the ripple effect from iocdf -

[Cherryfizz34]

Well going to iocdf in July and my car getting broken into were fun.

things seem to be - they aren't mellow

things aren't mellow

ever deal with politics - you don't want to be talked about in a certain way

I have no control over my emotions

I'm not making the financial goals I promised to others

I feel hopeless and ugly.

I'm in a situation my former self would have gotten out of immediately

I can't concentrate to make money

I joined a $600 program on how to make money to realize

the moderators are unexperienced and the main reason I joined was for the accountability and community - but the program I have is old so the focus isn't as much on that one program anymore. I could do the moderators job better - but don't do that apparently.

I'm trying to think how I did in 2015 with people I knew those years

but in reconnecting with them - I can't go back to that sane sense of self - I have this ocd - in focusing on this ocd - I know I'm respected locally for mentioning stuff I shouldn't -

a powerful version of myself wouldn't have put up with this

with a lot of the garbage I'm putting up with - I would have not

I'm depressed and winter is coming - focusing on my flaws has just made me unrelatable to online groups I knew 10 years ago.

I feel entitled - I feel ripped off - but I did rip o- I probably owe them $600 - but this wasn't what I excepted. I'm in a non friendly lgbtq area - so I have to act almost ashamed - I'm in so much debt, my stuff is hacked and is repetivite

where do I feel good - what groups did I feel good in? I'm trying to connect with in person communities I knew back in the late 2010s - who know "I'm not dumb"

I feel like I'm currently around people who either don't understand me or think I'm a moron. They don't understand I'm smart - but I guess I can say the same for them.

I'm in such a toxic situation

and the health - I'm not at the same level of function every day

some days I can do a lot

some days I can't do anything at all.

[deValentin]

I understand how you feel presently. Feeling distressed is part of being human, but for some people, it lasts longer than for others. However, there is hope. Feeling distressed is a response to distressing circumstances (or some type of persistant life dissatisfaction), and it's possible, though not easy, to change circumstances and our response to them to some extent.

Let's say, as a soldier, I went on a reconnaissance raid into enemy territory, and I lost half of my platoon. What's going to motivate me to return into enemy territory for another raid ordered by my superiors? I could experience paralysis of action: hesitant to go on a dangerous mission and hesitant not to perform my military duties.

Likewise, as OCD sufferers, we experience a double reluctance: reluctant to live an OCD-free life (who knows? the worst-case scenario could happen) and reluctant to accept the undesirable consequences of an OCD-filled life. It's difficult to live an OCD-free life, that is, to accept to take reasonable risks. That difficulty doesn't mean we don't want to do it. It just means that we're human, we aren't insensitive to risks and hardships. However, at one point a choice needs to be made. We can't drag our feet making that choice, otherwise we condemn ourselves to a life of misery: unwilling to stop ruminating, lamenting or compulsing, and unwilling to reconcile ourselves with a life run by anxiety, depression and OCD. It turns into an impairment.

The road to recovery isn't an easy one. It takes time. However, if we decide to "light a candle instead of cursing the darkness", we'll have no regrets, whatever the future holds.

[Cherryfizz34 in reply to deValentin]

That's beautiful. So from what I understood, don't complain do something about it. You should write a book.

[deValentin in reply to Cherryfizz34]

There is nothing wrong with complaining. The problem is with obsessional complaining when we can't stop complaining instead of taking appropriate action. We're sometimes wrongly hoping that if we keep on complaining, or ruminating for that matter, we'll eventually reach a point where we'll be satisfied, which will enable us to turn our attention to more interesting matters. But it's never enough, and we can't stop trying because our present situation is unbearable.

[Cherryfizz34 in reply to deValentin]

I get caught from complaining. I just used my dad as an outlet now and realized the stuff - I'm wrong about the stuff - analysis paralysis? This sounds like someone waiting to cause a bunch of crap - I feel numb to my situation but I got to correct something in a post I just made.

[Natureloverpeace in reply to deValentin]

I really like “light a candle instead of cursing the darkness”.

[deValentin in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thank you.

[IStillHaveHope]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. I really am. OCD can make us think terrible things about ourselves. We can feel so much guilt and shame. However we are just as deserving of love and light as any other person. I guess that's what I'm getting at. There are people who understand completely how you feel. It may not feel like it, but there are literally millions of us. I know how hard it can be to reach out but there are people out there who are willing and able to help.

I hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. May God bless you.

[Cherryfizz34 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

I don't know if this is a personality or generational thing - giving a disorder enough power to call it a noun, so it's something outside of yourself. I don't get.

With bipolar disorder you have mood swings. Bipolar disorder doesn't give you mood swings, bipolar disorder doesn't make you paranoid - it's just a part of the disorder.

I think the marketing for ocd is different. Ocd is an obsessive compulsive rabbit hole I go down for 3 -4 days - where I'm just in bed ruminating on what's reality. I know there are a million people. Thank you for replying.

Thanks I appreciate it. My mom always used to say that. May God bless you too.