I’ve had mostly every subtype of ocd and the one that’s never really plagued me is harm ocd and must I say it’s the worse,
It’s making me question whether it’s true or actually ocd, I’ve been getting really bad depression to the point where I I think life is pointless, and now I keep thinking I’m going to harm my family I’m so scared my brother is moving a way and I’ve convinced my self that I’m going to hurt him before he can even go and I’m so scared I don’t want to and I don’t want this thoughts I’m trying to think of an escape route to avoid it but I don’t have one.
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Danzdanz123
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I know how you feel. I have harm OCD too, and a lot of my thoughts have centered around harming my family.
Before a special event, like Xmas or thanksgiving, sometime when some members of my family will be here, I think "now", that if I don't do a compulsion (usually a mental one), that I will harm them when they're here or that something will happen to them (because of my own thoughts), sometime between the day they will be here and the time in between. It could be a year from "now", and I worry that when that year comes, I'll do something to them if I don't get a compulsion right, "now".
And even though my sister lives in another state, I worry that when or if she comes to visit, I'll do something to her or her family or something will happen to them (through my own thoughts) if I don't get a compulsion "right" (in my mind), that makes me "know" I won't do anything. But, even when I get the compulsion right and think everything will be okay, the fear happens again and again, and every time, I have to do a compulsion to feel like I won't hurt them or any member of my family.
OCD latches on to what we think is important (people or maybe things), and we believe that if we don't do a compulsion, something bad will happen to them/those things.
It's gone so far as me thinking and being afraid that if I did do something, I would be in trouble with the law and I wouldn't be able to explain "why" I did it, therefore have no way to try to "defend" myself. That fear was a big one.
When you have these harmful thoughts, it is probably because you love your brother so much and know he's really special to you. You might be thinking that you don't want anything to happen to him while he's away, so you feel you have to do compulsions to keep him "safe". Or maybe because his leaving might be something special to him, and you don't want anything to make it not special. If you don't do a compulsion, maybe you think he won't enjoy his time, and you want him to, if that's something he would like.
It doesn't seem to have only one aspect of why you/I might be worried that we might harm someone, at least not for me.
I tried to explain this the best way I can. I know some of this might not make sense, but it is hard for me to go back to when I had these harmful thoughts, a lot. I'm trying to think what I was feeling at those times, and it's not all clear. So, I'm sorry if this is hard to follow.
Yes this similar to me however I don’t really know what my compulsion is I think it might be telling people mines more ruminations around how maybe it’s not ocd and it’s real so I’ll tie it to any past event. I think it’s because it will be a big change i lost my grandma who I was very close to and she was ny stability so like I’m getting intrusive thoughts that cause she’s gone I don’t know who I am anymore and could deep down be a bad person or that I’ll go insane loose touch with reality nd hurt people and then wake up and have to suffer with my consequences. I love my brother very much and I’m happy he’s doing something for himself im so use to it being me fleeing the nest as well so I keep thinking that now I’ll be the failure and then the intrusive thoughts kick in saying that I I’ll be too jealous and hurt him, but I’m not jealous not that I think I want the best for my family I want them all to have a happy life ocd sucks. I’m in this cycle of panic attacks nd anxiety and it switches from one thing to another, at first it was existential dread tht hit me out of nowhere and then dying and then a mixture of everything and I think it might have been triggered when the doctor asked me if I felt like I wanted to harm people or was hearing voices. I was at my sisters and the anxiety was so bad that it turned into adgitation and then I got the thought what if it becomes so unbearable you hurt people. I told my sister as she had it in her teens (I don’t remember this) she told me that it was so bad that I grabbed hold of her really tight and said if you were going to hurt us I’d stop you because I’m stronger she said I helped her alot and I don’t remember most of it. But last week she passed me some scissors and was like here you go do it if you were going to do it you would have done it, I didn’t like it and don’t know if it helped because then I had a thought that I wanted to do it but just didn’t and it made me feel worse.
The fact that you didn't hurt your sister is a positive thing. No matter what your thoughts were, even that you felt you wanted to hurt her, you didn't. Your thoughts are not who you are. It is OCD making you believe you want to do something. Maybe think about this question: do you think you are a person who would want to do anything like that? I'm sure you're not, so it is OCD no matter what. It is going against what you believe about yourself. If you're questioning it, then it is not you and you won't act on your thoughts. OCD lies and "tells" you things that it wants you to believe. But, if you are a good, moral person, don't worry about these thoughts. Like I mentioned, you are not your OCD.
This very true it’s really hard to come out if it when it feels so real but I’m not a violent person at all even when I’m angry I don’t have the urge to attack someone, when I was a child and young teen I use to have anger issues and fight my siblings and I use to feel awful after, I grew out of that Thankfully and it wasn’t a regular thing. There were a family fight after my gran died and my mum and auntie had a fight I tried to split it up but the fear in my body tht my mum was getting hurt was awful. My mum Infact that night slapped me in my face because I was telling her how disrespectful it was that that happened and I didn’t hit back. Ocd is a horrible thing to suffer with.
I had anger issues in the past, too. When I was younger, I actually was violent to some degree-just once pretty bad. But I have felt bad about it for a long time and can't believe I even did "it". That violent part is over now. I do have anger issues, still, but I would never do again what I had.
You are very right when you say OCD is horrible to live with. It's been a big part of my life since I was 15, now 48.
I think it is all passed trauma, it’s something r have overcome if we were bad people we would enjoy doing it! Yeh that’s a very long time. I think I’ve had it since I was a little girl but it’s got more severe over time! What’s the worst is having depersonalisation with it too super scary.
Thank you I’m glad you are able to manage it lot better gives you some peace 🙂
Hi, I am sorry you a struggling. Are you seeing a therapist if so I would definitely reach out to let him know about these particular thoughts.? Can I ask you if you would act on these thoughts most importantly or have a,thought out plan.
OCD tries to make us think we will act on an intrusive thought and do something that goes against our values. A lot of what if thinking is involved. The more we engage with the OCD bully, the further down the rabbit hole we go. Attaching meaning to these intrusive thoughts fuels the OCD. Thoughts are just thoughts, they don’t equal intention or action.
I have had harm OCD for fourteen years. I have been to therapy and tried every medication out there. Nothing seemed to help. About a year ago my psychiatrist had to abruptly retire due to his own health issues, so I had to find a new psychiatrist. My new doctor took me off of everything I was on and prescribed me Luvox which I had never taken before. It has been like night and day. Prettiest much all of my symptoms are gone. Harm OCD is very debilitating. I just wanted to share with you what helped me after a long struggle. I pray you find relief and peace soon. There is hope.
what I do is - I remember my values! I remember I am a peaceful person- I hate violence. And these are just thoughts- random misfiring in the head - repetitive. But they are not who I am! They are not in line with my values- which is I love animals I love my family I love the environment… also try attention therapy . Put on two or three noises… like for example sound of rain on YouTube on one side of room and air purifier on other side of room. For example. And for like 20 minutes shift your attention from from one sound to another. Like you hear both but focus on air purifier for 3 minutes then shift to the rain sounds and back and forth. Now I don’t know if it will help you but has helped me!!! Your thoughts are not you .
Thank you I will what it’s doing at the moment is tricking me into think I’ll do it as a compulsion and I’m not like thinking about what if there’s bad people with ocd that do bad compulsions, so scary.
I also swear to god that I’m not going to do ocd for the rest of today or tomorrow. Except like the minimal tick in a very specific situation. And the fear of breaking my promise is larger than if i don’t do the compulsion or the ocd when it comes swinging. Like I say I swear to god I’m not going to do ocd for the rest of today and tomorrow. Exception- I pass graveyard and I can say a prayer for them but it can’t be specific or lengthy. And exception if I see an ambulance I can say I hope they will be ok but I cannot get into an elongated speech. Anything else I swear to god I cannot do. For two days . And before that time is up I swear to god for another two days . That’s just keeping me at bay though not really curing me you know? The attention therapy to sounds helps alot.
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