Arousal non concordance

[Gianfranco91]

Hi all. I'm a 32 old teacher with OCD. My problem right now is groinal response when I'm next to kids. I don't know what to do. I'm trying expose myself everyday but i don't know if it's working. At the opposite, when i'm next to a girl i start to think i can't have an erection with her (I don't know if that's real but the fear of failing in sex intimacy is not helping me). What should i do? I KNOW i'm not a pedophile, and that i like girls. But my body does not react as i really desire. Any help? Thanks

[Disciple777]

It's just OCD playing it's game. OCD and anxiety wreak havoc on desire sometimes. It's happened to me. The groinal responses can still happen because you're hyper aware and monitoring that area. Anxiety increases your heart rate which makes blood flow faster which can also add to these sensations. If you're stressing about OCD already, and on top of that, start to worry about performance issues, it only adds more anxiety and makes even more difficult. It's just anxiety and ocd. It doesn't mean the OCD thoughts or sensations are true. Your just stressed. It's tough to perform with a mind full of chaos. Try a walk to clear your mind, diaphragm breathing helps me chill a little when my anxiety gets tuned up too high. Also, try to drop the ruminating as much as possible. I just say that because we all need that reminder!

[Gianfranco91 in reply to Disciple777]

I know they are not true, and i'm not confused. I know what I desire. What i don't know is how to not experiment this sensation. I expose myself everyday to children

[Disciple777 in reply to Gianfranco91]

I would say just be careful not to ruminate or try to figure it out. Let the thought and sensation be there without trying to understand it, make it go away etc. Once I start to do this the sensations and thoughts died down. You will mess up here and there while you're trying to break the habit but it will eventually work. I have 3 kids of my own and almost went crazy over this with my first child. As soon as I quite trying to stop it, it began to go away. It still happens on occasion but I just notice the thought and sensation and treat it like an annoying text message.

[Gianfranco91 in reply to Disciple777]

Thank you, really, you're helping me a lot. Two question, do you think is useful to expose deliberately to the sensation or is better not to do anything? Second one: i want a child in my life, but this sensation now is scaring me from have one. What should i do?

[Disciple777 in reply to Gianfranco91]

I'm so glad it's helping and I know this is hard but you can do it! If you can expose deliberately, that's amazing! Most people try to go out of their way to avoid—that's the worst thing you can do. It only reaffirms that there's something to fear which makes the OCD thoughts and sensations stronger. Keep up with the exposing, just try your best not to do anything to cancel out the thoughts or feelings. No compulsive rituals and rumination. Definitely have a child, it will be hard if your still struggling but the love for your child will overcome your need to run from the thoughts and feelings. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, definitely do that! (ERP) Exposure Response Prevention is the best therapy for those with OCD. Cool thing about that is you're already doing the hardest part—not running or quitting your job over it. I won't lie, it's hard and I'm still doing it myself. It seems like you are a really strong person though by continuing in your career and pushing through the pain. That is what ERP is all about. You basically let the thoughts and sensations be there without doing anything to relieve distress and anxiety. Your mind will eventually habituate to the thoughts and feelings and they won't produce anxiety. Then, since you're no longer terrified by the idea and sensations, you will think about it less until it just fades away. There are also what they call, backdoor spikes. That means when you start to habituate to the idea and feel better, your OCD brain will say, "Oh, I'm not feeling bad about this anymore so it must mean that I like the thought or I'm really a monster. That's just OCD trying to sneak back in. You'll feel the anxiety come up again and if your not careful it will cause you to revert back. I once heard an OCD therapist say that if he could have anyone watch his kids, it would be someone like us—because he knew that we were the least likely to do anything bad to his kids. That is why OCD attack us in this way. Behind all the clutter of OCD, when we are lucid, we know who we are and those thought only bother us because we are the polar opposite. Sickos love to think about those things and it causes no distress. They revel in it. That is not us. That is the best proof to know who you really are. Always here to talk! You got this. Sorry for any grammar mistakes—I feel a little self-conscious knowing you're a teacher. LOL

[Gianfranco91]

I'm a psychologist also so I'm learning easily how to deal with it. I noticed obsessions anxiety and feelings are always between us and what matters. This groinal response is so much different from sexual desire i'm not questioning myself on if i am a pedo ecc. I had a lot of anxiety but meds like mirtazapine do their job.

I have some questions on ERP reguarding sexual themes OCD. Doesn't it reinforce the groinal response? Cause i know that anxiety eventually goes away, but abituation for physical sensation may be different. Does it makes sense doing ERP when you're already exposed?

[Disciple777]

At first you may have more groinal responses because you're not doing compulsions, ruminating or trying to get rid of anxiety. OCD likes to pull out all the stops when you are fighting it the right way. It was really hard at first but I just keep sitting with the anxiety until it lowered to about half the intensity then I would go do other things and just try to live in the moment. I started to think about it less and less until it mostly faded away—the groinal responses went away with the thoughts. Occasionally, it tries to get me and I have a thought and response but I just let the thought be there instead of doing anything about it and I feel back to normal in about 5 mins. My therapist said when I get a spike of anxiety, just sit with it, let the thought be there and just be a conscious observer. Once anxiety lowers, get back to life. It definitely gets easier as the days go on. I would definitely keep doing the ERP as well—the more you do it, the faster your mind will habituate.

[Homer76]

i used to have this worry not nice thinking that are you getting turned on for the wrong reasons. 1 thing is the more you worry about this particular problem your mind just focuses on that certain area and that’s what your always looking out for. Says it all why you’re worried because you don’t want this to happen because you care to much. Peodo,s don’t worry they enjoy it.

[Dempsey1919]

Peodofiles don't worry about stuff like that you couldn't get two people more far apart. The Peodofile likes and enjoys his sickness the person with pocd gets repelled and frightened l. I don't think it's possible to get an erection when anxious,alot of it is in your head most probably. Be easy on yourself peodos don't seek help they have no moral compus.

[Dempsey1919]

The more time you spend around kids,your fears will go away. So many people have this fear because it goes against everything they stand for and the person without ocd or not aware of this condition won't understand. My therapist said 90 % of people have nasty random thoughts but people without ocd can let then go but people with ocd put meaning on it and obsess. You got to radically except that this is ocd not your desires. Try not to doubt your self.

[Gianfranco91]

Ok, and what about my brain says i'm not attracted from girls? I like a lot a girl, i dream about her during night, but i feel i don't have sexual desire when i'm next to her. What can i do do reverse this shitty situation? Will my libido come back?

[Gianfranco91]

Guys, today i got this groinal feeling almost all the time, i'm not saying i can't do my job, but i don't know what to do when it happen. I try to keep concentrate to what i'm doing but the sensation still remain. It's something confusing me, and I don't know if it will be ever go away. Does it take time? Or am i reinforcing it?

[Gianfranco91]

Please, help me. I don't know if it's best to quit my job or continue to work with children. Does ERP work? How to tell someone what you feeling? I feel so guilt to feel this. I only want to know if things can get better with the right help or continue the exposure. Don't know what to do anymore