HARM TOC

[vencedora]

É normal quem tem TOC ter pensamentos suicidas e homicidas com quem mais amamos? Sofro demais com tais pensamentos, sinto uma angustia que me devora.

[deValentin]

I'd like to respond to your message. Unfortunately, I don't speak Portuguese. Is it possible to write it in English? Don't worry about making mistakes. My English isn't perfect either.

[vencedora in reply to deValentin]

Is it part of someone with OCD to have suicidal and homicidal thoughts about those we love most? My only symptoms are these and I suffer too much with these thoughts, I feel an anguish that devours me.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to vencedora]

Yes. these can be themes of OCD. OCD can attack anything a person values and the person ends up trying to seek certainty about it. The thoughts, urges or images are ego-dystonic which means they go against your values which is what makes them distressing. The good news is that thoughts don’t equal actions. They’re just thoughts.

[vencedora in reply to Natureloverpeace]

I try to fix it in my memory, which are just thoughts, I think that's why they always appear because I want to get rid of them so much.

[deValentin in reply to vencedora]

Harm OCD is the obsessional fear of causing harm to self or loved ones. It's not based on evidence or common sense. Because we think it's possible and we don't trust ourselves, then we think it's probable. This false probability arouses a lot of anxiety in us. I understand how you feel ("an anguish that devours me").

It's a vicious cycle. The more we want to be sure we're non-violent, the more doubts come to our mind because our imagination is boundless, the more we worry, and the more we want to eliminate all doubts because the thought of causing harm is horrific to us.

The solution, when a doubt pops into your mind about the possibility of committing a violent act, is not to seek quick reassurance. It's tempting because seeking quick reassurance provides temporary relief, but, in the end, it gives credibility to your irrational doubts. Instead, try to find a more sustainable way to get reassurance, even if it takes longer. For instance, keep living as normal, and you'll eventually realize that you're reasonably trustworthy like most of us.

[vencedora in reply to deValentin]

It's a very bad feeling, the thought comes ordering me to harm them which will bring me relief, and then comes the pain and anguish of having these thoughts. When I look at the people I love most, it hurts so much to even think about hurting them.

[deValentin in reply to vencedora]

What about refusing to give unwanted intrusive thoughts any meaning? I'm non-violent, but the thought of pushing a pedestrian into the traffic or doing something contrary to my values came before in my mind. I just don't give heed to them and keep behaving normally. What makes those thoughts sticky is often the attempt to suppress them directly. Are you trying to consciously suppress your awful thoughts?

It looks like you're at war with yourself. The more you beat up on yourself, the worse you feel, the less peaceful will be your thoughts, the more tortured your conscience will be, and so on. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to live up to certain standards. Carry out some OCD-free activities, and as you start to find enjoyment in them, happier thoughts will naturally come to your mind. It takes time and efforts, but it's worth it in the end.