ms, Do not ask WHY, ask HOW: msERS, good... - My MSAA Community

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ms, Do not ask WHY, ask HOW


msERS, good morning. As YOU sit there in your misery, anger, or any other emotion, my suggestion is to stop asking yourself WHY me and its various variations on your current medical condition. I would very politely suggest to YOU that the more constructive question is HOW.

HOW, do I live with this?

HOW, do I control this?

HOW, do I cure this? NOBODY CAN STOP LOOKING. That only causes real emotional pain and drains your wallet.

HOW, do I continue living a productive long and happy life?

HOW?, You can make your own questions but YOU do see my point don't YOU.

WHY is very easy and I will give YOU the answer. I have found easiest to cope with. BECAUSE just plain simple BECAUSE. This is a human condition, YOU, my friend are human, so your answer is BECAUSE, This never takes away from YOU LEARNING about your ms, but it eases maybe a little emotional pain and anguish and frustration looking for an answer as to WHY me.

This condition takes away your energy, your will your strength. Do YOU think the best use of what little energy YOU have is to waste it on negativity and essentially pointless questioning? After 20 years my thought is NO. A much better use of my energy would be to exercise, to learn everything I can, about diet, exercise techniques, disability aids, meditation and things like that. YOU understand, things that will help me, make my mslife easier.

As YOU are trying to come to terms with your new found companion, let me make one or two suggestions to YOU. ms is the illness it is part of my life. Dreadfully inconvenient but there none the less. I am very much aware of it, especially at 3 am when it is doing everything that it can to make me take more Oxycontin, but it does not rule me. Therefore it is small letters ms, YOU are important to me. Hence capital YOU. Very silly I understand, but a coping mechanism. What is important to me gets capitals, YOU my joint DOG, the LOVE OF MY LIFE. ms, well yeah whatever. A very simple coping mechanism. It works for me, maybe it can help YOU as well.

Do YOU see what I am saying, do YOU hear my voice can YOU UNDERSTAND? LEARN THINGS, really odd things. Give your brain work to do. Make new pathways, as ms eats YOU. Rebuild with new pathways. YOU can no longer run, then walk in a heel to toe style, anything to keep your brain working. Learn about Neuroplasticity. What YOU say, google it, LEARN. Can YOU speak French or Spanish? Might be good fun to try for a week or two. YOU are just tired all the time, I understand. Why do YOU not start teaching your child some things, learn together, be a little creative with your life. Make it a life well lived, write your own glorious memorial.

In the end, we ALL lose, everybody. YOU like me will not get a statue in the park, but YOU will make memories for your family. Make those the best memories for them that YOU possibly can.

Just because YOU are disabled does not ever mean that YOU are useless, or any other negative word that YOU can think of. Look in that mirror and just say " I CAN,I WILL, I DO, and then I DID. YES, YOU DID,, took a while had to change it a few times but YES YOU DID. Remember to be like bamboo, bend when YOU need to but bounce back and stand TALL.

Another silly thing I once tried was brushing my teeth with the other hand. Frustrating and very messy but it gave my brain something new to learn. Very cheap as well, I was going to do it anyway. Always keep looking for that different way to do things,


NOT any type of doctor or therapist. Just me giving YOU a suggestion or two

15 Replies

I agree! Thank you for sharing this encouraging message. We all can find grit, resilience, and hardiness in ourselves.

Hey RoyceNewton,

Well said.

That is life and trust me, whatever you do, no one gets out alive! So, make the best of what ever life gives you!

Keep smiling,

Carole :-D

Awesum advuce again mate! Thanks we Can DO It!👍Blessings---Jazmine

Thank you

Thank you Royce for stimulating my mind and thought process. You’re reads are intriguing and mindful of all of us. 👍🙏🐾😉Ken

Thank you

Great post RoyceNewton! Neuro plasticity is one reason I think I’m doing ok 19 years after diagnosis.

great, 19 years YOU cannot be too far behind me.

As always Royce, you get my mind working a mile a minute and I appreciate every post from you. You are a great writer and I think you know what the newly diagnosed need to hear but also those of us who are at the 5 or 10 or even the 15 year mark.

I enjoy your posts because they really make me look deeper inside myself and that has been a challenge my whole adult life.

Thank you again for bringing me to a place I needed to be but didn't know I needed it until I read your post.

You need to write a book about your adventures with ms and the people you met along the way, even if you only met them here.

You are great at getting people to share their feelings but I think your best asset is that you are witty and not afraid to talk about the hard stuff. I raise my glass to you!

in reply to MaggieT1

I couldn't agree more! I'm at the 22 year mark and find Royce's words to be so meaningful and encouraging...

wow I am humbled thank you vey much

I already know the WHY. My inheritance of MS is a family jewel, and I'm the one member of my generation to have it. My dad and three of his sisters had it! But when I look at the variety of other autoimmune diseases that other family members have, I think I'll stick with MS! Better the devil you know, as they say!

in reply to LeannEHl

I used to be the Executive Director of Security and Risk Management for one of the largest Casino/Hospitality groups in NV.

I sat in on a class one of Managing Directors was giving regarding employee conduct and courtesy towards each other. Mind you, this was over 15 years ago but it has always stuck with me and I have used it myself hundreds of times. His comment was very simple: "If we all took our problems and threw them in a pile in the middle of the room, every one of us would take our own problem back”

I have thought about this many times and I have to admit that he is probably correct.

So, it's just something to think about.

This reminds me in a weird way about a line from Seinfeld. There is no point in asking why ms attacks some people- “It just DOES!”

I remember my brother in law snidely saying “so why did you get ms?”. They aren’t really sure what causes it I said. “Who is they?” He said with a laugh. That was the extent of his interest in 2003, although I had been diagnosed in 1999. Why are some family members lacking in empathy and compassion? I wonder if “THEY” know.

I have a brother just like that.

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