectancy is under 5 years.

I'll be thinking of you. I'm on this board and the RA board and it feels like I've been seeing a lot of these posts, of husbands leaving their wives, in part due to their chronic illness. I hope you can come through it to the other side with a "new you" - now you can only think of yourself, what is best for you that day, and I hope you can find some silver lining in there. Hugs to you!

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I’m so sorry. I don’t know you well enough to offer any advice and I can’t imagine what you are going through. Part of me is pissed that someone would leave you because of a disease. I find that despicable. I wish you well in this next phase of life. Find peace in it and joy whenever you can.

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Aww, sorry you are going through this Kelly 😘 Keep moving forward.

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Amore55 all I can do is add my empathy to the thoughts others have written. If he is going to leave perhaps it is better now while you are doing well enough to even think about going RVing. (You rock, girl!!!) We will be here for you, no matter what.

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Amore55, I am so sorry to hear this sad news. Some partners in a marriage are simply not equipped to handle the "for worse" part. I can't believe that he said that the MS was part of it. I guess if he really feels that way he is no support to you and you are probably better off without him, because if he can't be with you through this then he will only be a millstone around your neck. I know that I sound harsh, but even though my husband, like all significant others in our lives, doesn't always get it, he would never consider leaving because it is a lot to put up with. So nurse your broken heart as best you can, and move on to live your dream. There's an awful lot to see in this diverse country, and you can spend lots of time with your kids. And when you set yourself free, I am sure that you will discover a great and strong person who is now a free spirit and can do anything that she wants to do! Good luck and safe travels, not only on the road but on your new journey of self-discovery. Love, Sukie427

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I am very sorry for what you are going through. Just know that this is his weakness, not yours! I believe that in the long run you will be happier and more settled within yourself when all is done. I think the waffling back and forth would be much harder! The best wishes are sent your way.

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Sorry to hear about your divorce,it is a painful thing but you have to be stong ,mariage has never been for fun days only.Ms wasnt a choice for us. Mariage relationship is during good and bad times for both parties.Wish you best of luck.

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Many of us that have a chronic disease shudder when they hear of situations like this. Always in the back of my mind is the thought of this happening to ME, even though we have had a good marriage for the past 37 years. Still, my stomach clenches to hear of yet another MS'er going through this!

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I hope you are ok....sympathise.

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Try a Marriage Counselor first to see if divorce is the only or best option.

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