Bad night-coping strategies for ocd please

[Pebs94]

Hi I've not really posted online about my ocd before but feel I need the support tonight. I've never been formally diagnosed but my mum has it and my auntie has it and takes medication for it so it runs in the family. I have really good times when I will go longer stretches without it affecting me but in my adult life it has become a more common regular occurrence, particularly since moving into my first home. It should be a nice time really but my ocd is really irrational and makes me feel stupid. I mostly have ocd with cosmetic stuff around the house. I've spent the past 48 hours thinking about a kitchen cupboard that is damaged and goggling what I can do about it. We have not long had the kitchen done and it has really triggered me that it's damaged. Anyway google really doesn't help me as that is an obsession. I feel like I cant manage normal life. I also compare myself frequently to other people, their house, where they are in life, career etc. I never used to feel inferior of other people, not even in my teenage years which is when you would think you would compare. I'm 30 and I just feel like I should be more sure of myself and able to manage things. Everyone else always come across so sorted and I know you don't know what goes on behind closed doors but I just can't see past that. How do I begin with coping strategies and what can I do tonight to just relax and not think about this stupid irrational thought of a cupboard? Thank you for reading

[Ourson]

Hi Pebs94,

Yes, it looks like OCD. What I would recommend you is not to try to solve it directly or with reassuring research . Every try will make it more present (unfortunately😉). In the short term, I would go to see a therapist and a doctor to have medication (if you are ok with that, it does not mean you are depressed, it just means your brain need some support for the moment). In the medium and long term, OCD makes us discover unexpected aspects of life. It is painful but also a strong push for changing things. Probably there are fears floating in your family (fears of judgment or fears of mistakes...) that were not digested by your relatives. They made their life with it because it was not ready enough. Now, you may be in a position to process the digestion a bit further.

Keep us posted !

Ourson

[IStillHaveHope]

Hello - I'm sorry that you're struggling right now. I really am. I'm not a doctor or a therapist, but some of what you have posted kinda sounds like OCD (the over focusing on trivial issues; the searching for certainty via the internet; etc.). If you are having problems it might not be a bad idea to visit your doctor and tell them how you're feeling. Things for me started to change when I was just honest with my doctor. He prescribed some medicine and referred me to a therapist. It was hard and took some time, but I'm in a much better place now than I was. It could be that you don't have OCD at all and may just be a naturally more nervous person.

A lot of what you learn in therapy is how to better relax yourself. Meditation has helped for me as well as exercise and a proper diet. Taking certain supplements has helped as well. One thing I started with was belly-breathing. When we're nervous our breathing often become shallow and higher in our chest. If you lay down, place your hand on your belly, and then take long slow breaths while consciously allowing your belly to expand and contract; your body will begin to relax.

Another trick is to trigger your mammalian diving reflex. When mammals are submerged into water, their bodies slow their heart rate and relax to consume less oxygen. You can trigger this yourself but splashing cold water on your face. The other way to do this is to lay on your back; elevate your feet on a chair or a bed. You take a breath and plug your nose with your fingers and then act like you're blowing your nose (while having it plugged). If you do this for a few seconds you'll trigger the response. You need to be a bit careful as you can blow a blood vessel this way thought and I may have explained it poorly here but a video search can show you.

You may also want to look into Vagus Nerve Stimulation (VNS). Stimulation of this nerve causes relaxation and there are some simple exercises you can do at home to invoke this. Youtube has a lot of videos explaining this.

Most of these techniques are just teaching you how to move from your Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) to your Parasympathetic Nervous System (PSNS). The SNS is used by our body for "fight or flight "and survival while the PSNS is used for "rest and digest". Unfortunately, our modern society has us mostly in our SNS and we need to learn how to move into our PSNS.

I went on for a while there any apologies if I rambled. I really hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. May God bless you.

[deValentin]

The problem with OCD is one can't decide (in your case, what to do about a damaged kitchen cupboard) and, at the same time, one can't give up trying to decide, so one is stuck. It's a mixture of indecisiveness and extreme conscientiousness because one can't reach a conclusion, but thinks that one can’t live without having found one.

How to "just relax and not think about this stupid irrational thought of a cupboard"? In my opinion, it's a matter of making good choices from the start. To think it's okay to google about a topic beyond reasonable limits provided that in the end you get the answer you're looking for is dangerous because once you start on that path you need to find an answer that will justify having started on that path, and it’s impossible to find such an answer that would make right a questionable action. The solution is to be firm with the impulse to search for an answer to the problem that’s disturbing us, and to only consent to a type of search that allows us to be open to the possibility of no finding a satisfying answer or finding only an imperfect one. For instance, a search with specific time limits. So, if we can't find the answer we 're looking for, we still retain a clear conscience.