my girlfriend said a joke and I need reassurance from her that she was just kidding. Should I just ask

[lavender514]

Last night my girlfriend and I were messing around about things we'd do for a million dollars. She said that she'd become a stripper for a million dollars. We laughed but then the thought came 'Maybe she is serious about that and is not joking'. It grew from a small doubt and right now it is so huge I can barely focus on anything that I am doing. I just feel so worried that she was not kidding.

But I know she was definitely joking, I've known her for so long and I know she is not a person to become a stripper for any amount of money. She is not that kind of person. But, it feels like there is a 1% chance it might be true and I can't risk that.

I would just ask her if she was joking last night, but I'm afraid it may upset her as she may feel hurt that I actually considered that she was serious about becoming a stripper. So, I am terrified of asking her too.

I need some tips/encouragement pls I feel so horrible sitting with it.

[deValentin]

The question comes to, how to build and maintain trust in a relationship? The answer is, with time and good experiences. It's the same with mushrooms, for instance. If you gathered some knowledge and never fell sick after eating mushrooms, you can trust yourself in that regard for good reasons.

Of course, people who require absolute guarantees to have peace of mind never develop any trust. It takes a leap of faith to rely on something in this sometimes-uncertain world. If by chance the worst-case scenario does happen, it's not the end of the world because you chose the best course of action given the information available at the time. Overall, I prefer to be a reasonably trusting and unlucky person than an overly suspicious and lucky person. It's a matter of quality of life.

Also, one needs to reasonably trust one's judgment in order to be able to reasonably trust others.

[Sallyskins]

I'm not defending stripping as a employment opportunity. I think it's sleazy and exploitative. But really would it be so bad if she did it? Or if she had been a stripper, surely you wouldn't lose your esteem or love for her?

I'm a life model. That's means I take my clothes off and model for art classes and art groups. Some people think that's a bit 'off' - not something a nice girl should do. But art students need to learn to draw, and artists like to practise. And the body is good practice for drawing and painting. It's not degrading to me or them and it's not sleazy. It's not a sexual threat to any relationship I have or might have.

So consider what would happen if your girlfriend really did strip for a living, or a bet, or something like that. Surely it wouldn't be a threat to your relationship. It's not as though she would be being unfaithful, either with her mind or her body.

Think of it that way, and you will neutralize the fear that she might become a stripper. Recognize it for what it is - a paper tiger. And then accept that it's highly unlikely she would be tempted for any amount of money.

[80_Zil_ian]

Of course, taking a joke too seriously and feeling the need to be sure of everything can be a form of OCD, but I think you have been too hard on yourself… In my opinion, this kind of joke is her mistake, not yours for not getting along with it. Some people don’t accept sexual or cheating jokes within a relationship, and that’s completely fine. If you don’t make this kind of joke with her, it’s not cool for her to do it with you, in my opinion. Everybody makes mistakes, but if you didn’t like it, you should let her know.

Don’t accept things you don’t like just to appear mature, and if you have an OCD diagnosis, she should know and respect your limits.

What I’m trying to say is: Yes, if you’re ruminating about this event too much, that’s your problem. But on the other hand, if certain kinds of jokes are not acceptable to you (and believe me, they wouldn’t be for many people either), let her know your limits.