Divorce?

[Sandydemop]

Hi all, I wasn’t going to bring this up but I see some of you have experience. I have thought about leaving my marriage but worry about supporting myself and what if I should need help due to MS? Please share how you have dealt with very difficult/ emotionally unavailable/ less than supportive husbands

[BlanketTime1]

no clue, but sending you🤗🤗

[Sandydemop in reply to BlanketTime1]

Thanks BlanketTime1

[NanaCC]

That’s a tough one but certainly not unusual. Take it from me stress is our enemy. Which is more stressful living in an unhappy marriage or being alone? Happiness is like gold find some outside help, give counseling a try but in the end you are what matters. Too many people live unhappily you deserve happiness. Good luck and god bless, praying for inner peace.

[Kenu in reply to NanaCC]

Great advice NanaCC 👍🐾🐾Ken

[Sandydemop in reply to NanaCC]

thanks NanaCC which is less stressful? so far staying is less stressful than the unknown.

[Humbrd]

Sounds like you're going through a lot. Sorry I can't help you with that because I have no good advice at this moment. Best of luck to you with your situation. If it will be very hard financially on your own think a lot about that. Sometimes when there's a will there's a way, whether you stay or not. But think of a good game plan first.

[Sandydemop in reply to Humbrd]

thanks Humbrd It doesn't feel urgent most of the time. I can live with it. But there's that quality of life issue. anyway thanks for your support.

[twooldcrows]

take care of yourself and be safe....

[Sandydemop in reply to twooldcrows]

thanks twooldcrows

[JSSimp]

Prayer works and believing daily things will get better🙏🏾

[Sandydemop in reply to JSSimp]

thanks JSSimp please keep me in your prayers.

[kwhompus]

Sorry to hear of your situation. We have some government run agencies in our area that will help those in need. One will even clean our house. with luck and a little research you may find some help if ever needed.

[palomino27]

My wife and I got a divorce last year. She is actually the one who left saying, "I just can't do it anymore".😕 I've read 75% of marriages for the disabled end in divorce. She was a Ph.d in theology too. Teaches Catholic priests of all things🙃. I'm not going to lie, it hasn't always been easy, but so much less stressful without her around. It's tough because I, at least, felt like I had no power in the relationship. Like I was lucky she was there, which I guess was true, but not in the way it was going down. Could never live up to her standards of how I was handling my disability and I did so much to take ALL the pressure off her, which was never enough.I met my wife 4 months after I was diagnosed with MS. I could still walk alot. We walled 5 miles by the lake our first date. 8 years later I'm in a power wheelchair. And, I think she just didn't think it thru.... Family full of doctors and nurses too....

Mostly good has come out of it ending.

But, I would find a good counselor for you now, regardless. Then maybe couples counseling too if you decide it's worth trying to save.

[Sandydemop in reply to palomino27]

thanks palomino27 a theme i'm hearing is get counseling. I have been in therapy and i have an appt. with my husband's psych next week.

[RoyceNewton]

would divorce really be a solution to your problems? If it would you think, talk to a counselor first and really analyze your options. Good luck either way.

[Sandydemop in reply to RoyceNewton]

thanks RoyceNewton @

[TonyiaR7]

This pandemic has placed much stress on many relationships. We had our rough patches about 20 years ago but counseling and prayer worked. We had to learn how to communicate better, (including the best time of day to have discussions, language and tone used …), how to be kind, honest, trust and sensitive to each other and ourselves. We did need an independent mediator to get us over hurdles. However, we loved each other and wanted our marriage and relationship to work. We always were good friends. Divorce or even temporary separation are big decisions.

[Sandydemop in reply to TonyiaR7]

thanks TonyiaR7 for sharing your experience with me/us. Happy to hear you were able to work it out.

[IFwczs]

I wanted to get a divorce a couple of years ago. It turned out I had mercury poisoning (that in addition to MS) and was seriously depressed. Now it just sounds stupid, but I was convinced of my position being the only right choice back then.

Make sure this decision is not a consequence of your disease but a reality. This is none of my business but how long have you been married? Do you have children? Have you discussed it? What are your friends saying? And whatever you do, don't jump into it.

[Sandydemop in reply to IFwczs]

hi IFwczs thanks very much. i have been married 26 years. son is 25. My friends said i should have left a long time ago but i didn't want to break up the family when my son was young. then MS came into the picture.

[IFwczs]

If you have wanted to leave for a long time, now is the time to do it. We are going through very tough times as a civilization, and you need someone by your side to be able to rely on. Plus the older we get, the tougher it will be. Can your friends and/or son help you with everyday chores? Now is the time to think practically and strategically.

[Sandydemop in reply to IFwczs]

My husband's home health aide helps with chores. i get groceries delivered. doing what i can. thanks for your good wishes. IFwczs 🙏

[IFwczs in reply to Sandydemop]

Develop a strategy. Good luck, and keep us posted.

[Sandydemop in reply to IFwczs]

thank you so much. Right now i am staying still. sticking my toes in the pool by talking about it.

[Royjr in reply to Sandydemop]

That’s good, talking things out is way better than holding it in. Good luck on your situation and I’m praying for you, just like the others.

[Sandydemop in reply to Royjr]

thanks Royjr all prayers are welcome and appreciated. I have a friend who would pray for Gd to strengthen her desire if it was meant to be or take away her desire if it was not supposed to happen. I will ask Gd the same.

[kycmary]

Sorry Sandydemop I will pray for you both.

[Sandydemop in reply to kycmary]

thanks kycmary all prayers are appreciated.

[kdali]

🙏🙏🙏

[pamgarner]

this is one of those times you can be 100% selfish.we have all got to take care of our mental health,physical health,emotional health.do some soul searching and question what will make you happy.it can be accomplished with or without ms. where there is a will there is a way.best to you👍you go girl

[Sandydemop in reply to pamgarner]

thanks pamgarner still not sure what is the best decision but glad i was able to bring it up and vent. If i didn't have MS and could support myself i probably would have left years ago. But here we are. I do have MS. that will be part of the decision. You all are much appreciated.