I've been ruminating in the issues about the things I did when I was teenager. I ruminated about these before but now I am starting to ruminate on the mistakes both old and recent I did... again even after doing fine for a while
However one thing that is bothering me right now is trying to remember the details of one (or how old I was at the time, what year, etc) and the fact that I don't know these details other than remembering that it actually happened really has put me into a downward spiral. Stack that up about some of the mistakes from more recent years that really has nothing to do with it. This memory popped up a year ago when I started remembering some of the things I did in the past. I am in my early 20s right now and it brings me guilt, and I have been unable to move on... Add that to other things I did last year and this year is writing down on me immensely
These issues made me question if I even had OCD anymore, I am so so lost... So much to address and explain is so overwhelming...
7 Replies
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I have been participating in the online IOCDF conference today (it's going on tomorrow & Sunday too). They have been talking a lot about self-compassion & mindful self-compassion and "making a place for pain to land." If you can attend the IOCDF conference I think it might be really helpful. Or look at a website that was recommended: mindfulcompassion.com. We are all very hard on ourselves, not the way we would be to friends. You can sign up for the conference on this website. Try it. You will see hundreds and hundreds of other people with the same struggles. I also remember telling my therapist that I wasn't sure I really had OCD and I think that is a normal feeling if you have the "doubting disease."
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I don't know how it can help? I've been trying to move on from a mistake of me attempting a really awful act back when I was younger.
What has been getting me frustrated is the fact that I don't seem to remember how long ago this happened. It feels like it happened long ago but at the time it feels like it happened more recently... (Like two years ago kind of event) and it is eating me alive mentally because I am unable to be 100% sure... I spent time somewhat tracing my steps to no avail and I am aware of how pointless it seems but... I just can't forgive and move on...
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I totally feel you. I did something mean to someone when I was 19 and obsessed about it for many years, before my diagnosis. When there's doubt or uncertainty involved, it makes it even worse. What would you tell a good friend who told you the same story? Sending hugs!!!
everybody have shit they regret EVERYBODY so cut your self a break for a kickoff ...trying to remember aint gonna change anything except keep this horrible illness busy ....take it from me ocd will keep asking questions .thats what it does ..so dont answer yhem .yeah I know its sooooo hard .but practice it and u will get more pease than going along with it .
I have real event ocd. I am much older than you. The therapy is to stop all reviewing, all figuring,, out, all reassurance. anthing you do to releive the anxiety and guilt. My context is horriffic to me. I have had to be very creative at doing exposures. script writings dont work for me. so i do things in real time. and resist all rituals. It dosent matter what the content is. Our ocd blows it out of porportion. If you want to write furthur i will respond furthur.👍👍
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