Cheating ocd

[Ocdli]

So I have been with my partner for 3 years. I have never cheated in this or other relationships but I get theese "What if " thoughts and hang ups on things I might have said or done. Before I always confessed this and this but after starting therapy I realised that the confessions to my partner was a compulsion. I would confess, feel relief and after a while a new thing came up.

I have tried so hard to stop and I have but now I don't get relief, only suffering! Now I got this thought "What if I visited some of my exes Facebook or someone I was interested before in during our relationship? I feel so bad if I did but I also know that if I did it had nothing to do with me being interested, I am just a curious person by nature and do those kind of things automatically. But I don't know if this is an OCD thought. Or if I'm a bad person who deserves to be abandoned.

I love my partner, no one else and I have no doubts about that. My partner has also told me that as long as I didn't do anything physically or have contact with someone behind his back I did nothing wrong. And I never did that. But this thought is eating me. It's like glue.

[Light21]

Ocdli,

But I don't know if this is an OCD thought. Or if I'm a bad person who deserves to be abandoned.

No you are not a bad person who deserves to be abandoned. I do think it is probably an ocd thought. I think this because you are what if I do this, what if I go look at an ex boyfriends FB page.

Just looking at someone’s FB page is not a bad thing if that’s all you want to do. So please don’t beat yourself up about this.

Do what you need to do for you.

Hugs

😊

[deValentin]

I understand your predicament. "I know I did nothing wrong, but what if I did?" This sticky thought is typical of moral scrupulosity OCD. When this kind of thoughts plague you, remember one thing: everything is possible, but some things are more probable than others.

OCD makes you doubt everything. Maybe my intentions were reprehensible when I visited some of my exes Facebook or someone I was interested before in during our relationship. Maybe my curiosity was wrong. Maybe it's my OCD that makes me think like that. Maybe it's my normal conscience and I'm a bad person who deserves to be abandoned.

There is no end to those doubts. However, you may think that by tormenting yourself on that issue you may find some answers that will appease your mind. Maybe, but you may never find absolute certainty in that regard, and you may ruin your relationship and the rest of your life because of it.

The solution is to stop arguing with those doubts. Just acknowledge them. This being said, think about what's probable. If you stop dwelling on those thoughts and do things that are good for your self-esteem and your current relationship, it's probable that those unwanted thoughts will weaken. The key is to stop believing what's unlikely (I'm an irremediably bad person; torturing my mind is helpful) and start believing what's likely (I'm not perfect, but if I set worthy goals, my outlook in life will brighten). Success breeds success.